Bizarro Profession

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35 Responses

  1. my4kids says:

    Oh man you are one funny lady!
    I love your final response to him though sounds like something I would have said myself. Something to turn it around on him…..Yeah I’m not a fan of librarians either and I’ve noticed a lot of people in jobs that are supposed to be “customer service” don’t really like people…..they need to find a new job where they can crawl into their holes…

  2. Diana says:

    You DO seem to have the worst luck with librarians. I’ve occasionally run into that species of troll that has somehow taken up the mantle of ‘librarian’, but most that I’ve met have been the other way. Lovely people who, upon your asking about a certain book, will tell you all about what you want to know and then throw in recommendations for 15 other books in the same vein that you might want to read.

    That said, I have a book quirk of a different nature: I loves them and can’t bear to give them back. So, the book store and not the library is my haunt. When I am old and doddery, I can bet that the 115 boxes in my storage container are filled with books and only books that I’ve been unable to part with. My poor kids. I’m guessing that both will have moved to Portugal just so they won’t have to help me move them.

  3. Glamourpuss says:

    Philip Larkin was a librarian. That’s all you need to know.


  4. Karen says:

    While I don’t LOOK like Mr. Melman, I think I should have been a librarian…

    Giggle giggle snort. Look what your post has me doing!

    There must be some sort of worldwide standard for librarians as they’re the exact same up here although some of ours have buns instead of braids (or, for the men, are going bald).

    Jocelyn, I’m surprised with all the books you read, you didn’t sign up for the summer reading challenge we have going on. But then again in addition to reading you also have a life so you’re a bit busy… 🙂

    Keep up the great posts.

  5. Jazz says:

    Well that vindicates my habit of shunning libraries and buying my books instead (which I often then try to donate to libraries who get all snooty about it when most of the books are, in fact, once-read hardcovers).

    I hate libararians too.

  6. furiousBall says:

    I’m currently suffering through library addiction. I had a renassance of sorts, I walked into our library about four months ago and realized. Why do I buy crappy books that I will read once? Do I need to litter my shelves with Koontz, King and like trophies of the literary beasts I have slain? [I better hop off the metaphor-go-round, I’m about to hurl]

    Although I love libraries, I also love seeing old people get smacked. So next time have a friend bring a digital camera for my enjoyment. Heck post it on youtube, you could be freakin’ famous.

  7. lime says:

    ROFLMAO!! larry ‘bud’ librarian…gads…you could have just said that and the image alone would have kept me in stitches for well, moments at least. the various other rich descriptions of egregious librarianship among ‘those who fear the sun.’ were a riot….

    that being said, please don’t hate me….i want to be a children’s librarian. i came to this realization when heading up the RIF committee for 6 years at my kids school. i couldn’t stand the disorder of the boxes of books when enough kids seemd to really know what they wanted. i sorted them by genre and age level and nothing made me happier than to have a kid ask for a specific book, author or genre and be able to put somethign in their hand that made their face light up with a grin. oh yeah and when it was book fair week i loved dressing in them appropriate costume, going around to each class and then reading whatever the craziest, wildest book was that we had and stirring the kids inot a frenzy over the books before turning them back over to the teacher. bwahahaha. i’d be an impish children’s librarian….it’s those dull reference librarians and cataloguers you have to be wary of….;)

  8. velvet says:

    Hysterical! Thank you, Jocelyn, I needed that. (wipes tear from eye)

    This reminds me why I like the bookstore so much better because it’s full of people who want to help you find the books so that their store can make money and they can keep their jobs.

  9. Jeannie says:

    Hmmm, I think I saw this episode on TV (just kidding). I haven’t been to a lot of different libraries to be quite honest. Mainly because I live about 2 miles from where I grew up. The librarians at my local branch have always been very helpful and customer service oriented. Perhaps it’s because they share the library with a highschool and getting to deal with an adult rather than snotty teenagers is a treat. Sorry for your troubles.

  10. Joy T. says:

    I won’t say how many years it’s been since I’ve been in a library but let’s just say I think Your little 60 year old terror of a Librarian was working in my school Library at the time. Had to have been him because he sures sounds like the miserable S.O.B. Loved reading this. So funny!

  11. Jill says:

    I bet your sharing your terminal drove the library-troll nuts! Good show!

  12. Princess Pointful says:

    Even better is the idea that those working in a “public” library should be disgusted at having to deal with the public.

  13. Voyager says:

    You are too funny. But librarians I’ve encountered are all pussycats. Vague and distracted maybe, but well meaning. Except on annual “amnesty day”. When fines are waived so you can bring back books that are so overdue you can’t afford the fine. Death rays then emanate from their squinty eyes.

  14. frannie says:

    is it universal that librarians suck?

  15. Mother of Invention says:

    You’re too funny! I can see with all that reading you all do, the library would be cheaper than buying them!

  16. Dorky Dad says:

    Do what I do: avoid libraries at all costs.

    Librarians are bitter because they want all those books to themselves but have to give them out to “people.” If they had their way it’d just be them and the books. And then they’d turn on one another, like little librarian vampires or something.

