Her Body, Her Self

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15 Responses

  1. Bijoux says:

    So incredibly sad. I do wonder about the correlation between childhood sexual abuse and homosexuality, at least for some. I’m glad she has a friend in you.

  2. I have heard versions of this story so many times–it’s always so sad. And yes, the world is populated with ignorant judgers who ought just myob.

  3. ds says:

    Oh, your sad, beautiful, brave, strong friend. (Why is it that I can’t quite believe in the “good” grandma, even though I understand Jayne’s need for her to have been that? oh, the complexity of the human psyche)

  4. vagabonde says:

    What a terribly sad story. She had so many years of pain – I wonder if it got better and will look forward to part II. I am sending you an email on an unrelated subject.

  5. sharyl strong says:

    Such an arduous journey….it is appalling, how many children’s lives are forever marred by such hideous abuse. You are an amazing friend to have.

  6. sweffling says:

    So hard to know what to say in the face of such pain. The fact that she is still alive, at least at the end of part I, and has such friends as you, speaks volumes for her character and fortitude. I do hope for a happy ending but am not sanguine.

  7. Friko says:

    I read and felt the pain.

  8. Meg says:

    Taking ownership of one’s own body, loving it and caring for it as the treasure that it is are a complicated business for women, particularly. There are so many obstacles and your beloved friend has endured and survived a whole passel of them. I get so angry at the multiple ways we fail our children: what we don’t see right in front of us, how we don’t support and accept them; how we don’t protect them. So many adults failed her.

    I am rooting for Jayne and looking forward to the next chapter. I have a sneaking hunch there is a happy-ish ending to her story.

  9. Maria says:

    What a good listener you have been to her. That was my first thought. My second was that out of all the women that I know, am friends with, only a tiny handful have not been sexually molested at some point in their lives. Maybe it was just one time, at one party. Maybe it was, like your friend, over and over again. It happened to me once too, by a priest. This makes me so sad. We are such beautiful women with such potential and yet, in this day and age, the majority of us have still been molested at one time or another. I like Jayne very much already. Thank you for sharing her with us.

  10. I read this post the other day and couldn’t comment. My feedback would have been shallow, very unlike me. If I like a post I want to leave a long-lasting comment, both out of respect for the writer and for the subject.

    Jayne is a lucky woman to have you as a friend. Needless to say I have met people in the same situation as Jayne (abuse and weight gain) and the signs are usually the same: discomfort with their bodies, unstable relationships, feelings of guilt. You’re right, weight is not a physical issue but a mental, psychological, emotional one. Over here in the UK they’re beginning to realise that.

    I look forward to part 2, although that makes me sound like a voyeur who gets off on other people’s misfortunes. No, it’s just the way you tell your stories. Thanks.

    Greetings from London.

  11. lime says:

    so much heartbreak so young. so sad.

  12. I have long suspected the frequent correlation between early sexual abuse and becoming overweight, not because growing larger than the abuser would allow one to stop being overpowered, but because instinctively, such girls feel safer protected by layers of fat. There is no question that such experiences damage self esteem in every way and make it impossible to achieve on a level appropriate to ones abilities. It’s horribly sad and brutally unfair. I hope Jayne finds her strongest center and a true and lasting happiness sooner rather than later.

  13. chlost says:

    This is a story that I see from both sides every day. I cannot tell you how many teenage sex offenders I represent. In a large percentage of cases, they were abused themselves as young children. The amount of incest that I see in this very small county is mind-boggling. On the other side, I represent many young women who are struggling as a result of sexual, emotional or physical abuse. They find themselves in very bad relationships, criminal activity, drug and alcohol abuse, early pregnancy, and other self-harming behaviors. Our society doesn’t seem able to acknowledge these behaviors as being the result of bad things done to those kids. We just label them bad kids, lock them up and expect them to magically help themselves. It is a pet peeve of mine, in case you can’t tell from this rant. Thank you for posting Jayne’s story. I hope that the next chapter of her life is her recovery from her past abuse.

  14. Jess says:

    I love your heart.

  15. I’m glad you are sharing Jayne’s story. I relate to so much of it. I had a beloved Grandma, too, Jayne, and a not so beloved step-Grandfather. It changes a life, once it hits you. You probably know what I mean. The brain, it is weird. Oh God. I sound like Yoda now. And I’m having a hot flash.

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