Of Tesbih and Testes: Then It Got Personal

23 Responses

  1. Wow! You’ve nearly left me speechless. That’s quite a story. I’ve met a couple of Turkish men and,yes, you’ve painted a pretty accurate picture of their attitudes towards women, although I’m sure there must be a few out there that aren’t such male chauvinists. I’m sorry to hear about everything Jessica has gone through, but she certainly sounds capable of setting things right and moving on. Will we be getting a follow up? We need to hear how it all ends.

  2. Monica says:

    somehow one would like to say – it can’t be just because they are Turkish… they were just… not so good a choice of men… Pour Jessica, what a struggle.. hope there is a happy ending there somewhere..

    and what about the damn Mehmet story? any results there? did he get his well earned punishment?

    • Jocelyn says:

      I agree completely about it not being a case of Turkishness here, with Jessica’s men, indeed.

      Vicky and Mr P had another court date in July (right about when we were leaving Turkey), so I need to catch up with her on how things turned out. Will post some resolution to that anon!

  3. Meredith says:

    Your description is so vivid, and we’ve all had girlfriends (or ourselves) who’ve had rocky situations. I can only imagine this poor woman going from one extreme to the other with men, not so much because they are Turkish, but rather because the first offered security, and the second offered family and a safer security. I hope for the best for Jessica.

  4. Pearl says:

    Well told, Joce.

    And I can now check “Turkish men” off my list of things to do. 🙂 I have absolutely no patience for these kinds of shenanigans!


  5. Lil says:

    Great post. As usual. Jessica sounds like an amazing person. I don’t know her story, really, but I can’t help but wonder… three times?

    Like Pearl, I would have absolutely no patience for this stuff. I couldn’t imagine doing it again after the first time.

  6. Robin says:

    Amazing story, though I certainly hope the trail of tears has finally come to an end for Jessica. I can’t imagine how she made it through all of that.

  7. Liv says:

    Love. It’s so good. Missed you!

  8. Choochoo says:

    Holy cricket! Now there’s a movie I’d pay to watch 😀

  9. Green Girl in Wisconsin says:

    I cannot fathom the emotional toll of all of this. How does she stay there?
    I think I’d give Turkey the boot for good after 3 strikes.

  10. Wowza. Sometimes people get locked into a cycle of trying to get it right – same story, wnd only the names change as they go.

  11. ds says:

    Oh, poor Jessica! Oh, you told this well! Oh, I hope she and her children get out of Turkey before there are any more complicated twists to her overly-complicated life.

  12. chlost says:

    This is definitely not a story based on cultural clashes. I see women like this almost every day. Some never extricate themselves, and many just jump into another situation which is worse than the last. Great story telling. Too bad it is non-fiction.

  13. I hope she figures out what she and her kids need out of life and a way to get it–this ongoing drama sounds really painful.

  14. Friko says:

    I am not reading any of the other comments until I’ve made mine.

    “Jessica is no fool”. You are kidding me, right?
    Once, fair enough; anybody can make a mistake.

    Twice, hmm, already a bit dodgy; are you sure you know what you’re doing, girlfriend?

    Three times? What is WRONG with you? Do you have a death wish?

    I daren’t tell you or anyone else of my own experience; this much I can though:
    right, so just one more chance.
    ok, then, just another, just once more, because of the kids.
    Third time? ‘On yer bike, sunshine’.
    My money went into my bank account, which only had one signature.
    All the threats in the world wouldn’t budge me.

    And then, out of there, as fast as my little legs would carry me.

  15. Friko says:

    ok, now I’ve read the other comments.

    “Poor Jessica?”
    “How awful for her?”
    “How can she bear it/cope/stay?”

    She’s no fool, right?
    I beg to differ. Some people insist on making the same mistakes over and over again, for whatever reason. God, you’ve got me worked up. This story has brought back some very sharp memories.

    • Vicky says:

      Hi Jocelyn, nice to have you back!
      Must agree with Friko here, it is not as much a cultural difference as that some women have a homing instinct for the Wrong Man. I had a friend who went through scores of them after having allured them at the nightclub with her bubbly fun-loving light-and-life-of-the-party act, got them nicely snuggled in bed and then whispered things into their ear about marriage and children. Needless to say, all of them (successively) were off like a shot. It took a series of these men who all looked interchangeable and all had the same “profile” for her to realise and luckily she did find Mr Right (not at the nightclub) and is now happily married with 2 sprogs. By the way, I did send you an email but you were obviously in the throes of moving – the court hearing end of July was postponed because the judge was on leave and then courts closed for summer and will open tomorrow so still waiting for the next date, probably October. Anyway have a ham sandwich for me please!

      • Jocelyn says:

        Hey, Vicky: Great to hear from you; that email re: the court stuff must have gone awry, as I can’t trace it. So thanks for reaching me this way.

        I agree with you all who are saying it’s not ultimately a cultural thing (which is what I was trying to say in the opening paragraph of this post, perhaps not strongly enough). Jessica certainly doesn’t think it’s a cultural thing; she’s been trying to suss out what it is in her that’s getting this result (again, something I might have needed to stress more in this post).

        I’m eating crazy amounts of pork just for you–hoping it aligns the universe towards a good final decision in October!

  16. kmkat says:

    My reaction was much like Friko’s: if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep ending up in the same place. But I was heartened by her eventual realization that she had to face up to her problem, whatever that might be. I hope she is able to turn her life around.

  17. lime says:

    when you’re a “fixer” as jessica is it is very hard to learn to take care of yourself. i applaud her for finally taking steps in taking care of herself. some folks continue to enable bad behavior but she’s growing. bravo. i wish her peace, health, and happiness.

  18. Meg says:

    Compellingly told. As a former divorce lawyer, I am glad she is working on Plan B – everyone should have one. So glad you’re back!

  19. Deborah says:

    Good heavens. What a hell of a story – and how compellingly told, Ms. Story-teller par excellence !! I wanted to be sympathetic, but I’m afraid my thinking was along the lines of Friko’s, who, it must be said, calls a spade a bloody shovel 95% of the time. (Somebody has to.)

    However, I have to admire her determination to get things right in the end, and to stop being a doormat. Hers is not a lesson I had to learn, but there have been many mistakes that I shouldn’t have needed to repeat as often as I did. So, really, I’ve got no business taking a cheap shot at somebody whose emotional myopia skewed her vision of happiness.
    But you, Madame, did a phenomenal job of unraveling this complex tale of love, expectation and deception. There is nothing of yours I wouldn’t read, and I only apologize for having taken so long to let you know I was here (actually as soon as you spread the word on FB). IE9 has decided that I am persona non grata and sniffs at my every attempt to leave comments on worthy blogs such as yours. So off to Chrome I went, welcomed with open arms.

    More, please, Mum. You’ve been missed.

  20. I think that life hands us the same lessons over and over until we learn them. Jessica’s repetitive behavior regarding her husbands is proof of that, and I truly hope that she won’t waste too much more of her life waiting to see if Kerem shapes up because we all know he won’t. Ever.

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