My Funny Valentine

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39 Responses

  1. AmyTree says:

    Ahhh, I do love waking up to you! x

  2. oreneta says:

    What is it about having to go…hiding behind a bush…and EVERYONE Shows up…

  3. Casdok says:

    Beautifuly written!

  4. amymalia says:

    If you weren’t
    1. A girl
    2. Already married

    and I were
    1. Gay
    2. Also not married

    I’d ask you to marry me.

  5. chelle says:

    hehe … ten seconds can change everything!

  6. My Reflecting Pool says:

    haha! is there anything sexier than an orificial offering? Gross.

  7. Claudia says:

    Oh, dear God, I think I just blew something on my laptop, what with all the coffee dripping out of my nose. You. Are. Priceless.

    Poo. You made a poo. 😉

  8. Jazz says:

    You are insane. I love you.

  9. lime says:

    i am soooo glad i was not drinking anything while reading this.

    i shall forever have burned into my memory the image of your bare butt in the moonlight as you scrape together snowballs for use as a frozen bidet.

  10. Diana says:

    (sigh) For the loss of one so special.

    You ARE going to submit your brilliant alternate use of the common snowball to some magazine, say Reader’s Digest? I’m sure I don’t speak alone when I say that this is the sort of brilliant bit of survival skill that everyone should know. For my part, I shall pass it on to my own #1, who has found himself on his own trail run without an adequate tissue substitute more than once.

    Bless.

  11. furiousBall says:

    I’m pretty sure Wilde coined the phrase “my personal Hot Pocket” didn’t he?

    I think it was…

    “A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal and my personal Hot Pocket brings all the boys to the yard.”

  12. Maddy says:

    So many qualities – have you matched them to the Chinese Zodiac year?
    BEst wishes

  13. Theresa says:

    Ah, the injustice of it all! How could the Universe deny you such a well-deserved love story? Well, I say to the Universe “Poo to you with knobs on!” Because there were knobs on it, right? 😉

  14. liv says:

    That was terrific–do you suppose you could get writing on some collaterals for me to pass out to potential dates? I mean, because, you’ve got the savvy persuasive writing skills honed.

  15. Dory says:

    LMFAO
    That. Was. Awesome!
    Brava!

  16. Shieldmaiden96 says:

    Namaste.
    I honour your resourcefulness.
    And your balance!

    One of the unexpected perks of being a volunteer firefighter is that I have a key that opens not one but two municipal buildings in town should I ever have an emergency need. I gladly serve the community in exchange for this magnificent downtown ‘executive washroom’ key.

  17. Husband Number 2 says:

    Lookee here, I’m up to 17th position. I appreciate your restraint in not taking a photo of the real steaming chocolate heart. Give my regards to husband #1.

  18. Anette says:

    Bless you!
    The universal clock can be so cruel!

  19. pistols at dawn says:

    You know, having missed the show – but having it lovingly recapped for me here – I’ve got to say that the Hot Pocket may still have been the right choice last night.

    I mean, it had broccoli and cheese.

  20. ana says:

    OMG this was absolutely beautiful. It’s true a minute can change a life 🙂

  21. Wendy says:

    Remind me to always look down when walking in the woods.

    You have forever changed the meaning of “steaming chocolate.”

    Thanks.

  22. flutter says:

    or “my future ex”?

  23. Glamourpuss says:

    From now on, when someone asks me a no-brainer, I shall reply ‘Does Joecelyn shit in the woods?’

    Puss

  24. Tai says:

    Question: “Was that to damned funny?”

    Answer: “Does a Jocelyn shit in the woods?”

  25. Claire says:

    OMG, you kill me. Who else could talk about dumping in such a humorous fashion? Jeebus, Does Jocelyn shit in the woods? Why yes, son, she does and you would too cuz when ya gotta go, ya gotta go. But please don’t reference chocolate and poop together in the same post ever again!

  26. Mother of Invention says:

    What a hoot! My husband can relate as he had to squat by a tree in the middle of Central Park during a 10km road race once!

  27. dmarks says:

    How big of snow-tires do you need for biking in Duluth this time of year.

  28. citizen of the world says:

    Okay, this was very, very funny as always…but it conjures up an image I just do NOT need in my head!

    (And the first two letters in my word verification are bm!)

  29. Franki says:

    Jocelyn, I really, really hate poo and would rather gouge my eyeballs out with a rusty nail than to take a poo outside, but I still love you.

    You really, really should watch THIS.

  30. Minnesota Matron says:

    Indeed. I had husband number 2 picked out. I know his name. He’s a friend! But recently husband 2 is paling in comparison to the real deal. A photo revealed Age and Significant Weight Gain. Hmmm. I am in the market for a younger model, one of taut tummy and yes, those biker thighs.

  31. Hammer says:

    Wow. I would have totally stopped and offered a tissue. I’m good like that.

  32. my4kids says:

    OMG you are too funny! too funny…

  33. Dorky Dad says:

    Mmm … poop in the woods and Hot Pockets. I’m glad I read this before eating.

  34. Calamity Jane says:

    Heavens to Betsy! Thank goodness it had been snowing, birch bark is a bit rough on the ol’ derriere. Husband No. 2 – snigger.

  35. liv says:

    you haven’t popped in on me, but you won the giveaway at madness, madness i say! email me!

  36. actonbell says:

    *clapclapclap* Bravo! I enjoyed that immensely. And I’ve missed a lot in the past two weeks…
    It’s a good thing you were in the woods with those runnner’s trots:) We’re in suburbia, with nowhere to GO.

  37. Princess Pointful says:

    I demand you post this as a missed connection on Craigslist.

  38. Endora says:

    Bravo! A veritable tour de force!

  39. Spider Girl says:

    *sniff sniff* So tragic. Ships passing in the night. Sigh. How almost romantic.

    And Jocelyn, yours is the only Valentine story I ever read this or any other year that mentioned poo. Bless you. 🙂

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