Happiness Is a Red Negligee


Two summers ago, we entered a merciful holding pattern…


For nobody got on an airplane.

And nobody died.

Nobody sprang a mutated version of “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” evening on us.

Instead, we took a quick trip to Lincoln, Nebraska, meeting my sister there for a few days before she left for two years in Guatemala. We ate some bagels; we visited the Children’s Museum; we played Go Fish.

It was good. It was easy.

And the rest of the summer? Unfettered by huge life moments, we simply enjoyed Life’s Rich Pageant.

Rare photographic evidence of the Tooth Fairy.

Need. Just. One. More. Juice. Box. To. Push. Past. Stage. Fright.

Luigi’s been tossing pies for sixty years.
He makes homemade tortillas.
He scrapes paint off woodwork.
He fixes the dehumidifier.
He cheers like a big ole white boy (check out the overbite).
That’s the spoon we whack her with.
Er…: with which we whack her.
‘Cause we’re all about the corporal punishment.
And you can tell she’s a real handful.


Yes, he ate that donut with using the hook.

Then he put on his Buzz Lightyear helmut and went to infinity.
And beyond.


Is it possible for the father to be a chip off the son’s block?
A 4 for technique.

But a 10 for artistry and expression.


He’s painting the words “Die, Evil Spawn” on the

back of her neck with the ends of her wet ponytail.


Once he starts school, Wee Niblet and the principal will be on a first-name basis, ja?

Dear Glamourpuss, my boy wants to make the cut for your Well-Dressed Wednesday posts. It’s about attitude, confidence, and panache more than anything, right?

You think that’s paint?
It’s a puddle of pastel vomit.


One time she cleans her room.

One time.

Buzz and Niblet plot Mrs. Potato Head’s early demise.

Run, MPH! Run as fast as your spindley tater legs can tote your bulk! Run ’til you feel fried!

Under the guise of “working in the garden,” Groom and Girl shoot craps.

He wins away her allowance with nary a qualm. Then he spends it on booze.

Michael Kors makes hats out of paper plates, too.

Remember his Strawberry Shortcake line of 1999?

And that’s the bat we whack her with when she doesn’t clean her room.

Er, with which we whack her. Damn prepositions. They sure are something that’s difficult to put up with.

Crap. I mean, of course, up with which to put.

You know you sleep nekkid.

But have you tried Nekkid Wid Diaper?

Once you have, you’ll never go back.

After this, he put new brake pads on the min-van.

If he wants to stay, he needs to make himself useful and earn his keep. What? Does he think Little Debbie Zebra Cakes grow on trees?

Even if they’re in front of the tv, so long as they’re touching, it counts as a family dinner, right?

The thing about Lake Superior is that it needs more rocks in it.

Just as soon as he finds his glass slipper, he fully intends to suck your blood.

She’s got his glass slipper right there, in that purse.

Behind that impish grin lurks the smile of a diobolical genius.

It’s been two years now, and she STILL hasn’t told him she’s got it.

He looks and looks, every day, calling out, “Oh, glass slipper? Where are you?”

She never says a word.

And if he does ever find out, like he could catch her up there?

And in that bag on the front of the scooter?

She has Dorothy’s ruby slippers.

Not on the tail of the international shoe thief,

it’s Detective Dragon Dude.

The slipper thief serves out her jail time mid-air.

After her release, she intimates that true reform may still be a speck on the horizon.

Meanwhile, back at the clubhouse, Dr. Hypo gives shots of his legendary truth serum.

Then we took off the costumes and went to the creek.

We live by Seven Bridges Road.

This is the 7th bridge.

I know.

I know.

The whole notion makes me “ooooh” too at the very luck and magic of it all. I mean, if they’d stopped with the sixth bridge, that would have just been dumb. Who builds SIX bridges?

Oh, and we resided our 1930’s garage, too.


Thus, the dog days of the summer of 2005 passed in blessed normalcy. The kids’ personalities took shape even more; we rested; we ate a lot of beets from our garden; we made some pesto.

All was infinitely right with the world.





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30 responses to “Happiness Is a Red Negligee”

  1. my4kids Avatar

    Oh my all those costumes are cute…your kids are just cute. I was laughing all the way through this post!

  2. Lone Grey Squirrel Avatar
    Lone Grey Squirrel

    Thanks! That was such a fun tour. Love the photos and the humor.

  3. choochoo Avatar

    I keep waking up at night. It’s either to damn hot or I have to use the bathroom, cause I drink tons of tea just before bed. Maybe nekkid with diaper is just the thing I need.

  4. Karen Avatar

    Holy crap you make me laugh each and every time I visit! Your family is fantastic. Red teddy and a blue ball gown? Do I detect a trend with the niblet? Just teasing! The family’s adorable. And you are truly evil…I love it!

    As for the comments you left in the captain’s log, I think you need to get a picture of this pink tutu wearing fella in your neighbourhood. And a trip to Mexico? Shhhhhh….don’t tell anyone but that’s what I’m thinking. I’ve already got the tour picked out, now I just need the money.

  5. Em Avatar

    Darn. That title had me hoping we would see YOU in the red negligee. 😉

    Very cool photos.

    And by the way, I have passed along a blogging award to you. Richly deserved.

