Try Honoring Thy Child for Damn Once

23 Responses

  1. Amy says:

    The flip side, or maybe not “flip” but “twin” is the parent who thinks it’s totally appropriate for his kid to hog the public spaces. We ran into that in a Florida hotel once, where at the pool, some kid was trying to get all the other kids out of the kiddie pool, and the dad came and yelled at me because my kids weren’t leaving.

    I hate Jodi Picoult. I’m not good book club material, because I’m too cranky to read what others want to read, but she was the last straw in the last book club I belonged to. We’d read two of her books, and a third was chosen, and I said, that’s it. I can’t take any more.

  2. furiousBall says:

    i want a picture of Jodi Picoult pinned underneath me

  3. ArtSparker says:

    It’s okay, I think you edited down the original thrust quite ffectively in the final exchange.

    Russian literary hair…could be a rich subject for drawing.

  4. Becky Cazares says:

    I never even HEARD of Ms. Picoult so me flips over to Amazon.com and begins to read an excerpt of one of her latest… um… pages filled with words and couldn’t make it all the way to the third sentence! What nonsense! Anyways, LUV the photos! (NOT a good thing to peruse with a mouthful of coffee, tho!)

  5. Shania says:

    I MUST know, which book did you throw? It was Sisters Keeper wasn’t it? With Handle with Care following close behind?

  6. steve says:

    Aha! I thought there was something different about Paco.

  7. chelle says:

    I cannot even imagine being married to a man like that … yuck. Although my husband is not the practically perfect in every way expert like myself (tongue in cheek) he would know what to recommend for one of the gremlin’s presents 🙂

  8. lime says:

    what a jerk. let’s hope sonny only ever bears a physical resemblance to dear old dipshit and figures out how to be a better father when the time comes.

    as for the essay on rrussian hair…i’d have given you and A just for making me snort lemon water, but i’m easy that way.

  9. the cubicle's backporch says:

    This is another reason parenthood has the potential to drive me insane: other parents. I think I’m talking myself out of having kids more every day! 🙂

    I love the pictures of your siblings sitting on you… hee hee.

  10. Green Girl in Wisconsin says:

    I’ll resist singing “Cat’s in the Cradle” like I used to when my husband was that dad. Thank GOD he has improved his parenting tactics and these days a dad like that one would send him over the abyss.

  11. phd in yogurtry says:

    I only tried one Picoult, can’t remember the name, not Keeper, I know that. And I was astounded by how poorly written.

    As for the parents who lapse in the “take action” department when their kids act up .. isn’t this a gender-wide phenom? Especially smiling upon little Johnny, as if looking for a nod of agreement, “Isn’t he so cute when he smears his feces on the table?”

    It’s epidemic in some neighborhoods.

  12. jess says:

    I threw a Jodi Picoult book once. I refrained from bonfiring too, but then it was a library book so I felt a little guilty even throwing it.

    I didn’t feel too guilty though, she’s just that bad.

  13. citizen of the world says:

    I think I’d be saying, with an incredulous tone, “Seriously? You have NO idea what your son likes? Really? Not even a guess? You’re kidding!”

  14. monica says:

    OK – is there maybe something you should have discussed with groomeo?? :o) love the pics too…

  15. Jeni says:

    Loved the Russian essay thing -bad hair has a way of ruining lots of things that a shot of vodka can seem to cure. Around this house, you’d never get a clue as to what toy is liked by inspecting what you just stepped on cause these two have virtually every toy known to man strewn about somedays so no common thread there as to whether it is well liked or barely tolerated. The words “Clean up” don’t appear to be part of their vocabulary, or at least not the words they hear and will obey. ARRGH.
    Boy, lots of venom there geared toward Jodi Picoult. And me with everyone of her books in my bookcase. I never said I was a reader of fine literature -just love to read maybe. But seriously, which book did you pitch?

  16. NeedleDancer says:

    Oh my! I so love this post. I’ve lived this post (much to my dismay). My own beloved husband has called me to ask ME what he should get his daughter from a former marriage (yep, my step-daughter), who lives 2 hours away if you’re speeding, for her birthday or Christmas. Like I’d know? Like she calls ME on the phone?
    Of course, he also asks me that about the kids he lives with. SIGH. Then again, I always make him figure it out for himself, and he generally makes good choices in the end.

  17. Diesel says:

    Ugh, what a tool.

    If you really wrote this in your paper:

    Ineluctably, Russians use vodka to cope with the reality of pervasively bad hair, which ranges from scraggly beards to horrific dye-jobs.

    …then you’re my HERO.

    So what’s this about you having trouble finding my site?

  18. Kylie w Warszawie says:

    Okay, I just have to say that if I had been your Russian lit teacher, I totally would have given you the highest “A” ever.

    And now I’m going to ramble a bit…

    Poles DO NOT like Russians. Apparently there’s some history there. Someone took over or something. I’m not real clear.

    Anyway, one of the mums from Piglet’s (6) class is Russian. We were at a party yesterday at a playplace yesterday and she walked up to the place and spoke Polish to them. REALLY GOOD POLISH. Because Russians can speak Polish, it’s a damn slavic language and all. The woman at the counter, a Pole, turned to her and spoke in ENGLISH. My eyes widened. It was all, “Boom, Roasted.” And while I am not a huge fan of the Russian woman in question, I was deeply insulted for her.

  19. Pearl says:

    1. Jodi Picoult is not much of a writer, really. Dull, dull, dull.
    2. I’ve met that father, and I’ve hated him.

    Pearl

  20. actonbell says:

    Ugh. Poor Sony.

    And I agree about Jodi Picoult-I read My Sister’s Keeper and thought it thinly written with a cop-out ending. So much GOOD stuff has trouble being published…

  21. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    Oh, gawd. Let’s hope Mom has some influence and Sonny doesn’t end up acting like Daddy Douchenozzle. Of course, she bred with him so don’t count on it.

    If it’s any consolation, Jodi Picault books, of which there are many, are ALWAYS in the .50 bin at the Friends of the Library bookstore. I bought one once but couldn’t get into it. I think she’s a poor(er) man’s Danielle Steele, (who owns a mansion with its own security force patrolling the perimeters in SF.) The success of such “authoresses” 🙂 is a sad commentary on American literacy levels.

  22. rak says:

    I found this perfect moment in time to sit upon my bum and read this story…and it must be said that I LOVE your stories…and I’m a happier woman because of it! Thank you for teaching me my new favorite word…DANDLE 🙂

  23. Glamourpuss says:

    Wow. You could be English.

    Puss

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