Month: June 2007

  • If You Pay More For Everything, Then Life Is Better, Right?

    “If You Pay More For Everything, Then Life Is Better, Right?” Every town has its unique features–those little lifestyle elements that contribute to the feeling of the place. Such features are often taken for granted by longtime residents, but, man-o-man, are they noticed by the newbies and visitors. For example, as has been intimated in […]

  • “Dharma Bums” GAAACK. I’m a human shoe tongue. Leathery. Dessicated. In need of a good tug to straighten out my wrinkles. For the love of high heat indexes and mind-altering altitude, could someone just pass me some moisturizer? And then, so long as you’re in motion, dump a 64-ounce Slurpee on me? See, as of […]

  • Time After Time

    I’m currently the bologna in a Colorado sandwich. I’m aware makes no sense, so don’t scrutinize it too closely. Cutting through my nonsense, what I’m saying is that I’m currently in Minnesota, having recently come back from a kamikaze weekend in Colorado. And tomorrow, the family and I are taking off for, you guessed it, […]

  • “If You Get My Drift” As a teacher of writing, my life is full of unexpected chortles; sometimes, I get to chortle when students with visible thongs and bra straps complain about not being taken seriously. Other times, I get to chortle because students write crap without thinking about what they’re putting on the paper. […]

  • “The New Meth…Wait, No, Even More Addictive Than That: The New Chocolate“About fifteen years ago, I took up cross-stitching for all of two months. Single and childless, I was looking for a hobby, and the idea of handiwork tapped in to my desire to share pursuits, outside of grinding corn and sitting in straight-backed chairs […]

  • A Basic Civil Right: Being Scatalogical

      “A Basic Civil Right: Being Scatalogical” What is it about little boys? Why are the colon and its emissions so profoundly, continually hilarious to wee males? These days, my four-year-old (who, in his defense, is heavily under the influence of a cadre of neighborhood seven-year-old fellas) toodles around the house, absentmindedly singing a little […]

  • Squeak

    “Squeak” (the only good mouse has a single testicle) When I was in college, I sometimes had to miss class, and not always because I was hung over or because Hart to Hart was on tv (I loved the way Max the butler said, “When dey met, it was moida” in the opening credits). Sometimes, […]