Month: April 2009
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Won’t Someone Come Vacuum, Though?
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Try Honoring Thy Child for Damn Once
While I like to pretend that I channel Julie Andrews as Maria Von Trapp and yodel through life as though I’m about nothing more than playclothes for the children and enjoying myself high on a hill with a lonely goat-herd, the truth is I do get irritated sometimes. Early in life, I got irritated when […]
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I Find Myself Hard to Tolerate for Seven Whole Minutes, So You’re Not to Be Faulted for Skipping the Video and Just Going Straight to the Question; However, Skipping the Video Means You Will Not Be Hearing Styx Today–Unless You’re Humming ‘Babe, I’m Leaving/I Must Be On My Way’ As You Click Over to Another Blog
The upshot is this: I need to re-invigorate my Ipod playlist so that I am motivated to run faster than a snapping turtle whose feet are caught in a mixture of quicksand and molasses. While you ponder what kind of evil genius stirred the molasses into that quicksand and then plunked a turtle into […]
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Pas De Deux
During my youth, I took ballet and modern dance lessons for 9 years from a delicate woman named Miss June. Because it was part of her job, Miss June spent those years chiding my solid self to “just tuck in your tummy as tight as you can, dear,” and to this day, I still […]
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Shouldn’t I Get An ‘A’ Just for Enrolling?
Every semester, I am asked by students–with increasing frequency as the term chugs along–if I have any extra credit activities for them. When they ask this, it’s very hard for me not to start the hollerin’. Here’s what I have discovered over the years: 1) the students who will actually complete and submit the extra […]
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Thus Sprach Jocey-thustra
I’ve been framed.
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I Can Help You Birth Your Baby, But Please Don’t Ask Me to File Your Taxes
From the teaching life: I have had a student sit in my office and sob about how she was stuck living with her no-account boyfriend who used their money for anything but rent, who hated the fact that she’d chosen to go to college, who sabotaged her every effort to change her life. However, she […]
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If You Would Be Kind Enough to Ignore My Oily Skin, Greasy Hair, and Hawkish Profile
Although last night I was on the treadmill at the Y, running like the cops were chasing me and trying to confiscate my plastic glass of watery keg beer, listening to .38 Special sing “Fantasy Girl,” the truth is I’m no longer young. In fact, recently, a very kind optometrist (a young woman with eggs […]