Midsummer Litany of Complaints

14 Responses

  1. Lil says:

    I can’t do anything about the heat rash, but I know how to get rid of fruit flies.

    Take a bowl, pour some wine vinegar or balsamic in the bottom. Add a skinless piece of fruit. Cover the bowl tightly with plastic wrap. Poke tiny holes into the wrap. They will find their way in and not be able to get back out (if your holes are small enough, obviously). Never tried it, but I was told it works like a charm.

    • Jocelyn says:

      Thanks for the tip. We do a fruit fly trap with an empty peanut butter jar covered by a coffee filter with a rubber band holding it on. Then we slice bananas, and the flies swarm in. After enough accumulate, we stick the whole thing in the freezer and kill ’em. However, despite this clever trap, there are always random ones flying around, finding my wine.

  2. Chantal says:

    I started boot camp 3 weeks ago and after the first class I had a very hard time when I would sit on the loo. I managed to rip the towel bar out of the wall as I tried to use it as support to leverage my sore butt muscles onto the throne. My boot camp instructor tried to get me to do Burpies with a bosu ball, the man is insane.

  3. Pearl says:

    It’s hard to complain, here in the land of four distinct seasons, but Lord knows we give it the ol’ college try…

    Sending cool, talcum-ed vibes,

    Pearl

  4. chlost says:

    Ahhhh-summer! The time of which January dreams are made!
    Why is it those dreams do not include the mosquitoes, gnats, fruit flies, heat rash, and gallons of sweat that are such an integral part of the true summer experience? My glass of home brew (made by our son) is raised to you whilst a tear slowly makes its way down my cheek. Your pain is mine.

  5. Fruit flies, heat rash, sore muscles and joints and lots of other complaints I can sure commiserate with you on all those things. However, the point in your post I want to call attention to is the comment about your plans for a 3-week vacation to the east coast! Now tell me, my dear friend, just where on the east coast will you be heading to and any possibility you’ll be traveling across I-80 in Pennsylvania? If so, feel free to let me know in advance and stop by to have a quick visit and meet the other slightly off-kilter members of my household! (I’ll provide you with my phone number and easy-to-follow-and-find directions too!) And now, back to polishing off my third Yuengling now in an effort to cool off after a really hot, very humid, also very stormy day here today and tonight! Peace.

  6. geewits says:

    As for fruit flies: never have bananas. That’s the only time I see them so I therefore they must actually emanate from bananas.
    My husband does the same thing with the camoulflage. I have camoulflage housepants that I wear in the winter and he makes a big deal about not being able to see my legs. (Ha! Speaking of bananas!)
    Okay, I’m stumped here. I don’t get the doing the hostile pilates and also eating ice cream. That doesn’t make a lick (get it?) of sense to me. Seems to me if you cut out the one, you wouldn’t need the other. I’ll never understand women and their ice cream. Or ice cream. It’s like a clump of cold fat.
    I love that picture of you in the water. That’s a Movie Star shot. Did your husband take it?

  7. Jess says:

    You make me giggle. Sorely needed around here, giggles are these days (-Yoda). If you go to the east coast while I’m not there I might cry. Ekspechially because I so desperately want to be there myself. Modesto is starting to feel like a prison camp. I’m afraid we’ll neeeeevvveeerrr escape!!!!

  8. Choochoo says:

    I was going to say something supportive about humidity, but then I read Jazz’s fruit fly comment and flew into the kitchen, only to realize that we don’t have any fruit. Then I did a little shriek. Now I’ve completely forgotten what I was going to say.

  9. I have just finished ridding our house using the apple cider vinegar with a couple of drops of dishsoap on the top. Of course, all fruit is stored in the fridge or the garage and I wash my pineapples in the outside sink before I bring it in to cut it up.

    I have recently gone back to Pilates and I can totally relate to the screaming abs.

    It sounds like the kind of summer you will look back it with fondness years from now.

  10. Dawn@LightenUp! says:

    ” THE COMPLETE LACK OF FOREARM IN YOUR LIFE IS THE SADDEST STORY EVER TOLD!”
    HahahaHAAAA.
    Jocelyn, you crack me up. Truly. Funny. Stuff.
    See how supportive I am in my first comment ever on your blog? 😉

  11. lime says:

    you dislike squeegying sweat and yet you still have plans to come east. i can’t wait for the updated litany of complaints because we’ve been swimming in sweat this summer. and for the life of me i dunno how we can have so little rain and yet be so dang humid.

  12. lime says:

    and the picture of the bosu ball alone made me weep softly into me couch pillows.

  13. Meg says:

    I sing a dirge for you, Jocelyn: The nettles, the heat rash, the screaming tuchus, the fruit flies. It’s really too much for one woman to bear. The only cure I know of involves liberal application of baby cornstarch powder followed by a generous ingestion of ice-cold beverages. Seems you have figured out that last one. I am experiencing a new sensation: the effect of high altitude and desert dry air on my sinuses. However, my rule for this trip is “no whining on the yacht,” so I shall not complain. “Don’t cry for me, Argentiiiiiiiiinaaaa…..”

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