The Third Floor

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9 Responses

  1. kmkat says:

    Oh, my, I can feel the Third Floor. What an amazing essay.

  2. Maria says:

    Ok. First, you’re like a fucking Yoda. If I were at the gym, I would avert my eyes because you tell the truth too much and in such a nice way that I would have to listen. But, this was educational for me to read since I have always regarded you as my “twin blogger” and it is rather nice to see some discrepancies in that area. I HATE exercising. Have NEVER found it to be anything but a chore and frankly, get much more out of my work life than I would ever get from the gym. However, I live with a woman who tells me that if I would just give in to it, I would see the joy of exercise. And honestly? I think you two would hit off like gangbusters in a gym. We have a gym and I swear she knows every stinkin’ person in there whilst I slink around behind her, avoiding eye contact and classes at every chance. And about children? I LIKE Byron’s way of thinking. A lot. But, I had no maternal clock going off in me until I was in my late 30’s and you know the rest. I did the whole in vitro thing unsuccessfully and then managed to get knocked up by a one night stand on at a Halloween party who was young enough to be my son. As with almost everything else in my life, it all turned out grand. I have a good life and a daughter that I love more than anything. But…I think I would have liked to have two children. I think we can still be buds, though, as long as you don’t nag me about the rowing machine incident.

  3. Hmmm. As someone who really reacts badly to unsolicited advice (and who tries to never give it), I am not sure about this. Yes, I think listening when someone has a story to tell matters, as does encouragement and displays of support. But since we actually can’t predict how things will go for someone, I’m reluctant to tell someone something “Tell you parents.” Because people will do those sorts of things when they are ready to, and now may or may not be the time. The Dr. Phil approach of hearing a brief synopsis of a situation and then telling the person what to do can really backfire. Sometimes spectacularly. Even in therapy, I don’t do that – I think it’s more important to let the person explore the possible approaches and then discern what makes the mosts sense for them and whether they are prepared to deal with the possible outcomes of any given choice. Change seems to be more lasting that way.

    • Jocelyn says:

      I appreciate your perspective and am tucking it away to pull out when my mouth runs ahead of Best Practices in the future. Fortunately, what Molly really wanted was a boost–she wanted to tell her parents but was too scared. So she did. And guess what? They stopped talking to her, so her worst fear came true, but she told me the next week that it was a relief to actually know instead of wonder. They’ve now taken some steps to reparation, and she’s feeling better about it.

  4. Avie Layne says:

    Ha…and you call ME the “Universal Earth Mother” I think my friend that you wear these shoes very well.

  5. jenny_o says:

    You are the person I wish I could be, if I were more outgoing and willing to risk rejection … I think the times that people would welcome conversation would out-number the times you’d get a cold shoulder, though, and the connecting would be such a rewarding thing.

  6. Friko says:

    I think this almost intimate conversation with somebody is only possible in a Third Space like your exercise studio. Much of what is said is left behind there, so short bursts of intimacy provide relief of tension quite suddenly. The physical effort helps too. Body and mind are at their most open.

    Flynn is right, of course. You make a good confidante.

  7. Bijoux says:

    I love the Third Space concept. I have heard many people my age lament that when their kids graduated, they felt a loss of connection (school events being their third space).

  8. actonbell says:

    ” before I twirl off into the dim recesses of the third floor and your mind”
    Excellent zeugma. Had to say it. And wow, Jocelyn, you can do anything!

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