Three a.m.: The Onamotapeiac Hour

34 Responses

  1. Anette says:

    A splendid story! Good thinking with the emergency-tshirt!

  2. AmyTree says:

    You write about vomit with such elan! Good use of the man-blouse – they also come in hands for mopping up sick pets…(for those times when sick pets liquify, obviously…)

    Could you drop me a quick email? I Have a small favour to ask…


  3. Glamourpuss says:

    Goodness me. Now there’s a silver lining. Co-evolution sounds a bit too scietific for me, I’ll still with the spiritual law of manifestation; I think about knickers, knickers arrive.


  4. oreneta says:

    We have cartons of t-shirts storeed somewhere or other, and cartons more that have gone off to goodwill…I think the breed. Little man blouse sex orgies…kind of reminding me of your science teacher here…producing an ever expanding number of the things.

  5. Em says:

    You never fail to make me laugh. And to stand (okay, I’m sitting…but you get the point) in awe of your writing talents. I’ll never view the midnight heave in the same way again.

    And good luck to hubby in chasing taters…or whatever it is.

  6. Maddy says:

    We have a stack of old bath towels both upstairs and down, but I much prefer your solution.

  7. lime says:

    i am most impressed at your ability to write not only coherently but to seamlessly weave together puke, t-shirts, races, and biological terminology into a coherent and entertaining post after spending the night swabbing vomit off floors. me? i’d just vomit some nonsense onto the server that is blogger and hope my readers brains could adequately soak up the spillage.

  8. liv says:

    Brilliant. Really, everything about this post that is so very, very long is brilliant. I say that in true awe since my brain would have given out just after spew and nice washcloths. But, then you hooked me with long proboscis. Fantastic.

  9. Diana says:

    You were only thinking of charging the tourists $300? I’m betting Girl’s work would garner at least $3000.

    That would cover a whole lotta shirts, not that you need anymore.

  10. flutter says:

    really though, why aren’t floors absorbent and disinfectant? Without the use of nice (albeit washable) washcloths?

  11. Jill says:

    Who knew vomit could be so funny? Just for the record, the “pre-vomit” heaving noises that a cat or dog makes in the middle of the night will wake a person up just as quickly, especially if said animal is sleeping in the same bed as said person.

  12. Mother of Invention says:

    Very apt and vivid description! Ican almost smell it! Well, I’m wondering if the janitor stil comes to throw sawdust on it when kids barf on the classroom floor!

    Poor kiddo!
    Good luck to groom in Tri!

  13. Star says:

    That was an awesome post. ANd, any husband that will clean up vomit in the middle of the night, can use all the good towels he wants.

  14. Franki says:

    Maybe Groom can participate in a triathlon that gives away nice little plastic trash cans with a horrible graphic printed on the side to put next to each child’s bed? Cleaning up puke is against my religion.

  15. Claire says:

    Only you could connect vomit, orchids and co-evolution with such outstanding clarity. I think.
    heh, heh, you’re lucky – I am the designated puke plower in my house.

  16. Dorky Dad says:

    Yeah, you know, I’m feeling really queasy today, and then I go and read this. Perfect timing.

    Note to self: don’t let wife read this post, lest she get ideas for what to do with my shirts.

  17. kimber the wolfgrrrl says:

    It is rather amazing at the hyperspace quickness with which the human mind can go from deep sleep to alert cleanliness when vomit is involved.

    I have one race shirt, ONE, which I struggled through 8 kilometers to recieve last autumn, and I’ll be damned if any scrap of bodily fluid will stain it — such is the opinion of this Warcraft-playing couch potato. When I squeeze my pudgy frame into my race t-shirt, I feel mildly athletic, and it’s much easier to wear the shirt than to actually BE athletic.

  18. jen says:

    you can even make puking sound like a good time, sister. i don’t know how you do it, but you do. and i love it.

  19. Hammer says:

    The great thing about pet vomit is if you wait ten minutes they eat it again.

  20. Jazz says:

    What a novel use for tshirts. Maybe I should borrow kids during the high vomit months in order to thin Mr. Jazz’s way out of hand collection of Ts

  21. Theresa says:

    I never thought vomit could make me laugh, but you have achieved the impossible. Many an ugly t-shirt has fulfilled its destiny in much the same fashion at our house. 🙂

  22. Claudia says:

    Give me ANY childhood illness you can name, bring it on, but for the love of all that is sacred, keep the stomach flu/bug/upsets. I heave at the mere mention of heave. As you can imagine, when someone throws up here it’s QUITE chaotic.

  23. citizen of the world says:

    No one warns you about the sheer volume of vomit and other spewed boy fluids you must deal with once you have kids. It would be a hell of a contraceptive.

  24. SQT says:

    Puke in the middle of the night is the Devil’s work. Especially when you have a daughter with long hair.

    Trust me, I have thought hard about cutting her hair just because of the puke factor.

  25. the frogster says:

    I found the swimmy things you put on your biceps a big help when I would do laps on the local jogging path. They cushioned the blow, and made it a lot easier to avoid drowning.

  26. my4kids says:

    Oh wow you make me laugh! I wish I had half your talent for telling a story sometimes…..
    You are fortunate though. When the hubby hears that “splat” he generally hides under the covers pretending to have not heard and still be sleeping…..

  27. susan says:

    It’s always good to have a plan.

    I’m just greatful my kids never get sick…at least not in a barfing sort of way

  28. Dory says:

    Excellent post! You do have a way with your turns of phrase!

    *raises a glass to you*

  29. Steve says:

    This is the first time I’ve been in before the 31st comment. I’m on a meteoric rise not unlike the prequell to Girl’s hurl. I was wondering what you were going to do with all of those shirts.

  30. My Reflecting Pool says:

    I hated the spat years. Especially the ones that went rocketing down the stairs. Nothing like cleaning it out of crevaces for days. Bleh.

    I like that your thighs are nutcrackers. hahaha.I’m going to have to borrow that. Hope you don’t mind.

    I wish we had thought of using all those crap t-shirts Poor Bill earned in our early years.

  31. pistols at dawn says:

    All men spend their lives in desperate need of another t-shirt with a poorly designed graphic.

    Well told – best puking story of the day.

  32. amymalia says:

    It must be said that you are both a comic genius AND f-ing hilarious. And I laughed out freaking loud the first time I read your blog. I’d tell you that I’m totally jealous (I mean, ADMIRE) you immensely from the tip of my toes to the top of my head, but my feet kind of smell right now, haven’t seen a bottle of polish in MONTHS and I haven’t washed my (needing highlights) hair yet today, so I fear the complimentary effect will be lost.

  33. amymalia says:

    You know how whenever you get licensed somewhere (like in NY, when you become a PA or MD) you get your license and it says License #456,598,354,763–meaning there were 456,598,354,762 people before you? Well, your reader license reads number TWO.

    How cool is that??

    Actually, please don’t answer that. Just smile and nod, smile and nod.

  34. chelle says:

    Some how we have avoided the middle of the night vomit sessions SO FAR …

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