Lots of Landmines; No Metal Detector: Part the Last

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19 Responses

  1. jess says:

    You got some good 'uns, J. Keep up the good work. Also, tell girl to read The Penderwicks, by Jeanne Birdsall.

  2. furiousBall says:

    it has snowed so much here, i'm calling myself an honorary Minnesotan… how many signatures do I need?

  3. diane says:

    If I tried the veggie/quarter thing, I'd have jars of coins all over the house.
    It's amazing what a pair of shoes can do. Did you know that it's a scientific fact that shopping releases happy chemicals in women that are the same as triggered by being in love?

  4. Jazz says:

    Shoes, my dear, are always good.

  5. Pam says:

    ..have been doing a bit of instrospection myself lately on examining our culture and finding it wanting, but from what I've read,I think you have great kids Jocelyn, very grounded and sensible. I've been known to partake of the bribery bait myself – I bribe my husband with chocolate so that he'll ring his mother and sister.

  6. Middle Aged Woman says:

    My favorite grading line ever was from a prof I loved in college. When someone would come sputtering to him, "Why did I get a "B"?" he would answer, "Because you did a really good job."

  7. secret agent woman says:

    On the one hand, kids should get good grades, do their chores and so on because it's right, nit because they get paid. But once they grow up, they expect to get paid to work. Don't you? I love what I do, but I sure have no interest in workign for free.

    (for the record, my kids don't get money for good grades, although we usually have an end-of-the school-year gift.)

  8. kmkat says:

    Another couple money-grades stories: my mother taught Head Start in the 1960s when it was still new and shiny. She found that bribing her students with a quarter worked wonders at getting them to do what they were supposed to do.

    I, on the other hand, brought home straight As 95%+ of the time but got no special reward for it; if I didn't get straight As my allowance was cut in half. Sheesh. (Not that it bothered me — doesn't everyone remember these things 45+ years later?)

  9. Jim Berg says:

    When I read about your dysfunctional family, I wonder how anyone in your house ever gets out of bed. Then, I remember Groom and Girl, and how they seem intrinsically motivated to keep you sane. Paco is the comic relief, obviously.

  10. Green Girl in Wisconsin says:

    You are working on a primer for parents, right? 'Cuz if you aren't? You should be.
    Learning is it's own reward–it's a privilege to get a free education–that's what we tell our kids at our house. (Actually, it's pretty easy not to give out rewards for grades when #1 has dyslexia and will struggle for Cs–sets the bar so low you can't even try to raise it!)

  11. lime says:

    i'm not gonna even deal with the ugg slippers because hey, we all become agents of tangling at some point and that seems relatively minor but sweet fancy moses….$100 for a good report card? $100?????? i can't even wrap my head around that. that kid is never going to have the slightest concept of what the value of a single dollar is at that rate. good lord.

  12. chelle says:

    Sweet I am not the only walking contradiction! Thank you for making me feel normal again!

    I never got paid for good grades. Heck I don't even think my parents asked to see my report card!

    We are to at grades here. Once we learn to tie our shoes I imagine I will have to fumble through something.

  13. Jenn @ Juggling Life says:

    I have never paid for grades, but I think occasionally rewarding a really good report card is a good thing.

    I've done some research on when/why extrinsic motivation works and it works best if it is spontaneous and not guaranteed. The slippers sound perfect–those are the exact ones my daughter and her friend live in.

  14. Jeni says:

    Well -back in my day (you know by now, the dark, dark ages) I never got paid for getting good grades. Granted, in high school, good grades for me were pretty much few and far in between. Not that they were horrid, just not that they made me a member of the school's honor roll which was where my Mom firmly believed I belonged. (Truth be told, she was right -I should have been there and I could have too most of the time if I'd done something called "WORK." But anyway, Mom never gave rewards for good grades even when I got 'em in elementary -mainly because she didn't believe in that but more so probably because she didn't have it to give either. And neither did I with my kids. An aunt of mine -school teacher too, no less -peeved me when she offered my kids $5.00 for each A they received. Okay, with my son, this was very cost effective to her, not the least bit inspiring to him apparently because I don't think he ever saw an A on his report cards. Maybe in English once or twice. The girls had a bit more potential but even they operated a lot -in high school -like their mother before them -procrastinate and do as little as possible!
    But based on your daughter's reaction to the whole thing, I do believe she gets it -completely! And will do things simply because "it is the right thing to do!" And ya know, I'd be willing to bet that in the future, you'll see a little of that message coming back to you from the master negotiator in the family as well! Job well done, my dear!

  15. Michelle Wells Grant says:

    Me thinks those young 'uns of yours are as smart as you are! I say you're doing a mighty fine job with them and you must be proud, proud, PROUD! Carry on. It's the right thing to do.

  16. ds says:

    Well done! Keep going! Nasty are the shoals of World, but your little boat is strong and true, and the crew is working hard, learning the ropes. They'll be skippers of their own boats someday, and good ones!

  17. Michelle Wells Grant says:

    I see that Angle of Repose is one of your favorite books. Me too! Wallace Stegner is the best ever. Have read everything! Big Rock Candy Mountain probably at the very top of my list but Angle of Repose is right there too. So not only are we both waffling dieters, we both love W.S. Imagine that!

  18. kelly says:

    I struggle with this reward system. Especially for my son, who was just diagnosed on the Spectrum. I do not want them to grow up to be children that expect gold at the end of every accomplishment. I guess I just wonder where the line is.

  19. Patois says:

    We've never held out a reward for a good report card. Do not take that to mean that we don't regularly bribe our children on many, many things. And I'm often out far more than a quarter for getting someone tofortheloveofGodtrythis.

    But, still, we've not enticed good grades with promises of rewards. We have, however, celebrated good grades with dinner out. (Thankfully, for all of us, all three kids do remarkably well, so they all get to eat. And get ice cream! Without anyone fortheloveofGodtryingthis.

    Love you. Love your kids. Love your writing beyond belief.

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