I Can’t Even Look at These Photos Without Needing to Roll My Body in Pancake Batter and Flip Myself into the Non-Existent Arms of the Badly-Combed-Over, Green-Suited Fisher-Price Man Who Worked Changing the Stoplight From Red to Green in the Toy Village of My Youth

To summarize that title: for me, much of the zest of life is tied up in food and toys. If Buzz Lightyear could hobble up to me, holding a cob of corn dripping with butter, I’d take him to infinity–and beyond. If a Chatty Cathy doll could toss me a quesadilla, frisbee style, I’d pee myself. Or if a Lego dinosaur could stomp up and present me with a bowl of potato chips he’d crisped with his own breath, I’d call him Son and send him to camp.

You might, then, gather that I am a huge fan of Groom’s final portfolio project in his digital photography class this semester. Having to choose a “theme” around which to shoot ten photos…and not wanting to go cliched or cheesy…Groomy decided to make photos of “What They’re Up to When We’re Not Looking.”

The scope of that theme could have reached vast and wide, even into Mel Gibson’s underwear, but, wisely, His Groomitude remained tightly-focused and turned out the following ten Playmobil/food-based photos:

The Great Coffee Siphoning Caper

Strawberry Catapult

Cheerio Diver Surfacing

Scaling the Everest That Is Called, in My Language, “Banana Bread”

Give Me Pineapple, or Give Me Honeydew

Cracker Cabinet (I’m not showing the companion photo entitled “Honkey Ho-Ho’s”)

When You’re a Skeleton, Och, But The Cheese Goes Right Through You

Robert Falcon Scott’s Polar Expedition Could Have Benefited From Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Especially Right About the Time They Were All Penning Their Farewell Notes to Their Wives and Gnawing on Their Own Pinky Finger Bones

Underage, Under the Influence, and on the Counter


These photos encapsulate what I’ve always felt about my husband: it’s amazing that someone can see so clearly into my brain and my soul–places where beach balls are made of cream puffs; skateboards glide on crescent rolls; plastic horses deliver curry; and S & M Barbies work with licorice whips.

And, of course, Groom himself is both my plaything and a real dish.




25 responses to “I Can’t Even Look at These Photos Without Needing to Roll My Body in Pancake Batter and Flip Myself into the Non-Existent Arms of the Badly-Combed-Over, Green-Suited Fisher-Price Man Who Worked Changing the Stoplight From Red to Green in the Toy Village of My Youth”

  1. monica Avatar

    that is so good! Imagine being someones plaything, a dish AND totally creative!! Would really like to see the Honkey Ho Ho’s though :o))

  2. sid Avatar

    Dude those photos are frigging awesome. Your hubbie is sooooo creative.

  3. Star Avatar

    Hubby has quite the sense of humor. Between the two of you the kids may make careers of stand up comedy. Those are great photos. I always apprecate art when I can tell what it is. I am not a fan f the abstract.

  4. Jeni Avatar

    Now there’s some wild and wacky -but really good -creativity going on with “Groomeo.” I really do admire -greatly -anyone who can come up with things like this for a project like that! Yep! You two are a darned good match in the creativity department!

  5. Jazz Avatar

    I love how Groom’s mind works, yes I do…

  6. Kirsten Avatar

    I love those! I want Part 2!!

  7. Jamie Avatar

    Very clever and well done! I was smiling the whole time!

    I’ve been so inspired reading about him living out his creative dream and going back to art school. You Go, Groom!!

  8. ArtSparker Avatar

    Those are great – he should get an A.

  9. kmkat Avatar

    I love those. But will the class? They are playful, creative, and fun; don’t academic artsy folk prefer abstract, ironic, and unintelligible?

  10. Becky Cazares Avatar
    Becky Cazares

    I am totally impressed with the extent of your collection! Wow, things certainly have changed in the Fisher-Price world since my little brothers had theirs in the ’70s. I’ve never seen so many accessories! Guess I need to get out more. Geez.

    My favorite was the pirates at the honey-dew bowl, but the most creative award goes to the Under the Influence!

  11. chelle Avatar

    ok those are AWESOME!

  12. Anonymous Avatar

    Even though I attended that pretentious school of yours, I never obtained the ability to speak or provide feedback in the artsy sort of way so my comments on Groom’s work in the previous post would have been “uh..it kinda looks like you.” But these photos I like. And his creativity is incredible. Amazingly, we have none of these lego guys around the house but I find plastic toy animal thingys in all sorts of nooks and crannies and just wonder how they got there. Maybe I should start taking photos too! How fun.
    Julie B.

  13. Diesel Avatar

    Is that a scorpion on that cheese? Watch out, Mr. Skeleton!

  14. heartinsanfrancisco Avatar

    May I print this post out and frame it? It deserves to be embroidered in cross-stitch, but I'm lazy.

    The photos and the ideas behind them are fanmarveloustick, and the last sentence melts like a handful of M&M's on the tongue.

    I'm pretty sure I love you for the licorice whip wielding dominatrix Barbies alone.

  15. citizen of the world Avatar
    citizen of the world

    Oh my God! You actually made me laugh out loud, pre-coffee! Those are really great. Tell your guy I love them.

  16. phd in yogurtry Avatar
    phd in yogurtry

    love the cheerios diver!! and scaling mount banana bread! really creative. must have been fun coming up with all of those.

    I was, however, waiting for the more adventurous Dr. Strangelove’s Kong riding the, ya know, dildo.

  17. Midlife Jobhunter Avatar
    Midlife Jobhunter

    "S & M Barbies work with licorice whips"


    Incredibly clever. I'll have to share it with one of my "grown up" sons who still plays with Playmobile.

  18. lime Avatar

    ok, give me pineapple or give me honeydew sings to me. i love everything about it! and it cracks me up that i can see you reading the paper in the background.

    would it surprise you to know i had a brief foray into work as a lego porn producer?

    here’s the proof.

  19. ArtSparker Avatar

    Hello –

    Just linked you on my Tiny Theatre blog with the Cheerios Diver hope that is okay – let me know if not.

  20. Mariah Avatar

    Thos photos are fantastc, I’m digging the ice cream one

  21. actonbell Avatar

    LOL, great stuff!!

  22. Vic Avatar

    They DO have much better Lego people now – I’m so jealous.

    These pictures are wonderful!

  23. BrightenedBoy Avatar

    These are so funny. I think it’s nice to look at toys and food as some of the best things in life.

    A life without good food wouldn’t be a life at all.

  24. Jules Avatar

    That’s hysterical! I’m going out to buy some “people” today!

  25. Kylie w Warszawie Avatar
    Kylie w Warszawie

    First thing – I have that exact Ikea coffee press.

    And I love the photos!

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