Lord of the Borax

Ever since the execrable Laundry Elf Massacre of 2006,

my lot has gotten much harder.

Effing Dishwasher Dwarves and Vaccum Chimeras and their insatiable need for random beheadings and household domination.

Their bloodlust has resulted in constant heaps of wrinkled fabric splayed across the carpet, awaiting my attention.

Effing, effing, effing.

The creatures are mythical, as is the notion of a clean home.



By Jocelyn

There's this game put out by the American Girl company called "300 Wishes"--I really like playing it because then I get to marvel, "Wow, it's like I'm a real live American girl who has 300 wishes, and that doesn't suck, especially compared to being a dead one with none."


  1. my laundry elves have started a band, they practice in the garage and drink all my beer all the time. … laundry elves.

  2. did those cursed beasts who plagued me with 15 loads of BO/swampwater/camp laundry escape my dungeon and come wreak havoc on you? i am so sorry.

  3. Soccer Mom morphs into Laundry Ace. I have pets, a girl child, and various manchildren running through my house. It hasn’t been clean since 1992 when we moved into our brand new house. For shame! I said to myself. I just try not to get too worked up about it. Now if the rats move indoors, then I know it’ll be time for a housecleaning, heh, heh.

  4. i am thinking I’ll just wait for school to start. at that poinht, it will have been three months since I felt caught up

  5. Do your elves wander around after you, dogging your footsteps, creating order after chaos in your wake? Mine do.

    Soon they will all go to school, to become literate elves and chimeras and I will get to enjoy hours of looking at what I’ve just cleaned.

    And I will miss them terribly.


  6. Who let you in to my house???! That’s exactly what I have going on here, too. I’d trade a boob for someone to do my laundry every day. Really. I would.

  7. I think you’ll find that if you wear your magic fairy pants* (with added sparkle dust for really itchy magic), the housework will do itself. Or, if it doesn’t, you can always remove the pants and dust the furniture with them – there’s something liberating about naked housework.

    * I believe that’s ‘panties’ to you, otherwise you’ll think I meant trousers, and only the Pan himself can wear the magic fairy trousers…

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