Ashen, Ashen, I Bawl and Fall Down

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24 Responses

  1. lime says:

    oh lawsie mercy, i am well acquainted with childbirth through carpentry…as well as what joy these wacky sons bring to our lives. email me sometime and ask about sled dogs…

  2. flutter says:

    my uterus is not accepting new occupants purely because of this post

  3. jess says:

    Why can’t I have one?? I want mind-numbing pain and groans of agony! I could take it!

  4. cathy says:

    I have sensitive little tootsies and a good imagination, which combined with your powers of description adds up to real pain.
    Thank God (and niblet) for soothing banana moons!

  5. Lone Grey Squirrel says:

    Great post. You explained childbirth in terms that I can understand. What an achievement? Perhaps you could also tell me what “suffering succotash” means? I have always wanted to know but Sylvester never explained……that silly puddy tat.

  6. Jeni says:

    Sounds vaguely reminiscent of the reasons I rarely ventured into what was my son’s room back in the 80s, early 90s. Never knew what one’s foot might just encounter there. Now, I deal with much the same plight only it’s all usually scattered all around the living room floor. I’m kid of set in my ways -forgetful in that I don’t usually look down while walking around the house and therefore, the myriad of crayons on the floor often cause me to feel the balance going out of me. The sounds of crunching type noises emanate frequently as little cars, tiny airplance and oodles of itsy-bitsy Bratz and Barbie doll paraphenalia lose out in the battle with the foot of one over 200 pound old grandma.
    Oh, and I curse a lot then too!

  7. Pam says:

    Oooo,lovely as they are, children are a health hazard! A teacher friend had on-going knee problems after her knee ground agonisingly into some lego on the floor.Myself,after my daughter’s ball connected with and dislodged a cactus off an outdoor shelf, a tooth-pick-like cactus spike lodged in my heel.It was reluctant to “give” even as my husband tried to dislodge it with pliers in the “I am not reshoeing this horse- it just looks like it” position.I disallow toothpick cacti within a fifty mile radius from now on!Even the look of a toothpick gives me the shudders!My teeth are close together so it’s a big sacrifice – but hey,you know, we do it for the kids!

  8. Kylie w Warszawie says:

    You know how weird this is right? My Piglet turned 6 yesterday. (And your tribute was just SO much better than mine…I don’t do mushy well, and it shows).

    Happy birthday dear Niblet! We definitely have to meet sometime! Are you planning on making a trip to Poland anytime soon?

    In Warsaw we have a dirty mucky river and communist architecture. Do you think they’ll hire me for the tourism board?

  9. Bethany/Her Grace says:

    The fact that you not only referenced Little House on the Prairie and Sanford and Son, and made me weepy with those last two lines is further evidence that I was born to love you.

    My older daughter is turning six on Tuesday, so I’m right there with you.

  10. Glamourpuss says:

    Ah, I see what you did there; turning that horrific, foot-stabbing incident into a silver lining; clever. But I still hope he got a clip around the ear for leaving it there.


  11. Jazz says:

    Another beautiful post. Almost enough to make me want a kid.


  12. Shania says:

    What a lovely tribute to your boy!

  13. kmkat says:

    Childbirth by carpentry; I remember it well. I also remember stepping on Legos until I swore that whenever I cleaned, someone followed me around with a basketful of them, scattering them like flower petals before a bride.

    Your sword in the foot was much worse.

  14. chelle says:

    awww Happy birthday to your little guy!!!

    hmm I was thinking of calling to get a volunteer doula …

    ouch on the foot, that is evil!

  15. furiousBall says:

    that was sweet.

    did you know that professional wrestler Abdullah the Butcher, got his name from his very own doula? She had washboard abs from constantly doing sit-ups. hence, Ab-doula -> Abdullah

    seriously… it's science. by scientists.

  16. velvet says:

    Hahahaha! This is wonderful on so many levels. I must say that you have a totally unique and wonderful manling there.

  17. rak says:

    awesome post and awesome picture! yes, carpentry will do the trick for those big ones 🙂 i just had my six week checkup and doc looked at my incision line with much pride at how straight he made it 🙂 yeah, nice work doc.

  18. Jill says:

    And I thought Lego bricks were dangerous for bare feet. Now I’m thinking tiny swords are worse.

    Happy Birthday to Niblet. 6 years goes by sooo fast.

  19. Chantal says:

    Your good! Way to turn that one around.

  20. pistols at dawn says:

    Jiggly crystals? This sounds like fun for the whole family. Particularly the fathers on business trips.

  21. phd in yogurtry says:

    What an amazingly sweet and hilarious post. Happy Birthday Niblet.

  22. Minnesota Matron says:

    I can’t get over the ring!! Ouch, ouch, ouch. Stryker’s shoulder got caught on my pelvic bone while his head was out. I could NOT push him out and he started turning blue. A substantial nurse said “Sorry, honey” to me, straddled me, and dropped her body on TOP of my uterus, sending Stryker shooting out.

    Later I said to John — “Did I scream? That really hurt.”

    John said the sound reverberated throughout the earth.

  23. citizen of the world says:

    They are worth every ounce oain. But I still vastly preferred the natural childbirth pain I went through with one to the C-section pain of the other.

  24. monica says:

    Oh I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, all taken in by your words, and totally agreeing with you. Even when they are teenagers they manage to make you realise – in between the “I hate you”s and “You never understand me”s – that you wouldn’t want to be without them, ever!!

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