Guatemala human sacrifices open sores travel volcanoes

More Centrally American

“More Centrally American”

This may be my last post for a couple of weeks, for Groom and I, some months back, bolstered by a few shots of whiskey slammed down during a State of the Union address (by the end, we were channeling David Byrne, chopping on our arms, and slurring, “This is not our beautiful country”), decided to take Wee Niblet and Girl to



*Guatemala* for two weeks.

Really, what better place to let The Kiddles have their first international adventures (not counting Thunder Bay) than a country recovering from a civil war? If they’re going to make it in this world, they need to know early and young that good coffee comes from countries where indigenous people have been “disappeared” through guerilla warfare.

We haven’t even been teaching them any helpful Spanish or Mayan phrases but instead have been honing their pronunciation of a single French term: “coup d’etat.”

Last weekend, for further preparation, we took them to see Mel “I hate Jews, but only when I’m drunk” Gibson’s APOCOLYPTO. There’s nothing sweeter than hearing my three-year-old son’s voice, piping up in the darkness: “Mommy, what’s a human sacrifice? Is that like the time I lost my Martian Manhunter action figure?”

All right, so actually we’re planning a rather-benign family vacation to visit my sister, who teaches at an “American-style” Guatemalan school in Guat City (“So, as long as we’re reading Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse, would anyone like fries with that?”). We’ll travel to a waterpark, a volcanic lake, and the town where my sister gets her eyelashes tinted. I predict, as well, that many a local market will benefit from our desire for gorgeous, colorful fabrics and folkart.

Along the way, I’m sure I’ll take a header into some lava or mangle my Spanish attempts and end up asking a waitress for “more green knuckles in my shoehorn”; in short, when I get back, you can be assured of a few new Jocelyn As Traveler Dork tales.

(Them ain’t puffs of smoke coming out of those volcanoes; them is word balloons in which Jocelyn is screeching “YEEEEOOOWWW, but lava stings my suppurating sores!”).

If you care to share, click a square:



By Jocelyn

There's this game put out by the American Girl company called "300 Wishes"--I really like playing it because then I get to marvel, "Wow, it's like I'm a real live American girl who has 300 wishes, and that doesn't suck, especially compared to being a dead one with none."

11 replies on “More Centrally American”

My parents went to visit my brother and sister in law when they were living in Brazil, after the birth of my neice. Mom, being helpful, went to the local bakery to buy two loaves of bread. Holding up her hands to demonstrate she wanted them each to be about 2 ft long. Only she didn’t realize that the word for bread and penis were so very close. She couldn’t understand why the bakery workers were laughing so hard.

Have a wonderful trip. I hear they make fabulous camo gear and My Little Pony nightvision goggles these days..

I was in Buford, GA for Christmas, which if you ignore the Home Depot directly across from the Lowe’s it’s exactly like a third world country but less cultured.

Wow, sounds like a great trip. The closest I get to S.America is the
grocery store across from where I work.
Be safe & have fun.

Thanks for the good wishes, and I´m not even writing to see if anyone can send ransom money. We´ve stayed safe thus far, despite taking the unthinkable step of letting our children ride in vehicles without being strapped in. It´s amazing how very quickly all that stuff falls away. If Baby isn´t vomiting and dehydrated, hell yes, he can have another wild ride over cobblestone streets on the Tuk-Tuks (local mini taxis that are basically three-wheeled motorcycles). What´s a little whiplash to a developing brain… More soon…I leave you now at nightfall in the lovely town of Antigua!

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