On tiny cat feet, he then slyly hoisted the goods into his getaway vehicle, drove home–gunning it to 80 mph all the way–and wrapped up the TV for his wife (in my mind, she is named Carlene), sticking it under the tree with a card that read: “To Mom, Honeybunny, from Big Papa, Daddy.” Then he retired to the comfort of his newly-positioned and firmed mattress, watching the old TV and hollering, “NOOOO deal” at Howie Mandel, until…
The Best You Can Hope for in the Hoosegow is a Sealy Posturpedic
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19 responses to “The Best You Can Hope for in the Hoosegow is a Sealy Posturpedic”
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Your Perez-inside-voice is brilliant.
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“…on tiny cat feet…”
That just made this story so much better.
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P.S. I linked you so I can remember to check in…hope that’s ok.
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I heard this story too…somehow you tell it better. You are soooo in this guy’s mind!
And something tells me you may have graded his papers in the past–or those of his unfortunate offspring!
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This guy deserves to keep it! Look at all of the ingenuity he demonstrated. Such ingenuity should be encouraged. This is sending the wrong signal.
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Lee–Or, as I call you in my head, “my new best friend”…thanks, and I’m so glad you’ve linked me! (one day I will get around to doing that too, but not during final exam week. Dramatic sigh here)
Mist–I thought you’d appreciate the “cat feet,” what with having them yourself.
Let’s Pretend–Are you trying to say his offspring are unfortunate because they’ve had me as a teacher?
Dan–I like your backasswards ethics. There’s a place for you in the IRS, if you ever need it.
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Is there really any story that is not improved with a Spinal Tap reference? I think not. Excellent. This was funny indeed.
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They say it’s better to be a smart-ass than a dumb-ass. Guess he opted for the latter.
-velvet
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This guy has to be from my ex-husband’s gene pool.
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You let this guy loose and eventually he will qualify for a Darwin Award.
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I’ve got a warm fuzzy. It could be having a new best friend…or it could be the 3rd glass-o-wine. I’m going with both. 😉
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He actually would have probably made it if he wasn’t dumb enough to load an entire bed onto the cart. Geez.
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You know, I really wish he’d gotten away with it. I stayed at a Radisson once, and found them to be the scuzziest, snottiest, worst hotel chain I ever tried to sleep in. I’m not surprised they neglected to give bonuses. The bastards.
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on tiny cat feet is so good…. I love your Perez conversing with Howie Mandel- too funny!
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Dorky Dad–Christopher Guest is a genius, is he not?
Velvet Girl–Not everyone can be gifted with the smart-ass gene. Some must suffer on their mattresses as dumb-asses.
Christina–Maybe it IS your ex-husband; he just changed his name and married Honeybunny.
Jazz–Since none of my students believe in evolution (they maintain Darwin was a quack), I guess they’d give him a Creator Award.
Lee–Sounds like your third glass of wine is actually your new best friend. Or maybe aspirin.
Anita–I think he maybe just stole the Sleep Number System device and hooked it up to his own bed. I have no idea how big one of those devices is, however.
Crankster–We’re going to have to enroll you in an assertiveness program, so you can start to say what you’re really thinking.
Urban–I sometimes wonder if Howie Mandel has tiny cat feet.
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No one enjoys a job at the Radission…
No one. 😉
Steve~
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Too funny! Ain’t love grand?
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Extraordinary.
Puss
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Cool pics. It’s nice to see you’re doing your part to make a more better future. I found you through a comment you left on Drive-by’s blog, btw.
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