Other people try to make the case that women loathe their appearances due to comments made by men. Again, okay, I’ll sort of buy that. Men have said hurtful things to me about how I look. Decades later, I still remember their words. But mostly, I don’t think heterosexual men care about women’s appearances all that much. If their relationship with a woman is platonic, they really don’t care. If their relationship with a woman is romantic or sexual, they probably care, but only to the extent of, “Okay, so at what point do I get to touch that stuff?”
Does This Donut Make My Butt Look Big?
28 responses to “Does This Donut Make My Butt Look Big?”
I want some cookies. I want lots of cookies. Oh and pastries.
I try not to compliment/get the claws out regarding how people look at all. I always feel like if I tell someone they look nice today that they’ll take it to mean I think they look like crap every other day. Paranoid, yes, that’s me.
I have gotten to the point where I really don’t much care anymore. Mr. Jazz’s opinion is important, and so long as he can get me nekkid, he’s a happy camper.
Lord knows I spent way too many years loathing myself both inside and out. A good 40 years actually. It’s too liberating to actually like myself to go back to that.
PS: that word verification – xhijbuzxw (if that’s it is a bit much for a friday afternoon brain)
PPS: Damn, I got it wrong. one more try
You know I get the women in my town looking at me up and down. I hate that. I never judge people by how they look and yet it happens to me all the time. We have moved on from high school people. I like telling total strangers that I like something that they are wearing. Not just made up, I’m genuine.
…did you get the cookies?
“I can’t even rest my martini glass on my breasts.”
The only person I can think of that can do that it Aretha Franklin! 😉
And this is why most of my associates are men. Also, they pay for my drinks and feed me complements about my jeans. That helps. If I could find a few female friends that would do that, I would drop the guys club in a heartbeat. Don’t tell them that I said that.
Very true…all that stuff. You know as a guy, a married guy. It’s amazing how much my wife’s self-image is derived from reality shows rife with models and her skinny friends that go to the gym with a tenacity unforeseen by JessicaSimpson-kind.
Now, I love my wife’s body, love it. But I can never fill her with the confidence to counteract society’s image of her body. Not sweet words, not late night dry-humping, not cute little notes left around the house (i.e. “Your ass is like candy”).
but I think Sir Mix A-lot said it best…
“I ain’t talkin’ bout Playboy
‘Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want ’em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double”
I think he actually ripped off Shakespear’s Sonnet 130…
I can so relate to the body image thing. I struggled with eating disorders all of my life, I don’t blame it on women (’cause I know it’s my own crap) but I do know that other women had a profound impact on my self image.
Case in point- one best friend thought it was a good thing to point out to me that (if I had put on a few pounds)maybe I should wear something more flattering to my fuller figure!! UH, yeah thanks G-friend!
I don’t think its just women causing the body image problems – I think its also media images of women (all the photoshopped models in magazines and digitally altered women in movies), the rising plastic surgery rate (more and more women geting boob jobs and chaging what “normal” looks like) and men’s participation in the ubiquitousness of porn. It all makes it difficult for women to feel okay with their beautifully imperfect bodies.
Oh, you said it so well. (And have you lost weight?) What the hell is wrong with me? With us? I’m healthy, fit, a nice person. Why must I obsess over all the not-perfect parts?
Well, at least I don’t have dead-fish eyes, like that Hilton chick. >;)
I used to work with 2 women who were both gorgeous. I won’t go into details, but either of them could have been a model. One time I listened to them talking disapprovingly about women getting plastic surgery to improve their appearance. I just started laughing. I’m not sure they ever figured out why.
I think women and men are both very critical of women’s appearances, but in different ways. Women are catty, commenting on petty little details about the selection of a particular outfit, or how a hairstyle doesn’t flatter a particular person because of the shape of her face, etc. In contrast, men have discussions like this one (an actual conversation I had with a co-worker):
Me: Man, she is so hot.
Co-worker: Yeah, H.M.* though.
In truth, I think the momentum of our bodily self-hatred comes from other women.
Sure, but that’s all men’s fault too! Didn’t you know that? Didn’t you know that men were responsible for all the evils of the world? 🙂
Very thoughtful post!
And, at the expense of fitting the stereotype, I love your new profile photo, my platonic friend! 🙂
Fine post! We all struggle with our own insecurities, which I think are largely caused by the media’s exploitation of very specific kinds of beauty.
