Family, Edited

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42 Responses

  1. Lone Grey Squirrel says:

    Thank you for your very frank post. I hope it helped you to share these memories. It has been a help to me. My own parents are at an advanced age and I am preparing myself for the time when they pass on.

  2. frannie says:

    i think that was about the saddest thing I ever read.

    I feel so sorry for your dad. poor man.

  3. lime says:

    i am in tears and without words. i shall quietly and meditate on all of this.

  4. susan says:

    Oh Jocelyn…

  5. Theresa says:

    God Jocelyn, I just came over from Dan’s, who left me near to tears with the story of his dad’s death, and you have just pushed me over the edge. That is a heartbreaking post, your poor dad…

  6. jen says:

    honey, this is so beautiful. so real. i am all achy and yet at the same time, smiling at you for who you are in the world.

  7. Diana says:

    I’m so, so sorry. Sorry for everyone.

    (And, once again, our lives run parallel. My parents went through a similar divorce, just in their late 30s rather than their 60s, for very similar reasons and with similar events, save the ending. Both are healthy and as happy as they are able to be and my kids are indeed blessed as they have 3 sets of grandparents.)

    I wish this had had a happier ending. I hope your mom has some good in her life and that there’s been forgiveness.

  8. Whippersnapper says:

    Oh, that’s so sad.

    I’ve never seen my dad cry, but I know that if I did it would be heartbreaking.

    Life is just so damn hard sometimes.

    And now I’m going to have to hunt through your archives to find the details of January 17, of course…

  9. Ann(ie) says:

    WOW.

    That’s my official statement.

    That was powerful and obviously written with so much passion and pain. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man and I have no doubt that he spends his days in that easychair watching over you and wee niblet and the rest of your loved ones.

    I have not lost a parent yet. I truly dread the day.

    xxoo.

  10. Suzy says:

    Wow… I have no idea how I got here or why, but I couldn’t stop reading. I can relate on so many levels, its scary.

    I don’t know you, but… Much love to you…

  11. choochoo says:

    That’s so sad:( But I hope everything works out well for you mum.

  12. Spider Girl says:

    Jocelyn, this post will stay with me all day.

    I’ve been thinking about my aging parents a lot lately. My father is cantankerous at best and in ill health too, but so far my mom is standing by him. I hope that’s always true. I can’t imagine how deeply sad and it would be to have one’s elderly parents divorce.

    But good friends of mine are divorcing (she’s in her seventies, he’s in his eighties) and it just seems so unfair and sad that they are planning to spend the last part of their lives alone.

  13. Stepping Over the Junk says:

    this is heartbreaking. Beginning with the separation and then ending with the passing of your dad. I am so sorry.

  14. Tai says:

    Such a long and difficult story.
    I hope that he has peace now.

  15. My Reflecting Pool says:

    I am weeping. My heart breaks for you and your memories of his passing. Its been 6 years since my experience with my dad and not too many days escape without pangs of guilt and heartache.

  16. Keshi says:

    beautiful n warm pics Jocelyn!

    Keshi.

  17. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    Jocelyn,

    I’m so sorry for everyone’s loss, for all the broken hearts, your mom’s all those years and for your dad’s after they separated.

    I am sure there’s a heaven because where else would good men like your father go?

    He knew that his children and grandchildren loved him dearly, so he wasn’t really alone at the end. He was surrounded by love from all of you.

    And the fact that your second pregnancy coincided with such heartbreak makes the joy of your son’s birth all the more miraculous.

  18. WSG says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I’ve been agonizing over whether I should continue living away from my hometown for my job. This post settled my decision for me. I am sure your father feels no more pain now, and that he can see how much you love him.

  19. Jazz says:

    What a sad sad story… No words.

  20. Jill says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry. That must have been such a hard time for your family. Now I’m crying at my desk again….

  21. Logophile says:

    Oooooh,
    my heart breaks.
    My grandmother died during my first pregnancy and my mom was diagnosed with cancer the first time during my second, I know about pregnancy not being all about me, but my goodness.
    Now I need to go blow my nose and wipe my eyes.

  22. velvet says:

    Wow, Jocelyn.

    Thank you for sharing this with us. I read through all the posts that I missed during my hiatus from the blogosphere and enjoyed them greatly. This one, though, really breaks my heart.

    Your poor dad. I like the idea of heaven for people like him.

  23. BeachMama says:

    Jocelyn, that is such a sad story. As I read I kept hoping your Dad would be pulling through to be the Hero. But, I guess he was the Hero in the end as he endured life’s changes and kept going as best he could. No doubt he is in heaven and watching over all of you.

