Lord of the Borax

Ever since the execrable Laundry Elf Massacre of 2006,

my lot has gotten much harder.

Effing Dishwasher Dwarves and Vaccum Chimeras and their insatiable need for random beheadings and household domination.

Their bloodlust has resulted in constant heaps of wrinkled fabric splayed across the carpet, awaiting my attention.

Effing, effing, effing.

The creatures are mythical, as is the notion of a clean home.





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17 responses to “Lord of the Borax”

  1. chelle Avatar

    Ok I seriously need some Laundry Elves …. Oh OH and some clean the toilet fairies … please ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. furiousBall Avatar

    my laundry elves have started a band, they practice in the garage and drink all my beer all the time. … laundry elves.

  3. Shania Avatar

    I know not of this farce that you speak. This “clean home” must surely be a myth of your imagination.

  4. lime Avatar

    did those cursed beasts who plagued me with 15 loads of BO/swampwater/camp laundry escape my dungeon and come wreak havoc on you? i am so sorry.

  5. Jazz Avatar

    I hear you sista! And I don’t even have kids.

  6. Karen MEG Avatar
    Karen MEG

    Elves? You had laundry elves?

    Clean house is a myth. A cruel urban legend.

  7. Hammer Avatar

    My kids do the laundry I put it away. It’s not perfect but it keeps the piles contained somewhat.

  8. Claire Avatar

    Soccer Mom morphs into Laundry Ace. I have pets, a girl child, and various manchildren running through my house. It hasn’t been clean since 1992 when we moved into our brand new house. For shame! I said to myself. I just try not to get too worked up about it. Now if the rats move indoors, then I know it’ll be time for a housecleaning, heh, heh.

  9. Ann(ie) Avatar

    Looks my my house.

    And did someone say toilet fairies???? Hello!!!

  10. stepping over the junk Avatar
    stepping over the junk

    i am thinking I’ll just wait for school to start. at that poinht, it will have been three months since I felt caught up

  11. Diana Avatar

    Do your elves wander around after you, dogging your footsteps, creating order after chaos in your wake? Mine do.

    Soon they will all go to school, to become literate elves and chimeras and I will get to enjoy hours of looking at what I’ve just cleaned.

    And I will miss them terribly.


  12. choochoo Avatar

    Clean home? Those only excist on tv.

  13. rak Avatar

    I think we should all stop fighting it and just let it take over ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Dragonfly Dreaming Avatar
    Dragonfly Dreaming

    Who let you in to my house???! That’s exactly what I have going on here, too. I’d trade a boob for someone to do my laundry every day. Really. I would.

  15. yinyang Avatar

    Oh, come on, they don’t look that dirty. Just Febreze and wear, and you’ll be fine.

  16. Glamourpuss Avatar

    I think you’ll find that if you wear your magic fairy pants* (with added sparkle dust for really itchy magic), the housework will do itself. Or, if it doesn’t, you can always remove the pants and dust the furniture with them – there’s something liberating about naked housework.

    * I believe that’s ‘panties’ to you, otherwise you’ll think I meant trousers, and only the Pan himself can wear the magic fairy trousers…

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