“Poop Across the Genders”

I just couldn’t get a good photo here of what I want to show you. What you need to know is that this is a page from one of Girl’s “fast word” books from the past school year (first grade), wherein she was to practice writing certain words of the week by placing them into context and creating her own sentences. For example, if a word of the week was milk, she had to write, “Kee-rist, do I hate the milk of all hooved beasts,” or something equally precocious, in her little book.

What you can’t so much see in this photo is that her third-to-last sentence makes me retract my previous assertion that mostly it’s the little boys who are scatalogical. I know, I know, so many of you tried to set me straight, but now I’m convinced that little girls love da poop, too, although they are more metaphorical about it.

“So what did she write on this faintly-chicken-scratched page?” you ask. You poor, blind sod; I can help.

For her beloved teacher, Mrs. Anderson, our Girl composed the sentence: “I like his sh!t.”

What’s even more troubling about this is that Mrs. Anderson then reviewed the page and quite specifically put a purple smiley face above the sentence in question. Could it be that Mrs. Anderson likes his sh!t, too?

I had no idea.

And who is he?

And what’s so special about his particular junk?
————

Obviously, the sentiment in this sentence came about due to the acceptance of, even urging for, emerging writers to use creative spelling, and Girl, not so fond of the letter “r,” wrote sh!t instead of “shirt.”

But in my leetle head, I like to think of her uttering this sentence when she’s 14 and is scoping out her latest crush (he’s got sloppily-long brown hair and is playing air guitar at the end of the corridor) while leaning against her locker and gossiping with her best friends, LeeAnn and Trinity. They’ve just asked Girl why she has the hots for this guy–you know, Chess Club president Walter Schlinkman.

The Girl’s answer will be simple and succinct, drawing upon a memory from first grade:

“I like his sh!t.”

About Jocelyn

There's this game put out by the American Girl company called "300 Wishes"--I really like playing it because then I get to marvel, "Wow, it's like I'm a real live American girl who has 300 wishes, and that doesn't suck, especially compared to being a dead one with none."

Comments

— 32 Comments

  1. I’m sure it was a slip of the pen :)

    We are heading up to Glacier on Sunday east to west and then hiking to Hidden Lake from Logan Pass on Tuesday. What year was your friend’s brother killed? I’ve been going to the park every summer since 1997, several times a summer when I actually lived out here.

  2. I got my copy of “If You Lived Here” down in Canal Park but not at Northern Lights…I bought four other books there :)

  3. Actually – if we click on the picture, we get to see it BIG!
    She’s not lack in self confidence either.

    Kids are so fun.

  4. Sherry’s got a great story about the Redshit family from our reservation days. Trust me, it’s much better than hearing me hold forth on the merits of wikipedia. Island Bound! Regards.

  5. a little gwen stefani in the making..

    I’m here to tell you that poop is cross gender in it’s appeal.

    I love that it’s because she’s not fond of the letter r. that’s pretty great.

  6. To funny. Kenzie wrote a sentance in first grade also that used sh!t instead of shirt but since she still couldn’t pronounce her r’s I don’t think she realized that R was supposed to be there.

  7. My mum told me that when I was little (very little, I’d like to add. Way before you have a real brain to speak of) I ate a poop. She also said that I didn’t like it. I think that might have cured me, although I did talk about pee-pee a lot.

  8. It’s hard work being precocious, you can’t do that AND be expected to use R everywhere it belongs.
    I enlarged the picture and was also giggling about the teacher’s enthusiasm for that very interesting sentence.

  9. Yes. You just keep telling yourself that she just misplaced the ‘r’. Uh huh.

    I think all would have been clear had they had to draw a picture to go with the sentences and then you’d see a sparkly pile of poo next to the purple star.

  10. Ha ha ha!
    You have to remeber that one for those teenage years. It will make good conversation with all the “cool” friends that will be coming over! Ha.

  11. LMAO…too funny! She is gonna be a talented writer, just like her mommy! I bet the teacher put that smiley face there just so you would know she was sharing a giggle with you over the whole thing.

  12. Almost forgot – An autistic boy I once worked with liked to sing the National Anthem. Only he would randomly insert “F*ck You, Asshole!” His dad occasionally took him to baseball games. Ya think he might have been paying attention?

  13. reminds me of the time my then 4 year old daughter was playing with a pair of borthers one 3 and one 5. the 5 yr old was face up on the floor. may daughter face down on him with the 3 yr old face down on her in a kid stack. i walked in and my red headed daughter shouted gleefully….look mama, i’m da tomato between two slices of bread!

    btw, wrod veri was ‘licti’

  14. Very funny, J. Next time you want to post one of those hard to read pages, email it to me and I’ll work my photoshop magic on it. Seriously. I could make those words really close to legible.

  15. Quite cute and interesting that the teacher didn’t get upset about it. My turn will come, J starts school in another month or so.

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