It would be truly liberating, and far more interesting, if we could finally get past this nonsense and begin to appreciate ourselves and others for our unique qualities, physical and otherwise, without evaluating them.
Ariel–Cookie Monster and you should date.
Jazz–I’m with you. Being done with self-loathing is such a relief. I’m expecting that to be the beauty of my 40’s.
Paintergirl–Your town sounds tough. But keep complimenting them on their buttons.
Bill–Damn it, no. I had to keep stomping around all afternoon until I got myself an almond biscotti,and then I shaped up.
Lee–And maybe Patti Labelle, so long as we’re envying the martini-toting powers of good yowlers.
Mist1–I bet those men compliment you on your genes, as well as your jeans.
Furiousball–Any time you can weave in Sir Mix-a-lot… Your wife, btw, is lucky to have you.
Lushgirl–Don’t we sometimes wish our friends would just shut up?
CSL–Yes, this whole phenomenon is definitely a tangled web.
Diana–I was born 8 pounds, 14 ounces, so I’ve actually gained weight. I currently suffer from “but I run an hour a day, lift weights, do Pilates and yoga, so what do I care if I’m not someone else’s vision of perfect?”
Diesel–H.M. women tire me out, too.
Dan–Thanks, my platonic friend. I actually cropped my husband out of the photo and then threw my head into a picture of our kids’ closet, after we painted it.
Hearts–You really should run for office, you know. Every time I read your writing, I get all roused up and ready to take action
Great post! I have had at least one female coworker make comments on my apearance and body, and it makes me mad as hell. I’ve NEVER made a single comment along these lines to her or anyone else. (And she’s no movie star, either, btw)
Yes, I grew up with a sucky body image, and I’m not wild about my figure now, but with middle age, I’ve chilled out.
And I think it’s a combination of ALL the things you listed–magazines, celebs, comments, all of it just gangs up on women. This is suck.
AMEN! But on a side note how SAD is it that Brittney-I’m-a-stupid-whore- Spears is aging SOOOO badly. (meow.)
Good post. I remember reading a study once about children in…maybe third or forth grade. The teacher had a pizza at the front of the room. The children could help themselves to the pizza. The boys were getting as many pieces as they wanted. The girls all ate one piece and sat there. Finally, one girl stepped forward and took a 2nd piece and the other girls eventually followed. It amazed me how girls THAT YOUNG had already gotten the message: Don’t eat so much.
I can’t remember any guy ever saying anything insulting about how I look. I’ve met a few bitches in my time, though.
(cheering and thumping arm!)
Somehow I ended up at the grocery store and bought a dozen doughnuts. I ate three right away and finished off the rest the next day with a little help from the boys who call them bagels. Ooh they tasted great and I had no guilt because after all they could be “bagels”
love the blog!
thanks for the insight into the female psyche. Am as confused as ever.
Most men have the same issues with thier bodies…
We just don’t bitch about them as much. 😉
ActonBell–Why am I so enamored of your phrase “This is suck”? I’m sure others have used it, but it gave me a snort today.
Urchin–See, I was sure you and I could be snarky together. So, um, yup, I agree about Britney looking so awful. Cocaine will do that to a girl.
That Girl–What an interesting study. I have a six-year-old who, most merciful of all things, is unfettered by body image stuff so far. But I’m waiting. Tick. Tock.
Choochoo–Thanks for the added evidence!
Blogwhore–Now, the real question is: that thumping arm of yours, is it toned and firm or is it flabby? Right?
Julie B–Soooo fun to “see” you here. Unfortunately, the truth is that bagels are really loaded with calories, etc. (I can eat two biscotti to equal a bagel in calories and fat…you see, I do measure my life in Biscotti Counts), so I don’t know if your naming strategy will work.
Lone Grey–I suspect the more I write about women, the more confused I’d make you. We don’t make a whit of sense.
Steven–Yea, guys are too busy writing blog posts about their penises to bitch about their weight, right? *ahem*
Are you going to eat those donuts? Because I’m hungry.
Good for you! I’ve seen so much focus on bodies, but so little consideration of souls. How boring!
I only say nice things to other women because life is too short to get involved in bitchiness. I have to say though, in my profession, body consciousness kind of goes with the territory.
Yeah, that body consciousness thing is a real drag. Don’t suppose you could pass me one of those there doughnuts, could ya? 😉
Thanks for stopping by today Jocelyn! The only promises I make today are to do the BEST I can…
HUGS to you!