  24. Lizard Princess says:

    Phew! What an emotionally exhausting, and yet somehow cleansing read.
    To write all that out must have really taken it out of you.
    February 2 is a special day for me- I gave birth on that day. For one it is the date of their exit, while for another, the date of their entrance.

    I thought how you began this foray into the past was interesting; the blissful pregnant mom enrolled in yoga class, unaware of the pain others around her are feeling.
    Very well written: Bravo!

  25. Diesel says:

    Very well told story, Jocelyn. I recognize some of these people.

  26. Voyager says:

    Oh my. What a strange and yet knowing world we live in, that brings heartbreak and joy in the same packages. Thank you for sharing this.
    V.

  27. Top cat says:

    Very touching and moving post, thank you for sharing with us jocelyn.
    HUGS
    tc

  28. Glamourpuss says:

    Ok, I had to take a moment after reading this before I could comment. You just made me cry at my desk.

    Jocelyn, I have such respect for you; for your honesty, for your humanity, and for your ability to write the truth of life – unflinchingly, and always with good humour.

    You are a goddess among bloggers.

    Puss

  29. That Chick Over There says:

    You make me cry so much sometimes.

  30. paintergirl says:

    Oh dear woman, this has made me cry thinking of all these feelings. How is wee niblet with emotions. Is he more sensitive to feelings and such since he was in your belly at such an emotional time in your life?

    Thank you for sharing your story!

  31. Shari says:

    🙁 Too many blogs with sad stories…sniff…(grabbing a Kleenex on red nose)…more sniffling with a snort…

    I don’t have any words to offer. My dad never met my youngest or his three great-grandchildren. He’s been gone for almost a decade.

    Keep the memories alive of all the wonderful times you’ve shared.

    Take care.

  32. Dorky Dad says:

    This post has officially left me speechless. It was beautifully written and touching.

    But I will say that Duluth’s unofficial motto is “Land of Cute Pregnant Women.”

  33. mcewen says:

    Indeed. We all want to be the centre of someone’s universe and it’s difficult to accept moving to the sidelines as we get older to merely observe. You have great style, there must be some Irish blood in there.
    Best wishes

  34. Wizened Wizard says:

    You completely wrung me out with that one, Jocelyn. A beautifully written tale of agony, honesty, human character and frailty; a view so personal that I feel I have been peeking where I should not look, yet I could not stop reading. The out-loud laughter your first paragraphs evoked was gradually consumed by the lump rising in my throat, and I sit here in wonder at the grace and beauty of your prose, your ability to tell lifetimes and the depths of human feelings in one simple post. Thank you for sharing this story.

  35. furiousBall says:

    This is tough to comment on, because it’s hard not to personalize what your father went through as my own destiny.

    No David Lee Roth quote jokes here, just yeah…ow.

  36. Dan says:

    Joc, this is an amazing post. You made me cry.

    Write a book. PLEASE write a book. You are the best writer of any blog I visit. And I visit loads.

    Hugs.

  37. Jeannie says:

    Wow.
    When my father was in the worst part of his alcoholic haze, my mother confessed that she had visited a lawyer to consider divorce. She didn’t do it and I believe she is happy herself that she persevered as he began his decline shortly after. I wonder how your mother is feeling now – she would have been “free” without guilt before long if she had only held out a bit. Hindsight is 20/20 of course and she would have had no way to know at the time.

  38. Claire says:

    Long time marriages are extremely complicated things and there may be other things that you don’t even know about (or not) that went on between your parents. That said,
    Beautifully written and I second Dan’s motion.
    btw, Dan -not everyone with a blog considers themselves writers. Some of us less gifted folk just enjoy the parlance with many kinds of people.

  39. Princess Pointful says:

    I’m glad you ended it with such a beautiful picture. He looks so happy.

    I’m afraid you’ve brought me to tears, too.

    But I’m sure that from up there in his easy chair, he is glowing a little knowing that you still love him so.

  40. urban-urchin says:

    I am so sorry for your loss, the divorce, everything. (((hug))) You are a tremendous talent my friend.

  41. Mother of Invention says:

    The tears are streaming down my face still, Jocelyn. I started when your dad was sobbing in your arms. Too bad they couldn’t have dealt with these problems and tried to deal with them but it probably wasn’t done much in that time. Maybe your dad never realised how your mom felt and wouldn’t have knowm how to reach out to show his feelings.

    How raw and touching. Thanks.
    Maybe the happy ending is indeed in a place for all of us after our time here. Hope your dad is enjoying it in his quiet Finnish way.

  42. CS says:

    You almost lost me at pusing womanhoods” (shudder). But I’m glad I kept reading, because this was a powerfully moving story. Life is so very strange sometimes, and the losses hit hard. Thanks for sharing that with us.

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