Wherein Jamie Lynn Spears Breaks My Bank


Every time they want an increase in their allowance, the kids pull this kind of emotional blackmail.

Niblet’s all, “But I’m scawwed at night and need someone to sleep wif me.”

Damn that Zoey 101 episode the kids watched, where the dorm was haunted by a malicious and creeping slimy green mist. Niblet knew there was no way the show-making people could have pretend made that kind of ooze. Clearly, it was real, and, therefore, such a thing could be spritzing around and lurking under his vewwy own bed.

He proved the legitimacy of his fear by waking up, crying, four times the other night, with a final tally of 3 hours of wakefulness between 2 and 5 a.m. (fellow passengers on this tearful journey: long-suffering Ma and Pa). Finally, after a big fight, he gave his pappy a firm embrace in the bed, and they slept in a sweaty headlock until the sun finished rising. During this time, the mother figure crept off to the guest room, where she wound herself in a fleece blanket and a smidgeon of regret that she’d had a second child.

However. The next day, as the parents dipped their heads to the scalp into a steaming pot of coffee,

Girl was all, “Okay, brudder, I’ll sleep with you tonight, so you don’t have to be scared.”

Thus, at 8:30 p.m., the two of them snuggled into his twin bed and slept, without waking, for 11 hours. And again with it tonight.

And now–*dramatic sigh*–since I’m rather a puddle on the floor when faced with their soft, seraphic dewiness, I just might have to up their allowances to one dollar AND twenty-five large American cents per week.

What a couple of manipulators.





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20 responses to “Wherein Jamie Lynn Spears Breaks My Bank”

  1. Bob Avatar

    you start giving in now and you’re sooooooo in trouble by the time they’re teens.

  2. ms. changes pants while driving Avatar
    ms. changes pants while driving

    that’s adorable.

    this might sound weird, but my sister and i (when we lived together) would occassionally sleep in the same bed. it was after a bad break up, or when our grandmother died. very comforting.

  3. Anonymous Avatar

    Well, I like the new photo of Ms Marscapone, but you’re clearly not Italian.


  4. chelle Avatar

    awww so sweet that they have each other to depend on! That is enough for me to be convinced that a second, is alright!

  5. Her Grace Avatar
    Her Grace

    Pure emotional blackmail right there. They’re good. You better keep an eye on them.

    I love it when my girls sleep together. It’s so sweet. That is, until about 5 AM and they start kicking each other and fighting in their sleep. In fact, when my three-year-old gets tangled in her blankets (EVERY NIGHT! Girl has a problem), the first name she yells out in anger is her sister’s.

  6. Shania Avatar

    What a great sister to comfort her widdle brudder. Adorable!

  7. Anonymous Avatar

    I’ve faced the same issues of lack of sleep with number three. Serious grumpiness and regrets here though as coffee is not liked. The big guys haven’t figured out that some kids get allowance yet, trying to see how long we can get away with it.

  8. Jazz Avatar

    Aw, aren’t they cute…

    As for the manipulation, ‘course they manipulate you, it’s what kids do…

  9. lime Avatar

    give em each $2. the uninterupted sleep is soooo worth it.

  10. Glamourpuss Avatar

    What are they spending this money on? Green slime? Crack?


  11. Anette Avatar

    Aaah! bless their sweet sleeping faces! I remember we had a few situations like that at our house too! At least you know that you’re manipulated!

  12. Vodka Mom Avatar
    Vodka Mom

    they are too damn cute. no shit.

  13. Shania Avatar

    OK, you’re going to think I’m a total whackadoo, but I cannot find your email address anywhere! and I know I’ve responded to your comments on my blog before! (yes, I’m aware I’ve lost my mind. I’m looking for it)

    I wanted to thank you for your compliment on my writing. I honestly can’t remember the last time someone gave me a compliment and you have no idea how much it means.

    And as far as needing hours to read my past stuff?? Pfft, girlfriend, I’ve only written about 70 posts, 80% of which are fluff. So I’m thinking, twenty minutes, tops!

    Thanks again. If you have an email you give out (I know some don’t) please send it to me. wellimaginethat@gmail.com

  14. stepping over the junk Avatar
    stepping over the junk

    that is too cute. my kids would be up all night chatting and laughing if they slept in the same bed. and we have the same thing, kids scared of things they see on Zoey and Zack and Cody

  15. furiousBall Avatar


  16. furiousBall Avatar

    oh man… did Dikembe Mutombo log in with my name again? sorry J… dikembe!!!

  17. heartinsanfrancisco Avatar

    I commented to this yesterday. In your son’s accent. Now it’s gone and I can’t remember what I said.

    Does this mean we’re finished?

  18. Princess Pointful Avatar
    Princess Pointful

    I have to give a loving little squeal when looking at that photo. It just oozes adorability.

  19. pistols at dawn Avatar
    pistols at dawn

    Adjusting for inflation is the doom of all parental allowance-based economies.

  20. Diana Avatar

    See? This is why I turn to you over and over. I just need Sara to crawl into Colin’s bed instead of ours at 2am. Brilliant.

    Colin is money hungry ever since finding out that Legos don’t grow on trees and Santa won’t be coming for another 3 months. I’m thinking a buck a night is money well spent.

    Although that might backfire and lead him to plant nightmares in her brain from now until he leaves for college in 9 years.

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