All Shook Up

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38 Responses

  1. geewits says:

    My mom knows everything. But from books.
    I thought it was funny that your 69 people were described like:

    “two very lucky stick people who happily met each other head to toe”

    I never got that. I always thought 69 was silly. How can you enjoy something while you are concentrating on something else? It’s like trying to enjoy a foot massage while you are putting together a lasagne or trying to listen to a good song while you are trying to tell a joke. It seems like a lot of wasted effort. Just do one or the other. Get the foot massage and THEN make the lasagne.

  2. Voyager says:

    There’s something sweet about such innocence. Wouldn’t it be fun to still get the giggles over words like cunnilingis?
    V.

  3. SQT says:

    OMG! I am laughing my a** off. I can just picture you drawing that picture for your mom.

    I have a friend whose mom is experiencing her own little sexual revolution now that she’s in her 60’s and it’s a tad disturbing. My friend literally just holds her hands over her ears and does the “la la la I can’t hear you” song whenever her mom talks about her boyfriends. I don’t blame her. Just the idea of my mom having sex gives me the heebie jeebies.

  4. Theresa says:

    I have some serious cleaning to do on my keyboard since it is now drenched in coffee. That was the funniest thing I’ve heard in ages. It reminds me of the time my husband told a joke about Little Red Riding Hood and Pinocchio happily meeting each other from head to toe, and Red says to Pinocchio “Lie to me, Pinocchio, lie to me.” My mother-in-law, who was there, had no idea what it was all about, so he had to explain it to her. After the inital shock, she laughed her head off.

  5. AmyTree says:

    We should introduce our stick people – mine never have quite such fun!!

  6. Patience says:

    I can’t imagine ever having a discussion about these things with my mom!! Ewwwwww! I could though have had these conversations with my grandmother. Go figure that one!

  7. Jeannie says:

    Kudos to your Mom for being willing to even ask you questions with such a past! My Mom reads so I’m pretty sure she’s up on everything but I’ve no idea what she has personally experienced and don’t care to either.

    It does show you how different life has become in just a few decades though doesn’t it?

  8. Tai says:

    LOL!
    Yeah, my mom’s like that too, but she’s about 20 years younger than your mom.

    Sweet, innocent and prefers life viewed through lenses of the rose coloured variety.

    But I’m not entirely sure I could deal with those questions from my mom…seems so wrong!
    “Mom! You don’t want to know! Don’t ask those questions!! Stop talking! Lalalalalala”

  9. Claire says:

    You are brave. I do not want to have any conversations like that with my 50’s era mom. Too Much Information -can be a bad squirmy uncomfortable thing. Although she once confessed that having to ‘do it’ with my stepfather was gross.
    Lalalalala…

  10. Em says:

    This is very funny. It seems there was an entire generation…just on the verge of Elvis and the Beatles…who got completely overlooked in the musical/cultural/sexual revolutions of the 60’s. Amazing what a different just a year or two can make.

    My mom and my wife’s mom have that same lack of knowledge about so many things. And I am NOT drawing any pictures to help them. They can look things up on the internet just like I do! LOL

  11. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    This is hilarious. I know for a fact that MY mother never had sex and that my brother and I were the products of divine intervention. Especially him, the junior god of our household.

  12. Hammer says:

    Wow I guess she’s a late bloomer. Better late than never I guess. It’s a good thing she isn’t learning all these things from the wrong people 😉

  13. Karen says:

    Eeew. I got creeped out reading this. I’m glad you and your mom are comfortable enough to discuss this kind of stuff but the thought of explaining oral sex to my mom makes me curl up into the fetal position and I want to crawl under my desk to hide.

  14. frannie says:

    oh my! I do believe I need to sit a spell.

  15. urban-urchin says:

    My mother had a similar upbringing. Chaste, modest. Didn’t pierce her ears because that’s what the cheap girls did. One night in high school I was talking with her and my brother about a guy who I had gone out on a date with but wasn’t really into.

    “Why don’t you give him a blow job?” mom asks innocently. My brother and I simultanously spit our coffee across the table and gently explained what her suggestion entailed. “NO! Don’t do that!!!” she said. In her attempt to be hip and tell me to ‘blow him off’ she had become extremely confused.

