Emergence

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31 Responses

  1. lime says:

    ok, a couple thoughts for my psyche sister…..i agree that houses should be filled with many loving and fun friends and since i have a fondness for raspberries and cheesecake and god KNOWS i am ready to sell my soul for good chocolate i propose i come to visit you sin familia and then i will take your progeny with me to the crayola factory….what say?

    now, onto more serious matters. i have had to negotiate many issues with my parents as relates to their divorce and many issues with mr lime’s family as relates to violation to principles i hold dear. as you know, neither is easy. i am hoping you have reached around back to give yourself a pat on the back for choosing a way to find peace without compromising who you are. it’s a delicate balance to find.

  2. My Reflecting Pool says:

    Welcome to the adult world baby!
    A nose job in her 60’s? Give your mom a hug, things must have been harder than imaginable.

    It is obvious your mother taught you tolerance, after all you didn’t beat her for her choices. And you kept a postitive relationship with her during it all. Couldn’t have been easy.

  3. Voyager says:

    I would have been dying to give Beau a good smack upside the head. I admire you for not judging your mother. And your understanding of her motivation. A tricky tightrope you walked with finesse.
    Ain’t adulthood grand?
    V.

  4. Logophile says:

    Mr. Logo and I recently noted that we’ve had company less lately than ever before and have been working on reversing that trend. We like having the people around too.
    Re-negotiating is never easy and I love your outlook on it but come on, the Hoff? I don’t know if I could take THAT!

  5. Glamourpuss says:

    Yes, I think itis imperative we renegotiate our relationships with our parents, and more often than not, it is up to us to be the grown-ups.

    It’s taken me years to forgive my mother, but you, well, you worked it out striaght off. That is inspiring.

    Puss

  6. Jazz says:

    Your house is our house. Always open, always full.

    As for your mother, it’s great you didn’t judge her, but personally I would draw the line at David Hasselhoff. Seriously, J, there are limits.

  7. Diana says:

    See, it’d be so very easy to just get caught up in the anger and the bitterness and not see it for what it really was, desperate loneliness and the need to be desired by someone. I’m really glad you were able to do so. Many daughters would’t have been able to. I’m guessing your relationship with your mother is better as a result.

    Of course, I could just be talking out my ass.

    I hope she finds someone who truly makes her bloom. (Of course it goes without saying that someone should not be a bigoted pig nor have Smarmy Hollywood brewed deep in his soul.)

  8. Em says:

    Sometimes it sucks being an adult, huh?!? All that work to create new relationships with parents. Seems like there ought to be an easier way! LOL

  9. Jill says:

    I admire your maturity. I don’t think I could have handled all the things that happened without things getting ugly. Your family is a lot better for it too. Bravo.

  10. Theresa says:

    First of all, that photo of Girl and Wee Niblet is adorable. That said, on to your mom’s situation: I truly don’t know if I could have kept my mouth shut and listen to that guy; I hate conflict, but he sounded like a real jerk. It must have taken a lot of determination on your part not to say anything, and that shows how much you really love your mom. I hope she finds what she’s looking for, and that it’s not David Hasselhoff.

  11. urban-urchin says:

    what gorgeous babies! come hang out with us at our tiny house on the east coast anytime. Is it wrong that I breathed a sigh of relief when I read about the beau dying? Yes,probably but- WTF? He could be related to my MIL, when I asked how her trip to Vegas was a few years okay she said, “Great, we saw the two fags with the tigers.” ?!!

  12. WSG says:

    I’m sorry. If it helps, I know *exactly* how you felt about your mom’s relationship with Beau. I’ve been there Anyway, I hope the new relationship is better, for your sake as much as for hers. But the best you can do for her is just support her and try to make her as happy as possible. Your kids aren’t going to absorb bad manners or bigotry from spending a few hours around some boob, but they will benefit from having their grandma happy and active in their lives.

    Good luck, hon. *Hug*

  13. Jeannie says:

    All I can say is…hey – if at 67 your mother was capable of finding a boyfriend who was also a good kisser, you gotta forgive her rose coloured glasses. Here at 48, I’m thinking that if something happens to my hubby, I’m alone for life…maybe not if I can overlook a few flaws…

  14. jen says:

    lessons (and inspirations) are all around us aren’t they?

    you. your mom. so many things.

  15. Lone Grey Squirrel says:

    Wow. It seems a couple of my blogging friends are intent on teaching me a thing or two about grace and love (you being one of them). I am humbled and appreciative. Very well and sensitively told.

  16. Stepping Over the Junk says:

    WOW. I can’t believe he was so specific on what he wanted to eat. It wasn’t like “I am allergic to shellfish” but more “Make me roast and potatoes!” Snort.

    I love this post because since my divorce, I have actually “renegotiated” within myself, my relationship with my parents as well. Upon helping my mom move the last few days (I feel a post coming on about this), I have suddenly felt yet another transition in knowing her as a person and not just a mom. As in, role reversal.

