Crumbs and Poo: Making Martha Stewart Roll Over in Her Banana Bourbon Layer Cake

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26 Responses

  1. Lone Grey Squirrel says:

    I’d feel right at home.

  2. Jazz says:

    How happy am I that I’m not the only one! As my mom used to say, it’s clean enough to be vaguely hygenic and dirty enough to be livable.

  3. lushgurl says:

    Oh….my……God! Too funny!!! Who’d a thunk there were more Godesses of cleanliness out there!
    BTW- if Martha doesn’t show up, I AM available for those yummy little sanwiches…LOL

  4. furiousBall says:

    Two words for you… mop socks.

    See you wear those and whilst you shuffle back and forth, you’re cleaning. You kick that water glass over, no problem. Just shuffle those footsies around and viola…wait, that’s an instrument voila itsa clean floor.

  5. Em says:

    LOL…this is just great. I would feel so comfy in your house, though that one clean spot might frighten me a bit. We fail to have one clean spot. 🙂

    I do sorta recognize heart shapes in some of the cookies. Bet they taste terrific!

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  6. Voyager says:

    The one clean spot on our floor is the area around the dog’s water bowl. But I don’t know if a floor wiped with a mix of water and slimy drool counts.

  7. Hammer says:

    It’s an uphill battle, Things get cleaned but not all at the same time.

  8. mist1 says:

    I try not to look in corners and crevices. I don’t want to know what I might find. Once, I found a pair of child’s sunglasses between the fridge and the wall. I wonder where the child is?

  9. Ariel says:

    I have 2 cats. One of the two is a very long haired fat cat. I like to spray him with pledge then let loose the mouse toy that’s full of catnip. My hardwood floors SPARKLE.

    Happy VD!

  10. BlogWhore says:

    good post.

    being that i’m a natural cleaner, (not a positive, rather a burden) we could exchange household chores?

    i’ll clean your house two hours each week in exchange for four (4) pre-made meals for my freezer. don’t hold back, I want the ‘company’ goods.

  11. Dan says:

    Sorry, but my mind latched onto those cookies and I wasn’t able to see anything else in your post. I just couldn’t focus! 🙂

    Happy Valentines Day! Hugs and smooches. Please send some cookies!

  12. Glamourpuss says:

    A friend of mine has a fridge magnet that says ‘Only dull women have clean houses.’ Works for me!


  13. Lee says:

    1) you are my kinda woman

    2) i have those same IKEA glasses

    3) you are my kinda woman!

  14. Julie says:

    Oh geez, I can SO relate. I always feel especially bad when my girlfriends bring their babies over and let them crawl around. How very quickly their pretty little pink heirloom crocheted jumpers become tannish-blackish around the knees.

  15. CSL says:

    The taste of the cookies is way more important than the shape, and they look good to me. I’m a bit slob myself, and I’d ratehr be with fun people thanneat people. As for the flat learning curve, I think psychoogists are well aware that people often don’t learn from their mistakes!

  16. choochoo says:


    personally, I can usually pass for clean (although the pooch makes it challenging), but never, ever neat. I’ll pick my mess ut, clean under it, and then put it right back again.

  17. Diana says:

    Maybe I should start drinking more water, because that trick just doesn’t work with beer. Even good beer.

  18. velvet girl says:

    I find that if you allow a little dust to accumulate, it makes the other dirt less noticeable, kind of like a soft focus lense.


  19. Steven Novak says:

    Are you sure we don’t live toghther? 😉


  20. somewhere joe says:

    That’s the most elaborate scheme for the thrill of changing into dry socks I’ve ever heard. I have much to learn.

  21. MadameZ says:

    Hey teach, nice blog! I´m glad I finally to get to read some of _your_ writing.

  22. Steve says:

    As a sometime guest in your home, two things. 1) I’ve sat on that toliet; it’s other issue is making the chunks disappear. Who knew a toilet had such depth. I also was secretly hoping you’d have run for your camera after filing your nails. 2) It’s also a bit troubling to know that the excellent cuisine I’ve been served in your lovely “spot cleaned” home was merely daily fare. Happy eating!

  23. Diesel says:

    I’d tell you to get an end table, but I do the same damn thing.

  24. Zdanna says:

    Oh, this is Zdanna King. Not any of the other Zdannas that you´ve probably met on your travels. You were my creative writing teacher during post-secondary stuff in high school. Then I went to Carleton. Now I study monkeys and live in New Orleans. I love your entry about the donuts… and to celebrate I just bought two and nibbled them in public while I reread Harry Potter 6.

  25. Jocelyn says:

    LGS–I’m glad to know you wouldn’t be put off by the crumbs on the floor when I feed you down there.

    Jazz–See, I knew I liked you from Day 1.

    Lushgurl–Salmon sandwiches in cybermail for you right now. Be on the lookout!

    Furiousball–Now these mop socks…do they have long strings hanging from them? Can they double as a wig?

    Em–One day, somewhere, a small patch of clean floor will be yours. I have this hope for you.

    Voyager–Now, see, I think slimy drool would help cut through some of the build-up.

    Hammer–This is just it. I clean one thing, and while I was doing that, seventeen other places get crapped up.

    Mist1–That missing child? In your Pradas. Go look.

    Ariel–You just about make me want to get a cat. Or at least some Pledge.

    Blogwhore–The real question here is: and where in Wisconsin do you live? How far of a commute are we talking?!!!

    Dan–My regular Snickerdoodles are killer. The heart-shaped ones suffered from my attempts at shape. Sigh.

    Glamourpuss–Our filth is just why we’re so complex and interesting, for sure.

    Lee–IKEA just does design so well. We’re glad the nearest store is 3 hours away, so we have to work to throw our money at them.

    Julie–Maybe you should pass a “toddlers and older” rule in your house, so those damn crawlers stop highlighting your filth.

    CSL–Maybe it’s historians who think we should learn from our mistakes. The’re probably wrong, too.

    Choochoo–So, taken together, we might actually make one real adult?

    Diana–Beer. Hmm. It’s amazing how my internal radar always knows *exactly* where my beer is. I never knock it over.

    Velvet–This is the loveliest excuse for my filth I can think of. Thanks for a new weapon in my rationalization holster.

    Steven–You’re actually right next to me on the food-littered couch right now.

    Somewhere–You should hear my scheme for changing underwear.

    MadameZ/danna–I’m soooo glad to have the mystery solved. I left you a much longer comment now on your blog! A primotologist. Wow. I was *sure* I’d swayed you to become an English major.

    Steve–The toilet is now upstairs feeling publicly humiliated. It does its best; it just doesn’t do “chunks.” And, yes, we do eat that well pretty much every night. Really. Groom is a Food God.

    Diesel–What makes me more pathetic is that I do have an end table. It’s just at the other end of the couch, and who can be bothered?

  26. Mother of Invention says:

    Such a hoot! I hate to houseclean too! Dust bunnies get free rent!

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