Month: June 2008

  • Two Weeks South of the Border: Part One

      Guess who not only has 50 research papers to grade in the next week but also has the honor of serving as a witness in a big ole lesbian wedding extravaganzapalooza this weekend? I even get to give a toast at the reception (something along the lines of “May you always wear the same […]

  • Starring Matthew Modine and Linda Fiorentino, with a Special Appearance by Madonna

    I have a friend of a friend. What? It could happen. I might have a friend, like from Cub Scouts, and this friend might talk to a bartender sometimes, and after about four vodka tonics, my Cubby Scouty friend suddenly has a new shot-pouring, swizzle-sticking “friend” blurrily weaving around there behind the expanse of oak. […]

  • Random Headlines from the Newspaper Printed Only in My Brain, Where Circulation Is Down

    Thornless Rose Discovered; Members of Poison Devastated There’s Nothing Dumber Than Owning a Small Horse Bindi Irwin’s Tamagotchi Experiences Painful, Lingering Death Jury Decides: Tony Danza Was the Boss Members of Rock Group America Ride Into Desert on Horse Named “Monty”; Unrelenting Rain Follows Dolly Parton Skydives Naked, Manages Blind Landing ————————- Sorry for the […]

  • My Mama Pimped Me Out Well Before Misty’s Meth-Addicted Baby Daddy Dropped Her on the Corner of Hollywood & Vine

    In my youth, a popular comic strip drawn by Stan Lynde called Rick O’Shay ran in the Billings Gazette. Oh, didn’t we chuckle at the exploits of that sheriff and the ragbag crew that staggered across the panels of his life. Lawsy, but we chortled at the antics of O’Shay’s preciously-monikered friends and colleagues in […]

  • Above the Horizon: Postscript

    Stop running away at the sight of this title, ya scaredy-blogger. Really. I’m done exhausting and exhuming the story of my grandma and dad. But at this point, before I move back to the usual programming of posts that detail how Jessica Alba is somehow like a Shamrock Shake–and other random pop culturized profundities that […]

  • Above the Horizon: Part the Last

    a My great-aunt Ethel and Grandma Dorothy as girls in Montan The Saturday after his mother’s memorial service, my Finnish father, who would regularly answer the direct question of “What are you thinking right now?” with “I don’t know,” talked to me about his life. As it turns out, he was more than just my […]

  • Above the Horizon III

    In the hour before the church service that would publicly memorialize my grandmother, we immediate family members left the windy cemetery and headed back to her bungalow, where she had lived since moving off the ranch more than thirty years earlier. As we all rattled around in her house, eating bars and leaning against her […]