Deep Tissue, Deeply Discounted

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21 Responses

  1. citizen of the world says:

    Judging by that little melt-down at the end, I’m going to take a pass on the massage/haircut deal!

  2. flutter says:

    Dude. Come to my house, I will rub you for free AND cook you dinner.

    In a wig.

    and heels.

    and singing jazz.

    wait, all of this sounded sexual and it totally isn’t. but now I sound like I am protesting too much. I’m not!

    Oh, hell.

  3. lime says:

    yes please!

    *waves her $5 bill like a recently divorced woman at a chippendales revue*

    what’s not to love about the combination of obtaining an indulgence in a thrifty manner. you ARE my psychic sister.

  4. Shania says:

    I’ll be the Ralph to your Potsy. I’ll totally splurge for both of us because I never deny myself anything (which is maybe why I’m broke?)

  5. cathy says:

    Hair, I dye my own hair and sometimes miss a bit. As for massage – one of my students,an eight year old boy, has a vibrating toy frog that he sometimes tickles my neck with and it doesn’t cost me a penny!
    Bargain is my middle name.

  6. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    I’m picturing Picasso’s blue period, a Civil War hospital ward or maybe something from the Marquis de Sade.

    I studied massage therapy a long time ago but never intended to do it professionally. It’s lucky they have heated tables, though – isn’t it already deep winter in Minnesota? (Ooof-dah.)

  7. Kylie w Warszawie says:

    Heck, I’m so cheap I don’t even GET massages.

    Actually, I’ve had exactly one in my lifetime and while it was okay, I don’t like being naked in front of people (other than my husband, ob/gyn, and a few hundred neighbors that can see my bedroom from their houses) and I had just had a baby 4 months before and she touched my jiggly belly and made a comment. That was the end of massages for me.

  8. choochoo says:

    now I feel like such a sucker for having my hair fixed at the salon. lol. And I’ll prolly do it again, too, cause I don’t take lessons either.

  9. Jazz says:

    I’m thinking I’ll stick with the $60/hour massages. Yup. Somehow yours wouldn’t quite do it for me.

  10. furiousBall says:

    i’ve had DTM recommended to me several times for my back issues as well as my carpal tunnel/tendinitis issues in my forearms. i’m hoping my holding out will build up a tolerance to the pain and i will overcome

  11. Franki says:

    The first part of this post made me feel like I was riding a rollercoaster drunk, the middle part had me cringing bc I have issues with strangers touching me, much less in a crowded room of others being touched by strangers, unless I am drunk, of course, which I am not, even though I felt like it just a moment ago on that rollercoaster, bc it’s not even noon here missy, but then the end made me all warm and comfortable again as I realized this whole post was about drunk judging and that I can manage.

  12. Shieldmaiden96 says:

    I’ve only ever had one massage, it was seventy-five dollars, and it was a gift from my mom on my 36th birthday. I climbed the stairs, disrobed in a Victorian-themed massage room, and from the second the masseuse put her hands on me I knew what all the fuss was about. I gave her a $20 tip and stopped just short of giving her a hug, then stumbled blissfully into the sunshine and had lunch somewhere. I don’t even remember where. If there was a drug that gave you that post massage feeling I’d so be addicted to it.

  13. Amy says:

    Once, on a young and inebriated trip to Thailand, I signed up for a massage in a thai massage house on a island made famous for lunar drug addled shenanagens (spelling?) and after about 5 minutes, two bottles of oil and three bottomless Israeli tourist girls it became slowly clear to me….wait a minute….this isn’t a massage parlor…this is….oh good god.

    I was certain I’d have abnormal pap smears for years after that from the bathrobes alone.

  14. Glamourpuss says:

    I will never look at wallpaper paste the same way.

    And surely you mean jizz hands…


  15. jess says:

    My sister’s a massage therapist and boy did I enjoy helping her practice while she was in school. Rudely, she moved to the UK and is now no good to me at all when it comes to massages.

    You maybe make me laugh more than anyone else on the intarwebs. Plus I’ve always wanted to visit Montana (um, I don’t know, but I think it has something to do with Norman Maclean) so I propose I show up at your place, some random Friday night with a pan full of marscapone brownies and my sleeping bag and I’ll bring Flutter and she can sing jazz (after she eats her share of brownies) and give us massages.

    I’d offer to me the masseuse, but you know, I’m so decrepit, what with my rheumatoid arthritis, and my weakness of character….

  16. jess says:

    Um, I meant “BE” the masseuse. OBviously.

  17. chelle says:

    hahahaha …. I say no to the massage although I am always letting them whack my hair!

  18. Teresa says:

    I’ve gotten a pedicure from the community college in my neighborhood. It took twice as long as it needed too and the ambiance was none too cool either. There was lots of gossip going on between the clinicians and I really wasn’t interested in what the girl in the trailer down the road thought of her manicure instructor. I think I’ll pass on the massage.

  19. Anette says:

    I love this story! Especially the jazz hands from point 5! You know how describe situations so vivid, that I’m sure I must have been in one of the cubicals next to you!

  20. Princess Pointful says:

    I feel my shoulder knots calling out, beginning with that photo. I need back rubs so very badly.

  21. pistols at dawn says:

    At least you can pay others to touch you. I’m sure it’d be lovely, but I just can’t bring myself to get a massage, not even the type where for an extra Jackson, some old Asian lady would ensure a happy ending.

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