  17. Her Grace says:

    I clicked over to you from Jen’s at One Plus Two because I loved your comment there. I’m glad I did. I love this post and can’t wait to check out your archives.

  18. BeachMama says:

    Kudos to you for taking the high road with your Mom’s Beau. It must have been very hard and I don’t know that I would have had the same Grace. I am sorry for her that he passed away, that must have been quite difficult. Hopefully her new Man treats her right and she can enjoy her time with him.

  19. Claire says:

    I can really relate -in the whole “geewhiz things sure have changed” Department. Long story short, My mother was alternately a good mom, a bad mom, an ok mom, a bad mom. I left at age 17 for the opposite coast. Then she was an ok and sometimes good mom. Now she is old and I am middle aged. She has morphed into a strangely child-like creature. She calls every week and tells me every little detail of her life and doctor’s appointments. I am grudgingly taking the high road and trying not to think of all the times I was ignored. I am doing the Right thing.
    This is what it seems to me you are doing as well. What else can we do with the women who gave us life?

  20. Emma in Canada says:

    What timing for this post! Today I met my father’s ex girlfriend from when he was in his early 20s. They are going on holiday together. And although i find the whole situation somewhat odd, luckily she is no Beau. Definitely a nice Irish lady. But way too skinny.

  21. mcewen says:

    Excellent as always.
    Best wishes

  22. Whippersnapper says:

    My step-mom-in-law uses the N word. A lot. And honestly, I think she uses it especially often around us because she knows it makes us cringe. For the sake of family harmony I don’t say anything. That makes me cringe too, and also hate myself a little.

    These stories are fascinating to read. Your poor mom. You’re right, of course. She must have been terribly lonely.

    Groom’s a CUTIE!!

  23. Diesel says:

    “something that’s been known to happen after bagpipe concerts”

    Dammit, Jocelyn, you’re not allowed to make me burst out laughing while the man is bleeding from his ears and his lips are turning blue.

  24. frannie says:

    you have to write a book— every post you do, I am immediately drawn in and can’t look away until I am done— even if the little Drama is yowling!

  25. choochoo says:

    I’ve been thinking that I might be an adult, too. Actually I’ve been thinking that I might be turning into an old lady. Lately I’ve been so exhausted by 8pm, I’m pretty much ready for bed. Next time I’m at the salon, I might ask to have my hair dyed blue.

  26. Mother of Invention says:

    You negotiated well in a tough situation. I guess we never know how lonely it is when we lose a mate and what we’re willing to trade off to secure another or “settle”. It is sad when people compromise principles. Hope your mom fares better this time ’round.

    Nice post.

  27. Princess Pointful says:

    Wow. These past few posts have been so amazingly insightful– I can’t even begin to imagine what you went through in those years, and how you managed to keep the love of family going despite all these enormous changes. It is hard to see you mother, of all people, making such fatal errors.

  28. Ann(ie) says:

    You are the best damn writer. And you always make me cry. But, I’m a sap so it’s not entirely your fault. =P I’ve found in life that divorce can really change your parents as you knew them. It’s still hard for me to get around my mother’s tolerance of my stepfather and his family. I’m really not sure I’ll ever understand it all. *sigh*

    Great post as usual!!!

  29. CS says:

    Pass the berad? Just stand up and spear yourself a piece!

    So, spics and poofs and a dinner order of roast beef? I am the kind of person who’d have cooked something else (anything else and gone from there. But I understand your desire to keep the peace. I’d ay karma got him in the end, but it wasn’t instant enough. It’s so hard to let go and watch your parets make foolish choices, isn’t it. Sigh, grown-ups these days.

  30. cathy says:

    The worst thing about your blog is that you write really long posts and I have to read every word.
    The best thing about your blog is that you write really long posts and I have to read every word.

    I’ve got a horrible feeling that I am going to have to read this post again. I think that I’m in danger of becoming like your mum in 20 years or so.

  31. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    It sounds as if this guy was so wrong for your mother that the “universe” or whatever stepped in to save her, since she was unable to do so herself.

    I read this with such empathy for you, and also for my own children who were forced to put up with a boorish and cruel tyrant during my long years as a single mother. I had been so wounded by those before him, starting with my family, that I was desperate for affection.

    I cringe mightily when I think back to those horrible years, and feel deeply ashamed to have inflicted my insecurities on the people I loved most, my children.

    I hope your mother has found someone worthy of your family this time. I’m sure that she is still the person you remember inside, and hopefully she has reconnected with herself again.

    It is very difficult to keep quiet when someone spews prejudiced remarks in your home. I have been there, too, and felt as conflicted as you and Groom did. Atrocious table manners are also impossible to overlook because you can’t correct your children without seeming to apply a double standard. Of course, you are not responsible for the manners of other “adults.”

    Great post, Jocelyn. Nobody writes better than you. I love coming here.

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