More Centrally American

This may be my last post for a couple of weeks, for Byron and I, some months back, bolstered by a few shots of whiskey slammed down during a State of the Union address (by the end, we were channeling David Byrne, chopping on our arms, and slurring, “This is not our beautiful country”), decided to take Wee Niblet and Girl to



*Guatemala* for two weeks.

Really, what better place to let The Kiddles have their first international adventures (not counting Thunder Bay) than a country recovering from a civil war? If they’re going to make it in this world, they need to know early and young that good coffee comes from countries where indigenous people have been “disappeared” through guerilla warfare.

We haven’t even been teaching them any helpful Spanish or Mayan phrases but instead have been honing their pronunciation of a single French term: “coup d’etat.”

Last weekend, for further preparation, we took them to see Mel “I hate Jews, but only when I’m drunk” Gibson’s APOCOLYPTO. There’s nothing sweeter than hearing my three-year-old son’s voice, piping up in the darkness: “Mommy, what’s a human sacrifice? Is that like the time I lost my Martian Manhunter action figure?”

All right, so actually we’re planning a rather-benign family vacation to visit my sister, who teaches at an “American-style” Guatemalan school in Guat City (“So, as long as we’re reading Lily’s Purple Plastic Purse, would anyone like fries with that?”). We’ll travel to a waterpark, a volcanic lake, and the town where my sister gets her eyelashes tinted. I predict, as well, that many a local market will benefit from our desire for gorgeous, colorful fabrics and folkart.

Along the way, I’m sure I’ll take a header into some lava or mangle my Spanish attempts and end up asking a waitress for “more green knuckles in my shoehorn”; in short, when I get back, you can be assured of a few new Jocelyn As Traveler Dork tales.





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11 responses to “More Centrally American”

  1. urban-urchin Avatar

    My parents went to visit my brother and sister in law when they were living in Brazil, after the birth of my neice. Mom, being helpful, went to the local bakery to buy two loaves of bread. Holding up her hands to demonstrate she wanted them each to be about 2 ft long. Only she didn’t realize that the word for bread and penis were so very close. She couldn’t understand why the bakery workers were laughing so hard.

    Have a wonderful trip. I hear they make fabulous camo gear and My Little Pony nightvision goggles these days..

  2. Glamourpuss Avatar

    What an exotic life you lead. Sigh.


  3. furiousBall Avatar

    I was in Buford, GA for Christmas, which if you ignore the Home Depot directly across from the Lowe’s it’s exactly like a third world country but less cultured.

  4. Dorky Dad Avatar
    Dorky Dad

    I’m going to wait until my boy is 5 to take him to his first war-torn country. But I’m just protective like that.

  5. Brooklyn Frank Avatar
    Brooklyn Frank

    the exotica is killing me.

  6. Lee Avatar

    Coup d’etat!!!

  7. Polyman3 Avatar

    Wow, sounds like a great trip. The closest I get to S.America is the
    grocery store across from where I work.
    Be safe & have fun.

  8. Christina_the_wench Avatar

    How beautiful that looks! I hope you ahve a good time and a happy new year!

  9. Jocelyn Avatar

    Thanks for the good wishes, and I´m not even writing to see if anyone can send ransom money. We´ve stayed safe thus far, despite taking the unthinkable step of letting our children ride in vehicles without being strapped in. It´s amazing how very quickly all that stuff falls away. If Baby isn´t vomiting and dehydrated, hell yes, he can have another wild ride over cobblestone streets on the Tuk-Tuks (local mini taxis that are basically three-wheeled motorcycles). What´s a little whiplash to a developing brain… More soon…I leave you now at nightfall in the lovely town of Antigua!

  10. choochoo Avatar

    Well, it’s a known fact that you can never, ever have too many green knuckles in your shoehorn

  11. Crankster Avatar

    Check out some ruins for me!

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