She Couldn’t Pour Water Out of a Boot If The Instructions Were on the Heel

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21 Responses

  1. flutter says:

    nothing is more sad than a neglected nostril. Not that I am suffering that affliction….

  2. chelle says:

    hahaha the Gap ….

  3. Janelle says:

    oh brilliant brilliant brilliant You! you are SO FUNNY.. i am so glad i found you. the kids conversation mind blowingly spot on, eh? right down to the very last hole in nostril…XXX janelle

  4. lime says:

    i bet she could get her own finger way up that nostril with no brain to impede her progress and all.

    also, at the inquiry i’d have been tempted to weave a fantastical tale of such amputational woe and such brilliant surgical reattachment including bionic digits covered in real flesh she’d forever be awestruck at the powers of wee niblet.

  5. Pam says:

    I wince at this, having seen the results of jammed fingers too many times (car doors, sliding glass doors,car windows),inflicted by myself, friends and relatives.Now that I am child-free (of my own and everybody else’s), Dennis the Menace cat-next-door, always appears when the garage door is automatically relentlessly descending, rolling down, marginally slower than the guillotine.Cats don’t pick their nose I know, but just be thankful the neighbours child doesn’t proudly present her bottom to your face.In what universe does a cat think that’s attractive?..and neither, Dennis is a half-splayed squashed herniated feline.Actually, on the nose-pickey thing, I’ve seen more motorists than children indulging.I feel like winding down the window and saying “Marry me”.Nose rage I think they call it.xox.

  6. Franki says:

    i did once roll up the window trapping my eldest child’s chubby arm. luckily he is too young to remember it.

    bad mommy.

  7. furiousBall says:

    you know… what if the boot didn’t have water in it in the first place? hmm?

    that’s right, you the frog, jump.

  8. Jamie says:

    The scene:
    Me in driver’s seat.
    Stuck driver side window.
    Left hand on “up” button.
    Right hand pulling up stuck window.
    Knee steering wheel.
    Window releases FAST.
    Right hand gets stuck in window.
    Left hand still on “up” button.
    Left hand, left brain, dead.
    Here comes stop sign.
    Panic.
    Knee no longer has control.
    Panic.
    Stop sign getting closer.
    Panic.
    Left brain, left hand, still dead.
    Enter front bumper into stop sign.

    Why the hell didn’t I just use my left hand to push the “down button” thus setting my right hand free? I ask myself that question quite often. I guess it makes for a better story this way.

  9. pistols at dawn says:

    That’s how I end all my conversations, too, mostly because people aren’t as impressed with my finding of gold as you’d think.

  10. Shania says:

    “gadzookian” I am totally stealing that.

  11. jess says:

    Hey, haven’t you ever heard of bionic hand-reattachment surgery? That girl was just clearly up to date on her medical-super-hero literature

  12. Jazz says:

    ah, the life of the van mom

  13. susan says:

    “It got better!”

    Everything in the universe can be explained by Monty Python…

  14. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    Ah, Jocelyn. I nearly lost my coffee, heavy on the cream, no sugar, through my nose which it should be noted was not impeded by any fingers, mine or anyone else’s.

    Maybe Brain Trust Girl believes that body parts regenerate. I’m sure that if anyone could pull off such a maneuver, it would be Wee Niblet, but how nice that he doesn’t have to.

    My mother once slammed my daughter’s tiny paw in the car door and as we were leaving the hospital hours later, she managed to do the same thing to my son. Kids are survivors. (They have to be.)

  15. choochoo says:

    Oh my, the magically closing finger-eating windows sound terrifying:)

  16. citizen of the world says:

    Ha ha ha! You’d have to call him Wee Nublet!

    And poor little girl. But at least she has sorority life to look forward to.

  17. Diana says:

    Hey, you know if they can re-attach those tractor-torn limbs and have them grip the ice cream cone, surely they could have re-attached Niblet’s after a fairly clean separation via window.

    Just always remember to save the parts in a plastic baggie.

    Thus I put to use my learnin’.

  18. stepping over the junk says:

    kind of like, at the end of a an exciting life or death lesson/story about why we listen to mommy, my little one says “DID YOU DIE?”

  19. Say It says:

    hehee. Very kindly stated.

  20. Glamourpuss says:

    Sounds like she has what we now call ‘learning difficulties’ but used to describe as ‘being thick’. Sigh.

    Puss

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