Pecking at the Picketing PETA Pipers

Keith Richards was named this week as the new face of Louis Vuitton (headed by Marc Jacobs).

Shortly after the contracts were signed, Jacobs seized Keith’s face in a firm embrace, skinned it, and used the leather to make a suitcase.

Keith staggered home, enjoying the aftereffects of the anesthesia, eager to answer his family’s questions about his wildass experience at the Designer Shoppe. Sadly, since his look had only veered from “pretty damn skeletal” to “truly skeletal,” nobody noticed the change. Later, processing his day solitarily, Keith felt it ironically appropriate to visit Facebook, where he friended master prop comic Gallagher before logging off to snort his father’s remaining ashes.

Next week, to “support” Louis Vuitton’s new line of hobo purses and matching wallets, Marc Jacobs hopes to sign Nick Nolte and Mickey Rourke.



By Jocelyn

There's this game put out by the American Girl company called "300 Wishes"--I really like playing it because then I get to marvel, "Wow, it's like I'm a real live American girl who has 300 wishes, and that doesn't suck, especially compared to being a dead one with none."


  1. truth?

    my dad was on high school swim team with gallagher. these were clearly the days before the sledge-o-matic had been invented.

    this is fact.

  2. Really? Keith Richards and Louis Vuitton? Wow, shocking. All three of those guys need a good facial and some time out of the sun :).

  3. I would recommend a facelift for the poor old sod but then of course he would have his schlong as a necktie.

  4. i remember reading that jerry hall said she wasn’t afraid that her kids would do drugs since they had been around Keith Richards their entire lives…. Sort of a real live (well sort of) this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs commerical….

  5. Did you know that the residue from Keith Richards body alone supported 6 major South American drug plantations for 15 years?

    True story.

  6. * hurls her breakfast *

    Though, I will admit, they made Richards look pretty decent in POC 3. 😉 If you like half-dead pirates.

  7. Nolte and Rourke look ragged, but you know they at least have better moments. Keith Ricahrds, on the other hand, has looked dead for years.

  8. Mickey Rourke and Gallagher should tour together so there’d be at least two laughable punchlines in the set.

  9. howdy, wanted to come back and thank you for the comments on the various posts but especially the political rant i did. i was mainly expressing my cynicism, rather than saying none of them did anything noteworthy. i agree that carter has done amazing things post-presidency. i don’t think anyone can argue otherwise. and i did forget about the civil rights advances made under johnson. as positive as i am about other things i am deeply cynical about all things political but i really appreciate your input. i would have emailed this rather than gunk up your post here but i didn’t see an addy anywhere and i wanted to make sure you saw this.

    thanks again.

  10. Wow. So rock and roll that Richards. Not a sell-out at all, oh no, and Louis Vuitton, such a brand of integrity.


  11. You keeeel me with this one. Too funny. I’m rolling on the floor here.

    I agree, what’s with Keith as supermodel? I do not. Get it.

    You are too kule for rules Jocelyn.

  12. I’m already on their waiting list for the new Keith Richard’s purse..

    I just hope I don’t get the part of his arm with all the needle holes…

  13. Too funny!! I especially liked the bit about Keith enjoying the aftereffects of anesthesia. The fact that he is still living at all is astounding.

    Marc Jacobs should try to sign Robert Redford, too.

    I’m loving the comments to this post. They are on the level of your hilarious report.

  14. Glad that stuff only happens at the movies…or don’t they?

    Sorry I haven’t visited in a while…buried in homework. 🙂

  15. I cringe even thinking about touching their leathery skin. Ew.

    PS. I have been a very missing girl lately, due to explosions of busyness, and for that, I apologize!

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