  17. TLP says:

    SO FUNNY! I laughed all the way through.

    I’ve been lucky with libraries. My husband and I have traveled in all the “lower 48” states except for N.D., and I’ve used libraries in many, many towns. The staffs have always been wonderful to me.

    My husband volunteers (he’s almost 79) at our local library where the staff is so nice to everyone. The children’s librarians are just fab. A couple of times a year, they actually have sleepovers in the library for kids. My granddaughters love it.

    The librarians are so NOT uptight that they march in formation in our town’s Memorial Day parade with bookcarts, stopping to do little formation drills, etc. It’s so hysterical!

    You’re post is so amusing, so I’m guilty of laughing instead of sympathising with you.

  18. That Chick Over There says:

    Okay, it’s really weird, but even though you and I live in totally different states, we manage to visit the exact same library.

  19. Dan says:

    I can’t stand these little Napoleons, these Javerts who will follow rules blindly without any exception.

    You restrained yourself quite a bit. I would have bitch-slapped him the moment I laid eyes on him. I can spot these sorry little bureaucrats a mile way. 🙂

  20. MyUtopia says:

    LOL! You crack me up!

  21. AmyTree says:

    Oh lovely Jocelyn, I think I just shot beer out my nose. It hurts, but it was worth it – I haven’t exhaled a beverage in ages..! There are some of those Melman-types over here, too…

  22. Naughty1978 says:

    Genuis post! Thankyou for making me laugh harder than I have for a while at the written word!!

  23. mcewen says:

    Good grief you have the patience of a saint
    I too get odd looks when I stagger out of the library with 50 – 70 books. when I explain that I have four children, it never seems to help.
    Well done you for keeping your cool.

  24. My Reflecting Pool says:

    all I can say is: hehehehehe. You describe it so well. I refuse to go to the library as I am unable to contain myself from bitch slapping these eh-holes.

  25. urban-urchin says:

    Off topic-Larry Bud died this year! After reading this I googled him to confirm a rumor that he was Marconi’s grandson, and there it was, he’s dead.

  26. susan says:

    You showed such remarkable self control in not bitch-slapping that old man! LOL

    You also make me realize how lucky we are to have great librarians. Well…except for the old grouch that always wears a 3″ cross around her neck and glares at the books we check out. So, I’m always sure to grab a crotch-grabber with a racey cover page….

    Is that bad?

  27. yinyang says:

    We have friendly librarians, but I think they’re mostly volunteers (which would explain it). Of course, I usually navigate around the library without help, so the few I’ve actually had to talk to might have been the exception (but I don’t think so, as most people in town are friendly, too).

  28. Infinitesimal says:

    I would love to see this posted on some international librarian message board.

    You know, I had a friend… sorta… well, she was nice to my face….

    in high school, and this person went on to get her degree in English of course, and then she applied to library school (Yeah, they TEACH you to be that bitchy and socially maladjusted) and was turned down by said school, apparently she just was not intellectual enough to realize her dream of becoming a librarian. So she became a school teacher instead, of young kids… like Girls age. And lo, surprise surprise, she hated kids.

    Nowadays, she spends her hours PRETENDING to be a librarian, in that she is bitchy and maladjusted with just any old body she meets in the outside world.

    But yeah, librairians are assholes. I had a similar experience when my computer broke and I had to check email. The same exact thing… they said, no way to know when one would be available, but when pressed, grudgingly admitted to having a sign-up sheet.

    What happened to all those nice postmenopausal women/children’s librarians who used to show us filmstrips and read Maurice Sendeck to us? Remember them?

  29. Pendullum says:

    I have been so fortunatewith librarians…
    and asI hug my books a bit tighter to my chest… I feel your pain…
    And am thinking only of you becoming a comic hero…
    Liberty Librarian Lady fights rude behaviour with a simple swipe of a card… or whack of an ole book…

  30. chelle says:

    I have a love/hate relationship with most libraries and librarians too.

    I grew up dreaming of becoming a librarian then my path took me somewhere else.

  31. Top cat says:

    Great post jocelyn, you nailed the whole librarian persona.

  32. Claire says:

    I feel ya sista! My favorite George Carlin quote “It’s time to start slapping people.” I’m pretty sure he had librarians in mind when he said that.
    I’m a book freak. I just thinned out the herd and gave away 3 big boxes full. Maybe I need to spend more time at the library…

  33. jen says:

    this is hilarious. and you know, i am compelled to break the librarian stereotype….go over see my gal Mad at

  34. urban-urchin says:

    A bake sale for MOI? Seriously dude, New JOisey is calling your name…. We have excellent universities in the vicinity and the house down the street just went on the market.

  35. CS says:

    I’ve encountered good and bad librarians. One particularly good one used to set aside books she tought I’d enjoy based on other stuff I was reading! Of course, you’re talking to the kid who used to read as she walked down the hallway from class tp class in high school. Not as much these days, unfortunately. All these bloody blogs holding my attention!

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