Coyotes; Time As An Abstract

NPR runs a weekly audio essay entitled “This I Believe” in which average folks hold forth on an issue or idea that they hold dear; NPR describes this segment as a forum where people “…from all walks of life share the personal philosophies and core values that guide their daily lives.”

Since I walk and have a life, I must also have philosophies and values, ja? And dammit, but I’ve held back with my personal views long enough on this blog. It’s time to cut loose.

Thus, I’ve decided I will occasionally feature my own “This I Believe” posts, from time to time, especially when blogging time is at a premium, and I need easy filler. My “This I Believe” posts are just me vamping a bit (again, not something we’re familiar with on this blog).

But let’s keep that vamping part just between you and me, okay?

Shake on it?

Cool. But your palms are a little sweaty. Are you hiding something?

After much consideration and vetting (I had to toss out gun control and the death penalty–too thinky for this hollow noggin), I have arrived at this week’s issue of deep passion:

I believe pillows, like my belly, should be fluffy.

When punched and scrunched, a good pillow should change shape. A good pillow, after the fashion of my husband, should give and give and give and then, to top it all off, be a little more flexible.

I detest a hard pillow. Those unforgiving ironing-board-like pillows that never take on an indentation, even when brass knuckles are applied with great force? They’re just mean.

And after my early thirties and a particularly-bad break-up, I made a solemn vow that never again would I allow Mean into my bed. Whether a wolf in sheep’s clothing or an ironing board in a pillowcase, I will not abide the mean.

The thing about an adamantine pillow is that it hurts me, even when I’ve been nuthin’ but good to it. I give it flannel and jersey; I speak to it gently; I lay the freshest of heads upon it. But then, during the night, it gives me, in return, a bloodied cauliflower ear. It makes the side of my head feel like a lugnut has been soldered on during dreamtime, and I do have ever so difficult a time hanging earrings off a lugnut.

Hard pillows, those compressed anti-downers, need to be fired. Take away their jobs; put them in the incinerator; glaze them and shove them into a kiln–but fire them.

This, I Believe.

Comments

comments

By Jocelyn

There's this game put out by the American Girl company called "300 Wishes"--I really like playing it because then I get to marvel, "Wow, it's like I'm a real live American girl who has 300 wishes, and that doesn't suck, especially compared to being a dead one with none."

32 comments

  1. My pillows have to be forever cool to the touch. I hate the ones that feel warm like they have been under someones butt for an hour.

  2. I believe in pillows too. I know they exist. But only if you believe in them, otherwise, you’ll wake up and your neck will kill you.

  3. That’s not sweat it’s spit. My great grandpappy taught me as a young-un to always spit into yer hand before shaking on something, it makes a man’ word bonding.
    Aren’t you glad I told you before you grabbed that Dorito?
    Anyway I like fluffy pillows but I don’t like it when they go flat cause then my neck hurts.
    tc

  4. i believe in pillows of differeing squooshyness (not squishyness because squishy is to be equated with being noncommital, rather like a political candidate eternally waffling on views so as to curry the most favor with the widest possible audience and i long ago banned politicians from my bed. no, squooshyness is that indefinable quality of perfect soft suitability to the task). when the lumbago kicks in i want a nice firm couple of pillows for under my knees as i sleep on my back and seek to relieve pressure on the nastily herniated disks. these pillows must be firm enough to bear the weight of my squoosy legs without compressing flatly but soft enough to comfort my aching self. if i am to sleep on my side the pillow that cradles my addled head my be soft enough to allow some sinkage but not so soft as to collapse and either smother me as it surrounds my face or leave my head cocked at an angle suggesting my ear was intimate with my shoulder all night. should i need a body pillow to cuddle he (of course it’s a he, since he is a surrogate companion..i shall call him hugh g. darling) shall be firm and supportive but yielding to my to my desire to squeeze the stuffins out of him if need be.

    in all these pillows there shall be found no down because down pillows make me wheeze in asthmatic fits.

    i am fonder of oxygen than i am of down, this i believe

    word veri: jotzsiz…yes your psychic sis jotted this down

  5. An audio essay – what a great idea. As a novelist, I think that rocks …. along with your plan to fire hard pillows!

  6. I have yet to find the perfect pillow. And I search, oh yes, I search. Maybe I want something that doesn’t exist, but like hammer, I HATE a hot pillow. My current pillows spit out feathers like it’s a contest. I had to change my “vacuum day” to the same day as “wash the sheets day” because my bedroom floor looked like my cats had killed a bird every week.

  7. I like a kinda flatish pillow that is big enough to fold…the best of all worlds…and yes indeed mean hard pillows….instruments of evil.

  8. Pillows are the scourge of my life. I have yet to find the perfect pillow. I search and search and buy and discard. It’s hell being me.

  9. I believe in your belief. AND it amazes me that I’ve never seen this on any political platform yet.

    You should run on this issue alone. I’d vote for ya!

    (my word verification was ‘owang’. made me laugh. ‘cus I am 12.)

  10. I am soooo totally with you on this. I must have two pillows and they must be completely giving and flexible and conform to my every demand.

  11. LOL…I’m so glad you dug deep for your first “This I Believe”. And I look forward to all of them!

    As for pillows, I like soft but it can’t let my head sink in so deep that it starts to smother me. I need my snoring…errr…..breathing space.

  12. A comfty pillow is a must. Think about Princess and the Pea. A stiff neck and body I can do without. Bring on the firing (both burning and loss of jobs) of all hard pillows.

  13. You are too funny. I too love the soft and scrunchy pillow. And I want to know what is the point of a hard pillow? I have always wondered.

  14. You said it!! No mean stuff in bed, ever. I sleep with lots of pillows. I’m a pillow-slut, and I’m not afraid to admit it. Pillows are not just for heads.

  15. Me, too!!! Only the softest down pillows need apply.

    For most of my life, I didn’t even use a pillow because my family had those rock hard, unyielding foam things.

    Finally I discovered the one that was meant for me, and I hang onto it until it falls apart. Then I replace it and still keep it for a huggy pillow which goes perpendicular to the one I lay my head on.

    Soft pillow lovers of the world, Unite.

  16. Yes, and let’s not forget those pancake pillows with no substance whatsoever! Foam or feathers? Achoo! Give me something I can gather and smush up to my..achoo…liking!

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