Category: Niblet

Kindergarten Sous Chef 20

Kindergarten Sous Chef

If I do no other good in this life, at least I have had a part in creating this one: He didn’t want to speak because the onion fumes irritated his mouth–this in addition to his eyes and nose, but he didn’t have a “gaping maw” goggle on hand. Since...

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Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in a Bitchslap Fight Outside the Bar When That Skank Burned My Wrist with Her Cigarette 23

Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in a Bitchslap Fight Outside the Bar When That Skank Burned My Wrist with Her Cigarette

Remember that precious Robert Fulghum book from a few years back–the one where he listed all the things he learned in kindergarten and then showed how they had carried him in good stead throughout life? In a folksy and fuzzy approach, he made millions by writing nonsense like “Play fair”...

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Ashen, Ashen, I Bawl and Fall Down 24

Ashen, Ashen, I Bawl and Fall Down

For the event of Niblet’s birth, we bartered for the services of a local doula (if you can’t buy the time of a lesbian who works at the Environmental Protection Agency for the price of a gallon bag of frozen pesto and a six-course feast including hand-made butternut ravioli…then it’s...

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Benchmarks 32

Benchmarks

School pictures came home last week, toted in backpacks jumbled with Boxcar Children books, broken pencils, water bottles, and gym shoes. The kids are proud and excited about the photos; usually, I fake an interest on their behalf. However, I find I’m turning a corner, when it comes to my...

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If These Photos Represent a Mere Ten Seconds of My Day, How Could I Possibly Find More Hours For Blogging? 16

If These Photos Represent a Mere Ten Seconds of My Day, How Could I Possibly Find More Hours For Blogging?

I don’t mean to post all the time about mein Wee Niblet, but, hand to heaven, he continually provides a mind-boggling amount of fodder. For example, we have a deal in the household, when the kids are due for haircuts, that they can go sit in a stylist’s chair somewhere...

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Preschooler Oysters 34

Preschooler Oysters

  You know how it’s important for a parent to mess with her kid, just to make sure he’s ready for the Whac-A-Mole game that is middle school? I do; therefore, I view every day as a “mess-’em-up-early-and-hard” opportunity. Case in point: While the Wee Niblet still has affection for...

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Ouchie-ooh-la-loobie-ding-dat 28

Ouchie-ooh-la-loobie-ding-dat

  After a particularly hardcore session of Webkinz, during which he mined for precious gems, tackled fairies in the Charm Forest, and added a new trellis to his platypus’ yard, Wee Niblet stood up and staggered away from the computer. Leaning uncomfortably against the bed, he groused, “My legs fell...

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The Twelve-Inch Scar 48

The Twelve-Inch Scar

  Five years ago, on January 17th, I made one of my students vomit. I hadn’t even assigned “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner,” either. Rather than yacking up her lunch as a reaction to Coleridge’s opium-induced writings, she barfed out of affection and empathy. See, this student came from...

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When I Was Young and Full of Grace 32

When I Was Young and Full of Grace

I believe, when my aunt labeled the Wee Niblet “irrepressible,” that she saved me at least twenty-three minutes of racking my brain to find the most apropos adjective for the little nutter. Indeed, without her astute assessment of him, I might have thoughtlessly described the lad as merely “zestful” or...

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Harvest Recipe 35

Harvest Recipe

Take one locally-grown 4-year-old bubbie: Mix in a little Mo Willems’ KNUFFLE BUNNY: Shake vigorously. Months later, after ripening and fermentation, when the wee bubbie subsequently suggests making a “gravetomb” (preschooler speak for “tombstone”) to decorate the yard for Halloween, gently fold in the question, “What shall we paint on...

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