Doohickeys Are My Cosmo

25 Responses

  1. ds says:

    HA! Thy wit shall know no bounds, and it is good to know also that it is not bound by stuff.

  2. chlost says:

    It is only after a dearth of such stuffs may one be fully able to appreciate all realms of benefits emanating from said stuff.
    Or something like that. Glad to have you back, Jocelyn, with or without a bra.

  3. Jess says:

    You are wacky in all the best of possible ways. Does food count as stuff? Because cookies make me happy. And- no kidding- I once read a serious philosophical treatise called, Shows About Nothing: Nihilism in Popular Culture from the Exorcist to Seinfeld. It was by a college professor too. Do you know him?

  4. Meg says:

    “She bromided” may in fact perfectly sum up what I like so much about reading your blog. I’ve never been a shop-a-holic, but by golly, just strolling the aisles of Target and fondling the wares is a guaranteed mood-lifter. We’ve been debating the purchase of a trampoline and thought we had missed the window as our seed are 4th and 6th grades, but it appears Santa now has his marching orders. Yippe! I can practice my herkie!

    • Jocelyn says:

      Hey, Meg: Have I told you lately that I love you? If not, count this.

      So we shopped around for the trampolines (and necessary enclosures) online quite a bit before discovering that Sam’s Club sells a really good quality, big (15-foot) trampoline for half the price we were considering with online purchases. Do you have Sam’s Club…or Costco? It’s worth going there to make the purchase. If you don’t, come to Duluth, and we’ll march you into Sam’s Club, claiming you’re our daughter, to make the buy.

      • Meg says:

        (Blushing) Why thank you! The sentiment is vigorously returned.

        We have both Sam’s Club and Costco in these parts, so I’m golden! Merci beaucoup!

        Oh, I forgot to ask – are your Turkish friends safe following the earthquake? My knowledge of Turkish geography is a bit shaky so I wasn’t sure how close Cappadocia is to the quake locale. (I realize that pun is in bad taste, hope I didn’t offend.)

  5. Boots are good. And I only discovered that a few years ago.

    I’m also a recent convert to ereaders.

  6. I think the key is that stuff is good if on it’s on top of the most important things in life–and you recognize which is which.

  7. Logo™ says:

    I’m in a subjunctive frame of mind now, and feeling like I need another pair of boots,
    how did that happen?

  8. Deborah says:

    Thank you, Jocelyn, for having given me what I was searching for all the way through this, this…never mind what to call it. It’s not just a Post, nor an Essay, in fact it reminds me of what you see when you squish your face up against a porthole in the London Aquarium – a whole weird and fascinating world that you can never be part of but absolutely love to observe.
    But ‘amusement park’ is just the right description for what goes on inside your head, although to leave it at that is to do your cleverness a disservice. It’s more like an M.C. Escher drawing – complex, unexpected, rational in an impossible sort of way, and funny. Of course. That’s a given.
    (Clearly everybody who came here is flat on their backs, winded, after such a romp.)
    I was sensitized a few years back to the fact that merely wandering through Walmart kitchen & bath stimulated my pleasure receptors and it was then that I realized that no matter what my higher brain might admire about Buddhism, I will never be able to pull off Zen. Stuff is too enjoyable to give up entirely. So you go ahead and have fun with yours and don’t hesitate to acquire more if it means such entertainment for us.

  9. Friko says:

    Sorry, I’ve got to come back later, after I’ve caught my breath.

  10. My daughters, especially the older one, would agree completely with your theory about boots and never having too many of ’em. (Come to think of it, the granddaughter at age 8, may possibly be related to you in that respect too! She passes many an hour online, “shopping” for new Sketchers!) I, on the other hand, firmly believe if your shoe/boot collection is so vast that you have to store them under your mobile home, then you have reached your limit! Now, as to the bulb-eating deer -if you figure out any way to outsmart those animals, please share that knowledge with me! This past gardening season was the first time I have ever encountered deer coming in to my garden and munching down my green beans -not once, but twice -and yet, with some stringing of chicken wire and a few strategically placed cinder blocks, we managed to provide enough protection of the beans plants that they regrew the top layer of leaves -yes, twice -and kept producing more and more beans long after I thought their reproduction season was done! Simply means, I froze a hell of a lot of packets of green beans so we won’t starve over the winter!
    Anyway -bottom line is I loved your little ode to consumerism! Obama should use you and our theories as a guide to improving the economy. Buy Now! Save the world! Oh, that’s from Kurtis who is now heavy-duty engrossed in some superhero who, with Kurtis in tow, is going to “save the world!” Peace.

  11. lime says:

    hhmm, i read this while not wearing a bra so i hope that helps make up for my decided lack of boots. all i have are a pair of hikers and a pair for snow. my stuff obsession leans more toward the sandal end of the footwear spectrum.

    and i think the fedora wearing guilt monster should be kept well at bay by the ultimate joy you get in knowing that though the stuff is fun and all and does give pleasure the people are what will matter even when stuff is lost, broken or crammed into the throat of a petulant child. btw, the really sick part of me wants you to document that process with the new bloggie camera. ok, i’ll be leaving now.

