Pecking at the Picketing PETA Pipers

Keith Richards was named this week as the new face of Louis Vuitton (headed by Marc Jacobs).

Shortly after the contracts were signed, Jacobs seized Keith’s face in a firm embrace, skinned it, and used the leather to make a suitcase.

Keith staggered home, enjoying the aftereffects of the anesthesia, eager to answer his family’s questions about his wildass experience at the Designer Shoppe. Sadly, since his look had only veered from “pretty damn skeletal” to “truly skeletal,” nobody noticed the change. Later, processing his day solitarily, Keith felt it ironically appropriate to visit Facebook, where he friended master prop comic Gallagher before logging off to snort his father’s remaining ashes.

Next week, to “support” Louis Vuitton’s new line of hobo purses and matching wallets, Marc Jacobs hopes to sign Nick Nolte and Mickey Rourke.





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34 responses to “Pecking at the Picketing PETA Pipers”

  1. liv Avatar


    my dad was on high school swim team with gallagher. these were clearly the days before the sledge-o-matic had been invented.

    this is fact.

  2. flutter Avatar

    I am not entirely sure that Mr Richards isn’t comprised mostly of tar.

  3. That Chick Over There Avatar
    That Chick Over There

    Jesus God.

  4. Diana Avatar

    Suddenly I feel the need to moisturize.

  5. Say It Avatar
    Say It

    Marc Jacobs knows what he’s doing. I wonder if he got the idea from project runway?

  6. Her Grace Avatar
    Her Grace

    Why, why, WHY must you make me laugh until I cry?

  7. furiousBall Avatar

    all three of these guys could be muppets with no costume or make up.

  8. lime Avatar


  9. SQT Avatar

    Keith Richards was named this week as the new face of Louis Vuitton (headed by Marc Jacobs).


  10. Minnesota Matron Avatar
    Minnesota Matron

    Keith Richards? On my. And oh my GOD. Laughing so hard, I frightened the children.

  11. yinyang Avatar

    That is a nice guitar, though.

  12. b Avatar

    Really? Keith Richards and Louis Vuitton? Wow, shocking. All three of those guys need a good facial and some time out of the sun :).

  13. Hammer Avatar

    I would recommend a facelift for the poor old sod but then of course he would have his schlong as a necktie.

  14. uurchin Avatar

    i remember reading that jerry hall said she wasn’t afraid that her kids would do drugs since they had been around Keith Richards their entire lives…. Sort of a real live (well sort of) this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs commerical….

  15. amymalia Avatar

    Did you know that the residue from Keith Richards body alone supported 6 major South American drug plantations for 15 years?

    True story.

  16. Claudia Avatar

    * hurls her breakfast *

    Though, I will admit, they made Richards look pretty decent in POC 3. 😉 If you like half-dead pirates.

  17. Lone Grey Squirrel Avatar
    Lone Grey Squirrel

    Never did understand fashion.

  18. citizen of the world Avatar
    citizen of the world

    Nolte and Rourke look ragged, but you know they at least have better moments. Keith Ricahrds, on the other hand, has looked dead for years.

  19. Tai Avatar

    I met Keith a few years ago. He looks worse in person, if you can believe that. WORSE!!

  20. pistols at dawn Avatar
    pistols at dawn

    Mickey Rourke and Gallagher should tour together so there’d be at least two laughable punchlines in the set.

  21. lime Avatar

    howdy, wanted to come back and thank you for the comments on the various posts but especially the political rant i did. i was mainly expressing my cynicism, rather than saying none of them did anything noteworthy. i agree that carter has done amazing things post-presidency. i don’t think anyone can argue otherwise. and i did forget about the civil rights advances made under johnson. as positive as i am about other things i am deeply cynical about all things political but i really appreciate your input. i would have emailed this rather than gunk up your post here but i didn’t see an addy anywhere and i wanted to make sure you saw this.

    thanks again.

  22. Glamourpuss Avatar

    Wow. So rock and roll that Richards. Not a sell-out at all, oh no, and Louis Vuitton, such a brand of integrity.


  23. Karen MEG Avatar
    Karen MEG

    You keeeel me with this one. Too funny. I’m rolling on the floor here.

    I agree, what’s with Keith as supermodel? I do not. Get it.

    You are too kule for rules Jocelyn.

  24. Jazz Avatar

    Them guys scare me sometimes. Like on Monday mornings.


  25. Winter Avatar

    I’m already on their waiting list for the new Keith Richard’s purse..

    I just hope I don’t get the part of his arm with all the needle holes…

  26. Steve Avatar

    Wordless and awed! I wonder if Richards will comment?

  27. lime Avatar

    lol, sorry…

    mountainlime (at) gmail(dot) com

    ifin ya want

  28. heartinsanfrancisco Avatar

    Too funny!! I especially liked the bit about Keith enjoying the aftereffects of anesthesia. The fact that he is still living at all is astounding.

    Marc Jacobs should try to sign Robert Redford, too.

    I’m loving the comments to this post. They are on the level of your hilarious report.

  29. Shari Avatar

    Glad that stuff only happens at the movies…or don’t they?

    Sorry I haven’t visited in a while…buried in homework. 🙂

  30. Princess Pointful Avatar
    Princess Pointful

    I cringe even thinking about touching their leathery skin. Ew.

    PS. I have been a very missing girl lately, due to explosions of busyness, and for that, I apologize!

  31. chelle Avatar

    hehehe Keith certainly is ageless … and pickled to the core I would imagine.

  32. Maggie Avatar

    I used to claim that all men age well. I stand corrected.

  33. Calamity Jane Avatar
    Calamity Jane

    Louis who?

  34. Pendullum Avatar


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