  6. Shari Avatar

    Unless you have nanosecond Internet connection or Superpowers, all the pictures you uploaded must have taken you a couple of hours!!

    Instead of cartoons, it was like reading a comic strip with pictures.

  7. Top cat Avatar
    Top cat

    Wow! just curious how long it took you to post all these pictures.lol
    Love all the pictures and your commentary is hilarious.
    I enjoyed this post a lot cause it gave me lots of smiles.:)

  8. charlotta-love Avatar

    lol. I loved every picture of your son in dresses. we have some of my brother like that too but I wouldn’t be alive if I dared post those. :o)

  9. Claire Avatar

    Geez, I love it when life slows down a bit and you get to breath.
    btw- Ya got cute kids! Save those pics of Nibblet in dresses. You may need to blackmail him when he becomes an irritating teenager 🙂

  10. frannie Avatar

    those are wonderful shots to blackmail with…
    I mean with which to blackmail.

  11. urban-urchin Avatar

    i love the pic of the wee niblet in the sleeping beauty dress- that one will have to be brought out at his wedding.

    I loved the photo essay.

  12. Glamourpuss Avatar

    How much for the kids? Seriously. The Girl is clearly a natural at the old pole dance, and Wee Niblet is a drag act waiting to happen. Man, those pink marabou slippers? He looks a little bit comfy in those. I’m sure he will qualify for EDW – I haven’t included a cross-dresser yet…

    All power to you Jocelyn – dysfunction is just a princess gown away.


  13. Jazz Avatar

    You gotta love an all’s right with the world summer…

  14. Jill Avatar

    It looks like your family has a lot of fun. And that’s a very cool thing.

  15. mcewen Avatar

    What a good sharer you are.
    Best wishes

  16. Diana Avatar

    I can’t help but notice that Woody and Buzz are in the background of many of Niblit’s pictures. Are they the sort of ‘behind the scene’ troublemakers that might lead a young man astray?

    I also know we’ve got the same pair lurking in our daughter’s bed, along with all the bears and bunnies and Hello Kitty. When I go home, I think I’m putting an end to that and exiling the Buzz-Woody duo to the play room where the Potatohead family can keep several of their interchangeable eyes on them.

  17. Theresa Avatar

    Adorable kids! Great costumes, but you’d better keep an eye on Wee Niblet there. What an uplifting post, life at its sweetest -perfect for the end of summer.

  18. heartinsanfrancisco Avatar

    I enjoyed this so much!! Your children are adorable, and Girl looks like you. It’s harder to tell about Niblet since he’s so boyish. I hope he finds his glass slipper, and that the dragon suit had a little give to it so he didn’t outgrow it too fast, although he probably won’t need it when he’s 16.

    Wonderful pictures, and your captions had me spewing coffee like Nessie coming up from the deep. Not that Loch Ness is filled with coffee. Well, you know.

    Did it ever occur to you that sometimes English is just plain swkward? But misplaced prepositions are something up with which we cannot put. Nohow. A grammarian’s life is a difficult one, wrought with sorrow. I could have been a popular song writer had it not been for my inability to deal in double negatives.

  19. lime Avatar


    the captions are too much. i am chortling and guffawing.

    i just want to ask. did you let wee niblet know that by throwing rocks into lake superior he is only raising the level? if it floods it may be his fault you know.

    also, in addition to saving for his college education are you saving for future therapy bills when he grows up and find you have posted pics of him in a slinky red negligee on the world wide web? imagine the psychic damge the two of us could inflict on our respctive progeny if we really put our heads together.

  20. My Reflecting Pool Avatar
    My Reflecting Pool

    ahhhh, what a neat scrapbook to embarass your niblets with later!!!! What a fun and happy lot you appear in pictures to be!!! Did you say Little Debbie Zebra cakes? mmmmm.

  21. Mother of Invention Avatar
    Mother of Invention

    That was the summer that was, eh? Nice to have it documented so well with pics. Today’s kids will have tons to look at when they are older. We only have a few from our whole childhoods.

  22. Diesel Avatar

    It seems that all lakes need more rocks. I love the sultry one.

  23. Wizened Wizard Avatar
    Wizened Wizard

    Thank heavens someone is working on the Lake Superior rock dearth. I’ve often layed awake nekkid in my diaper worrying about that…

  24. Voyager Avatar

    All summers should be such. Beautiful photos.

  25. That Chick Over There Avatar
    That Chick Over There

    Christ on a bike. I laughed out loud at “Sultry”

    You SLAY me.

  26. TLP Avatar

    “But have you tried Nekkid Wid Diaper?
    Once you have, you’ll never go back”

    Wonderful. When I’m even older and have to be diapered, I’m going to steal this line.

    Great post! I enjoyed it so much!

  27. susan Avatar

    such adorable babies! And daddy is the perfect playmate

  28. Spider Girl Avatar
    Spider Girl

    This is SO sweet. And funny. 🙂

  29. Ann(ie) Avatar


    And you cracked me up as usual!!

  30. August Avatar

    So I’m four months late, but whatever.

    I never told you how much I love this post. Your Girl and Niblet and too much. They make me all mushy inside.

    And you, you get an A++ for being a wonderful mother.



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