  12. Green Girl in Wisconsin says:

    That’s good stuff.
    I need to confess that the smell of Corn Nuts makes me want to punch someone, too.
    That said, I totally get how austerity can lead to pure pleasure in gobs of wonderful new things. Especially boots.
    And I’m glad to know you haven’t been frittering away your time when you’re not writing post for this blog.

  13. Jazz says:

    All my recent toys have been electronic. Love my Kindle, love my iPad, don’t love the cell phone, but that’s because it’s not an e-reader I suppose.

    I’m actually trying to rationalize buying a Kobo, since there are books I’ve tried to get on Kindle that aren’t available here in Canada… and my sister has no problem getting them on her Kobo. Never mind that I can get them through the Kobo app on the iPad, it’s just not the same.

    And boots are good indeed.

    And I’m so happy you’re blogging again.

  14. Friko says:

    okay, i’m back. Your essay shocked me to the soles of my feet, I had to go and receive succour in the form of cranial osteopathy. (starting with the head and ending at said soles of feet).

    Loved Seinfeld, thanks for the reminder. Kramer stuff? More than that, surely, stuff is just that, stuff as in stuff and nonsense. As for amassing stuff, I find it just a touch obscene to do so now, when stuff is costing us the earth. I have a feeling that your guilt-free shopping spree is maybe not quite the abandoned flourish of credit card backed greed trip you make it sound. Did I see ‘exaggeration’ mentioned somewhere?

    I absolutely adore your story telling ability, your splendid inventiveness with the English language and your unashamed playfulness when using it. And I am absolutely, full marks, slap on the back, high-fiving, on your side when it comes to correct grammar. As a non native English speaker I hate what laziness and slap-dashery are doing to a very adequate little language, which allowed Shakespeare to say an awful lot in an awful lot of words, yet managed to keep my attention for, oh, whole hours at a time.

    Everybody else commenting here is hooked on your boots and stuff: how shallow some bloggers are. Not me.

    I nearly forgot to say that I know all about first flutes, (their designation in English orchestras), they always want to be centre stage!

    bloviated? bromiding?

  15. Friko says:

    Sorry, me again.

    I’ve been having supper and all the time I was thinking that the first part of my comment sounds really admonitory, finger-waggingly earnest. If you had sat opposite me, with a plate of egg and ham and potato cakes and fried tomatoes of your own – not forgetting a very nice glass of Sauvignon blanc to wash it down – you’d know that I may come across as a prig here but that I’m really a pussy cat, my default mechanism is irony.

    But I mean what I said about flute players, particularly first flutes.

    • Jocelyn says:

      I’m enjoying all your comments terrifically, Friko, and it’s okay to point out that my rampage through stuff isn’t exactly kind to the planet. True! The truth remains, despite my intellectual understanding of the harm of “things,” that I am superficial enough in equal measure to get crazily excited about a new pair of pants. If I’m happy to admit I make no sense and am often not the best self I could be, does that buy me any wiggle room? But–HAHA!–I also can’t seem to feel guilty about the reality of my love of stuff.

      Anyhow, eggs and wine with you, just to find out what a pussycat you really are? Count me in.

  16. Friko says:

    Come on over, eggs and wine on Tuesdays.

    As for stuff: of course, I buy stuff. Books mainly. And wine. I’m too old to want to buy a lot of gadgets, I already have most of them. No kids at home now, either. I may have to go out and buy a new pair of pants though, I’ve put on more inches round the bottom and thighs than I can comfortably accommodate in the old pair. It’s all those eggs and wine.

  17. kmkat says:

    Toys are fun, no two ways about it, whether the toy owner is 5 or 65. Mine own faves are the iPod, the computer, the Nook, the camera, not to mention the new printer/scanner DH bought me for ou anniversary (is TOO a romantic gift) and a number of kitchen tools. I feel my boot collection — if you can call one pair a collection — is sadly lacking, however, and requires some attention and outlay of credit card.

    One thing I admire (all too rarely) in a writer is proper use of the subjunctive. Knew I could count on you, though 😉

    Oh, and did you know you could have a nice little trailer for your bike? Do a google image search for “bicycle trailer Rubbermaid”. If Groomeo can build you a couch, he can easily put together a little trailer to haul those bags of groceries. Tell him it’s a safety thing.

  18. Monica says:

    Ah, Jocelyn, I think I love you! You inspire me with your humour and intruiging English language.. and you also give my an overseas kick-in-the-bum for going out excercising some more…

  19. kirsten says:

    you wear those kickassboots and that fantasticgeoskirt well…i have to say it yet again…it is so good to have you home…to know you are just up the road…oh and love I the read pal!

  20. Robin says:

    Love the way your brain works. It is not altogether unfamiliar to me, though you are clearly in a realm of your own.

  21. THANK YOU for addressing the “somebody and me” vs “somebody and I” dilemma which most people solve wrong, engendering in me the same acute discomfort as fingernails on a blackboard, but tinged with contempt.

    I also find kilims comforting, although I’ve never been to Turkey. Material goods definitely have their place if one is not a cloistered monk and I think that if God did not want us to enjoy such earthly delights, She would not have invented them.

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