Category: college

  • Heal


    What I want is to tuck myself under the duvet and stay there, head covered, for four years. I don’t want to get dressed; I don’t want to leave the house; I don’t want to go to work; I don’t know where to find the performance energy; I don’t know how I’ll paste a smile […]

  • While I Still Don’t Look Like A Model, I Am Closing in on Hairy Old Grandma

    A group of girls–some of them my “best friends”–wrote this note and gave it to me in junior high. As much as the words still make my stomach hurt (do we ever lose touch with our 11-year-old selves?), and as much as I fall to my knees and thank the sky gods for the fact […]

  • Deep Tissue, Deeply Discounted

    I could have taken my experiences at cosmetology school and washed that cheapitude right out of my hair. Hell no. One of my greatest hallmarks is the refusal to take a lesson, even when it’s slapped onto my head and speared with swords. In the case of my follicular thriftiness, I could have learned that […]

  • Arc of Some Skivers

    In the fall of 1985, my mom dropped me off near the little town in Minnesota where I would be starting college. Fortunately, my aunt and uncle lived at the spot where she stopped the car, so it wasn’t like I was left trying to hitch a ride to campus or anything. Mom had a […]

  • That Michelangelo: Some Sort of Mutant Turtle, Right?

    I have profound deficiencies in my knowledge of art. Sure, I recognize dogs playing poker when I see them, but beyond that, my high-priced liberal arts education is artistically pockmarked. Certainly, I can enjoy the shadows of Rembrandt. I groove on the dribs and drabs of Pollock. I’ve even heard of that DaVinci dude (it […]

  • Time After Time

    I’m currently the bologna in a Colorado sandwich. I’m aware makes no sense, so don’t scrutinize it too closely. Cutting through my nonsense, what I’m saying is that I’m currently in Minnesota, having recently come back from a kamikaze weekend in Colorado. And tomorrow, the family and I are taking off for, you guessed it, […]