Jocelyn Buttstrong

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35 Responses

  1. Tai says:

    Ditch weebling with a protesting crotch.
    This post is a true illumination into the woman we know as Jocelyn.

    Truly. So keep riding that bike and singing at the top of your lungs, it’s wonderful!

  2. lime says:

    hey you read my bik etrip posts this summer. youknow that i endured a single 70 mile day on the bike after everyone else had already pedalled 1000. that youonly had a short lived bout with tears and then found yourself singing (aching vajayjay and all) the rest opf the way whiel dodging bears is pretty damned impressive. i didn’t cry but i found myself thinking i had taen the athletic equivalent of a jeckell/hyde type potion and so did the others riding near me. i could tell because they began to keep long distances between us in case my head started spinning and i spat pea soup.

    the memory of my snarling self and exploding thighs salutes the singing jocelyn of benumbed hoohaws!

    and yes, terry gross woudl be proud.

  3. Hammer says:

    That sounds like one of my nightmares. glad you made it home ok. Singing works for me too.

  4. Her Grace says:

    Get a headlamp for that bike!

    Hope you’ve recovered. You’re a better woman than I.

  5. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    Oh, yikes, Jocelyn. I can’t believe you didn’t call Groom on your cell (tell me you didn’t scuttle it like ballast) in the pitch dark night to come and get you.

    You have guts and moxie as well as a very sore v-j-j.

    Since I ride a mountain bike and not one of those super-light street bikes that the folks in fancy duds use, I rarely ride more than a few miles at a time. You have put me to shame, and I hope you’re happy.

    Very glad the three little bears didn’t have a yen for Goldilocks en bicyclette.

  6. kimber the wolfgrrrl says:

    I thought I was the only person who experienced out-of-doors tears! Mostly mine come when I’m attempting to ski, because it’s so damn frustrating and I can’t move my legs right because I’ve got a pair of bloody annoying skis strapped to my feet, but yes! I understand!

    Glad you got home safe!

  7. Lisa says:

    My butt hurts just reading this. But you made it home! I admire your continuance. I would have used my cell and had someone come and get me.

  8. actonbell says:

    As usual, I thought a million things while reading this most excellent post, but don’t know where to start.
    Terry Gross definitely would have admired you. When you mentioned Avril L, I thought of how often I heard that damn song that goes “…isn’t anyone trying to find me?”
    I loved your opening! That does describe the feeling I sometimes have when early morning is actually achieved:)

  9. Jocelyn says:

    Just a little addendum:

    We aren’t really cell phone people. As in, I don’t have one with me, as a general rule. We have on that we take on road trips, and in a case of flukiness, I did have it along that night, but when I considered calling my husband to come get me, I knew it would entail him also packing up two kids at bedtime and dragging them out to look for me…

    so I sucked it up and pretended to be an adult.

    Generally speaking, though, the idea of “just using my cell” is laughable, as I never have a phone on me. We use empty tin cans linked with string to call the neighbors sometimes, though.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Okay, so the real key to this post is Alison Moyet.

    “Only You” will get a girl through anything.

    For those of you who forgot or never heard the 80s:

    Looking from the window above
    Its like a story of love.
    Can you hear me?
    Came back only yesterday,
    Moving farther away.
    Want you near me.

    All I needed was the love you gave.
    All I needed for another day
    And all I ever knew;
    Only you.


  11. Star says:

    I would have cried. Definately. I took my grandson apple picking ast weekend, and reinforced the knowledge that Nature Girl I am not.

  12. rak says:

    love that “only you” song… but I only know the cover by Joshua Radin (i think). maybe i’ll use it next time i’m in a frightful situation, alone.

    you must have been wearing your “i’m determined” pants that night… coincidence? i think not!

  13. Claire says:

    For Groomeo’s sake I hope the vajayjay healing time was swift.
    Way to ‘take it like a man’!