    She also referred to the heavy metal music my brother liked as ‘hard steel’ God bless her.

  16. My Reflecting Pool says:

    WOW. I feel like I should be happy that your mom finally got to experience some good stuff. Then again, the regrets she must have for not knowing how good things could have been all these years has to be huge. Your poor mom.

  17. cathy says:

    My mum is a samaritan so she probably knows stuff I don’t.
    They get quite a few lewd calls apparently.

    Nice to know that there is sex after men-o-pause.

  18. That Chick Over There says:

    Are you SURE your mom isn’t Southern? I mean, 100% positive?

    Also? BAHAHAHAAHA!

  19. Mamma says:

    Here via Dorky Dad.

    I’m so glad my mom was a teenager in the early 60’s.

  20. rak says:

    I love that you are so frank with her! She is lucky to have you as her “go-to” gal for this stuff.

    And, btw, you are a fabulous storyteller!

  21. Top cat says:

    What a sweet post, I loved reading about your mom and…you’re a good daughter jocelyn.:)

  22. my4kids says:

    Oh wow! I’m glad my mother knows what most of that stuff is. I couldn’t imagine trying to explain it to her!

  23. kimber the wolfgrrrl says:

    I lauuuuuughed at this post! Lucky, lucky stick people!

    One afternoon, having tea with my landlady, she leaned across the table. “Can I ask you a question?” she asked in her Irish accent. “I asked my son, but he refuses to answer me. It’s a word I heard on television… do you know what a MO-FO is?”

    How do you answer that without sounding rude?!?! I pondered the question and, finally, after a sip of tea, I said, “Have you ever read Oedipus Rex? Good old Oedipus was a MO….” pause. “FO…”

    “Ooooooooooh!” she said with wide eyes and dawning understanding.

  24. Casdok says:

    I can have open talks with my mum to, good isnt it!

  25. Maddy says:

    Good grief! Your mum and mine have a great deal in common.
    Best wishes

  26. Pendullum says:

    Ewwwwwwwwwweeeee.
    I do not think ANY of us need to think about the implications of Gene’s tongue!!!!!!!
    Let alone your mother… baby steps… Elvis is a good pelvic thrust forward….

  27. Julie says:

    I love that you’re having these conversations with your mom! The closest I’ve come to this sort of discomfort was attending my mom’s bachelorette party a few years back. The memory of her sucking back a few “blow job” shots still gives me the shivers.

  28. Jazz says:

    Makes me wonder just how much my mom knows about such things, but then again, maybe not.

    As for Gene Simmons, such an interesting tongue he has. Ummm hmmmmm.

  29. Franki says:

    a) Wonderful that you have such an open relationship with your mom.

    b) Horrible that you have such an open relationship with your mom!

    😉

  30. Jill says:

    My Mom grew up in the same time warp. I don’t really know what she knows, because she would never say it out loud to anyone. In serious conversations, she whispers the word “sex” and spells fuck. I find the spelling thing especially ironic since I remember her yelling that word at me when I was a kid.

    Let’s hear it for revisionist history. It’s how we all sleep at night, I guess.

  31. furiousBall says:

    I happen to be able to draw a wicked dirty sanchez cartoon if she needs it.

  32. susan says:

    OMG this is just too funny. I’m just glad it’s you and not me having to explain things to my mom!

  33. Mother of Invention says:

    Too funny but I bet your mom wasn’t the only one like that in her generation.
    And it begs the question…what will our children be explaining to us when we’re that age?!!
    And makes me wonder..how much more can there be left to discover or invent in that area?!!

  34. Princess Pointful says:

    I had something funny to say.
    But I’m too grossed out by Gene Simmons’ tongue.
    Eww eww eww.

  35. Glamourpuss says:

    Golly. It’s a wonder you were born at all.

    Puss

  36. Diana says:

    Psychic sister, I am once again chortling. I got to hear all about my mother’s sex life at her recent visit a couple of weeks ago.

    As neither needed clarification, stick people weren’t involved but afterward I felt the need for an amnestic agent.

    The things we do for our parents.

  37. lime says:

    do you think she is ready for pink’s ‘u and ur hand?’

  38. CS says:

    I’m with franki – I find it both sweet and appalling that you and your Mom have these conversations! I’m in more of the “la la la not listening” camp.

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