Hep Me. Hep. Me.

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54 Responses

  1. Claire says:

    I never worry much about mice and ferrets, but a big ‘ole spider crawling across my giant pregnant belly circa 1995 could make a girl piss her pants.

  2. flutter says:

    Dude. Who crapped on your cupcakes?

  3. liv says:

    “Plus, sometimes, even in icy conditions, she exceeded the speed limit.”

    a beautiful aside, and a terrifically relevant detail.

    i think i might have peed a little when i read this. but because i was laughing, not because i was sitting on the toilet with my laptop. swear.

  4. August says:

    So when did the ferret poop on the cupcakes?

    Maybe it was only helping you better understand Ackerman’s Natural History of the Senses.

    August

  5. Lone Grey Squirrel says:

    I am a big fan of horror movies and I can easily see your story adapted and made into one great horror hit.

    Enjoyed the spine chilling ride.

  6. Glamourpuss says:

    I am not a fan of the ferret either – evil little buggers with sharp teeth. I hope the wolf got it in the end.

    BTW Lift and Lube sounds like fun. Or maybe I’m just a pervert.

    Puss

  7. oreneta says:

    The free adjustment was a very nice touch…can’t say I really mind ferrets THAT much…

  8. Claudia says:

    I heart ferrets. I just can’t stand the smell. Well, I can long enough to cuddle them, but then someone else must take them home so the smell in my house doth not linger.

    And someone pooped on your dessert. Damn ferret. Is it bad they still look kinda yummy??!

  9. Jazz says:

    Oh god! I’m supposed to be revising a report here. It shouldn’t be making me giggle maniacally… They’ll know something is up!!!

    Oh, and I just can’t visualize you as someone who would be afraid of mice and ferrets and such. I just can’t see it.

  10. furiousBall says:

    you know before Chachi met Joannie he was in the special forces stationed in Milwaukee to fight the commies.

    why do you think he wore the red bandana around his thigh?

    why do you think i italicized the word red? that’s right because it’s an allusion to commies, just like Grand Moff Tarkin or any of the Lesser Moff Tarkins

  11. Maggie says:

    why is it that people who own ferrets:

    a) are usually the “raving bitch-whore of a psychotic git” or at least “unreliable” type?

    b) always claiming they don’t bite?

  12. amymalia says:

    Can we please talk about what’s going on with your cupcakes? Seriously. You can’t put a picture of poop muffins up and then just PRETEND THAT IT’S NOT THERE.

  13. Say it says:

    I’ve always had good times at the lift and lube. at 19 a friend had a ferret that he would take out when we had parties. I think the key to liking ferrets is to be drunk.

  14. Jocelyn says:

    The cupcake frosting is EXACTLY the look of what the Evil Fur left lying all around the house, on furniture, the stairs, etc.

    It was so gross I couldn’t even eat cupcakes when we made them.

    Which, yes, makes no sense.

  15. Theresa says:

    Darn, now what do I do with the ferret I bought you for your birthday?

  16. chelle says:

    When I spotted the poo on the cupcakes I knew I was in for a treat!

  17. Lone Grey Squirrel says:

    Jocelyn,
    For bravery in the face of ferrets and other accomplishments, I have an award waiting for you. Please come over to collect it.

  18. Maddy says:

    I’m told that ferrets make great pets, but I can’t say that I’m overly keen myself. I think you made the far better choice!
    Cheers

  19. lime says:

    another thing about ferrets is the miasma created by their peculiar malodorous presence. PU! just lends to the evil air.

  20. susan says:

    One of my girls had a teacher that owned a ferret and would bring it in every once in a while. Of course they begged for us to get one too. (Idiot teacher!)

    I’m sooo glad I was the mean mom and told my girls (and their father) NO. Stinkin’ things…

  21. Dorky Dad says:

    Those are the most disgusting cupcakes I have ever seen.

    And this story is exactly why I don’t have ferrets. That and they stink like butt.

  22. Dory says:

    When Tom and I were dating and the first year of our marriage we had ferrets. That’s right, plural. But we also had a cage!
    They’re cute little boogers, especially when there’s two of them and they play together. Funny that the Jaws theme played… we used to call them our little carpet sharks!

  23. pistols at dawn says:

    I have never been so glad to have been from the East Coast/never lived with stoners, who are the only people I remember keeping ferrets as pets. Except for the Beastmaster, of course.

  24. Tai says:

    LOL!! Ferrets are VERY clever and extremly persistent.
    Good thing you made it to the lube place…we might have never met!

  25. Mother of Invention says:

    OMG, this is too funny! (If only whomever wrote that Jaws theme knew how many times it played over in people’s minds!!!)

    Did the owner not stoop and scoop the poop?

    My husband’s roomie had 2 bushbabies who would appear various places at night..(being nocturnal, it’s not too weird…for THEM!)including in the bathroom ON the shower curtain…as well as in the bedroom voyeuring extra-curricular activities! I don’t know why they became used to my screams!!??

  26. Magpie says:

    “Skank on wee paws”. That’s the best line I’ve heard in a long time.

  27. Princess Pointful says:

    You make me giggle.
    Although I thought you may have been talking about a succubus at first.

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