  14. Dorky Dad says:

    Kayaking? You went kayaking and didn’t invite ME? I LOVE kayaking. If only I could convince The Wife to get me one …

    I’ve done this before. Not in black bear-riddled rural areas but I have found myself far from home in the darkness. Kinda scary …

  15. geewits says:

    All I can say is, I’m impressed. Okay and you should probably wash your sheets more often.

  16. oreneta says:

    That Yas album is awesome…we came across it last year in a aremote spot…and enjoyed it enormously. Bicycling crotch? Not fun…

  17. choochoo says:

    I once wandered into a class on tree perservation by mistake. By the time I realized, I was trapped…

  18. Jazz says:

    Jocelyn, I love you.

    That’s all.

  19. Franki says:

    jocelyn ~ you are a brave warrior! and like the others, i can’t stop thinkin about your v-j-j.

  20. Princess Pointful says:

    I, too, have a tendency to spontaneously do something inspired with not enough forethought. Reminds me of the time I set off to go for a hike in a really large park… but walked 5km down a dirt road behind the park because I couldn’t find the entrance. When I finally got in the park, I just had to turn back and go the way I came- to find out that the entrance was unlabelled right near where I got off the train. Bah.

  21. Diesel says:

    You have a bit of a crotch fixation lately, don’t you? I’m still trying to get the image of your overstretched, um, girl parts, out of my head.

  22. Jocelyn says:


    The crotch fixation is ongoing and continuous, really. And the image of my overstretched girl parts haunts not only you but also a midwife in Southern Minnesota. Join the club.

  23. Top cat says:

    fantastic adventure worthy even of a terry gross interview.
    I can’t help but wonder if perhaps it was your singing and not your coughs that kept the bears

  24. Theresa says:

    I am crossing my legs in sympathy…I too have suffered that same type of protest, and that is one of the reasons I rarely go bike riding. Aerobics is so much better for the crotch area.

    Remind me never to visit you before March. 😉

  25. furiousBall says:

    i took a wrong turn once in the pine barrens and ended up turning a 30 mile bike ride into a 53 mile one. ergo i feel your ass pain. right here ***points at butt***

  26. AmyTree says:

    That is awesome!!! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who accidentally exercises… I once took The Dude for a ‘little walk – just up there’ that turned out to be about 5 miles through soft sand on a beach. The getting there was okay (a shipwreck to look at) but the getting back about killed us – I had to promise to absolve myself by making pancakes and bacon when we got home (hours and hours later…)

  27. My Reflecting Pool says:

    oh my goodness, oh my goodness. (said in little orphan annie fashion)

    What a nightmare dear. Glad you made it back safe and sound.

  28. Em says:

    Oh wow…I’ve been away from the blogs for a bit due to overwork and no fun, but this was a delightful tale to welcome me back. So sorry you had to endure dark riding, big trucks, and a numb private part. Certainly hope THAT is feeling better! And hope you don’t accidentally fall prey to such a long trip again anytime soon!

  29. Ann(ie) says:

    I wanted to thank you for the really sweet comment you left on my blog recently. It meant a lot to me. I’ve read enough of your blog to admire you so much and I just thank you so much, sugar.

    Happy Weekend!!

  30. Sornie says:

    I love a tale filled with crotch numbness and Marilyn Manson references. Obviously you made it home without being eaten by any bears. Cheers to that!

  31. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    Hey Jocelyn.

    Please come over and receive an award!

  32. my4kids says:

    I do love it when you write like this. To humorus! hehe. Sorry but I laughed a bit (with you of course). I don’t think I could make that ride myself though so I shouldn’t say to much, now should I?
    I sing to by the way when I am afraid or really tired like that. I revert to childhood Sunday school songs though. Makes me feel good I guess.

  33. frannie says:

    funny– my crotch is a screamer, too.

  34. Mother of Invention says:

    Biking is definitely hard on the crotch! I’m going to try those split seats protect the delicate anatomical parts! I already have a gel seat with a gel cover, but to no avail.
    The most I’ve ever done is 13 km.

  35. Glamourpuss says:

    Actually, I’m sure MM wouldn’t have minded. His preference for ‘the other place’ is pretty well documented. Your Aunty Mary would be safe with him.


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