Tweet You know how, every night when you’re asleep, there’s the possibility that a mouse will crawl down your throat and suck the very breaf out of your body? Now imagine a critter that’s 23 times as big as … Continue reading
Tweet“Thursday Night Live” Had it not been for the two drinks in July rum/ginger ale/lime concoctions (aka the “Dark ‘N Stormy”) Downed before my pal Jim over for dinner that night–crispy pork bits on rice Said, “So some of us … Continue reading
Tweet No, not like the ones on Elton John’s head. This is a different kind of plug. There’s a new online humor magazine that just launched its first issue this week. It’s called the Clay Pigeon, and its puppetmaster is … Continue reading
TweetMy mom gifted me with lots of things in my youth: flute lessons, bassoon lessons, piano lessons, ballet lessons, the old Nissan Stanza, her recipe for beef stroganoff, a deep loathing of my body, a fondness for the ocean. Human … Continue reading
Tweet Yesterday, I watched voyeuristically as my country acted the john to another media-Hallmark-florist-driven whore of a holiday. Having steered clear of the entire transaction myself, I had plenty of time to muse on the fact that it was a mutual-antipathy … Continue reading
Tweet Over the course of my adolescence, our family hosted seven French students for “a delightful summer abroad.” They would get on a plane in Paris and fly to Montana where they would disembark, their necks wrapped in scarves, … Continue reading
Tweet Dear Bicycle Commuter Rocketing Off the Trail by Crosley Street at Dusk: You will never know how close you came to a kismetical meeting with the Love of Your Life tonight. That unmet L.o.Y.L.? Me. So focused were you … Continue reading
Tweet A thump. A creak. A scratch. A splat. Then the whisk of our duvet being flung open as Groom garbled, “Whaat und whooo huh? Fonzi hug me? Is someone there? Someone? Did someone just vomit in the hall?” By … Continue reading