Harvest Recipe

Take one locally-grown 4-year-old bubbie:

Mix in a little Mo Willems’ KNUFFLE BUNNY:

Shake vigorously.

Months later, after ripening and fermentation, when the wee bubbie subsequently suggests making a “gravetomb” (preschooler speak for “tombstone”) to decorate the yard for Halloween, gently fold in the question, “What shall we paint on it? R.I.P?”

He will figure out, with scant 1/4 cupful dollops of explanation, what the R., the I., and the P. stand for, ultimately decreeing, “No, I don’t care if the people under the ground are left in their peaces. I know what we need to paint on it.”

With that, his half-baked idea will hit the jar:


So for all of y’all who leave your porn propped open on the Fisher Price Rescue Hero Command Station, knock it off. Kids pick up what’s in the reading materials. They internalize it. They paint it on their gravetombs.

And wouldn’t it be a shame, this fine All Hallow’s Eve, to have the neighborhood reading on your yard’s gravetomb that “Hot sluts do it sideways”? Even telling passers-by, “Heck, my kid suggested it” won’t keep you from being regarded as the local Larry Flynt.

Keep it clean this Halloween, my dear ghoulfriends. Keep it clean.





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35 responses to “Harvest Recipe”

  1. lime Avatar

    hhhmmm, so i should also hide the testily worded letters to yahoo which has locked me out of my email account and my health insurance company which i swear is run by monkeys banging on typewriters?

  2. Dr Em Avatar
    Dr Em

    nice rescue heroes reference

  3. my4kids Avatar

    I like the Aglle Faggel Snurp too cute. little kids come up with funny things don’t they?

  4. my4kids Avatar

    Come on over I left you and award on my blog.

  5. kimber the wolfgrrrl Avatar
    kimber the wolfgrrrl

    Hey! I want that on my tombstone!

  6. geewits Avatar

    A great big “A” for originality!

  7. Her Grace Avatar
    Her Grace

    Too. Freaking. Adorable. I knew I like Mo Willems, but that 4-year-old Bubbie’s got something special.

    If you do decide to move into my site, I promise to keep the porn out of reach.

  8. Scarlet Avatar

    Great tombstone! Even the colors are perfect. It’s 8am and I have the pumpkin-scented candles on already. Sunday’s are good.

  9. actonbell Avatar

    “No, I don’t care if the people under the ground are left in their peaces”

    LOL! This is precious:) He is so adorable:)

    What a coincidence about the shoes, too!

  10. Top cat Avatar
    Top cat

    LMAO what a great and funny post, I love reading about yer young-uns.

  11. Theresa Avatar

    That is the best tombstone I’ve ever seen, I mean who wants the same old boring R.I.P.?

  12. TLP Avatar

    LOL. Love the gravetomb.

    The post below is a masterpiece. Or a Mrs. Peace. I enjoyed it a great deal anyway.

  13. Maddy Avatar

    I thought I was doing well buying some from Target – home made is oh so much better.

  14. Shari Avatar

    Cute. I know I sure wish I started blogging a long time ago so I can record the things kids do. 🙂

  15. Hammer Avatar

    Kids are a great source of funny material 🙂

  16. Dorky Dad Avatar
    Dorky Dad

    That is EXACTLY what I want written on my gravestone. Exactly.

    I love Mo Willems’ books. They’re fantastic.

  17. SQT Avatar

    That is so cute. I’d love to see the neighbors shake their heads and wonder what the heck that means. But indeed, it is much better than something like, “save a cow, eat a vegan.”

  18. AmyTree Avatar

    That’s adorable… has he made the acquaintance of Mo Willems’ Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus? Or perhaps the literary genius that is Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog? It’s required reading in my house and we’re all well over the recommended reading age…(I see there is a new one!! Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late… note to self, Christmas is right around the corner…)

  19. Spider Girl Avatar
    Spider Girl

    Every time i walk through a cemetery I’m still hoping to read a tombstone that reads:

    “I am NOT a hypochrondriac!”

  20. Maddy Avatar

    Aha ! No email address – Just remembered what that book was called = ‘Grave Humor’ and ‘a little bit of grave humor’ both by Fritz Spiegl.

  21. Franki Avatar

    You guys are so charming…can I come live with you?

    I’ll bring my kids. They’ll have a ball!

  22. Diana Avatar

    We loves us some Knuffle Bunny, yes we do. We also must read those two pages 20 times each time we read the book, until we are both falling out of the chair. Lived we closer, you’d find that brilliant gravetomb mysteriously transplanted into our yard.

    Lucky for you it’s too long a drive.

  23. Tai Avatar

    I’m hoping I can convince friends and family to put something like, “She’s on her last great adventure” on my gravetomb.
    But A.F.S. would do nicely!

  24. BeachMama Avatar

    I love your tombstone, it is perfect. And Rescue Heros, too funny.

  25. My Reflecting Pool Avatar
    My Reflecting Pool

    so, was this a drowning victim? heheee! He is a funny bubbie!

  26. heartinsanfrancisco Avatar

    What does “Aggle Flaggle Snurp” mean?

    I am so deprived when I just wanna be more depraved.

    Seriously, aggle flaggle snurp?!!

    Nobody tells me ANYTHING.

  27. urban-urchin Avatar

    awww- that’s really cute tombstone.
    i love that book. and the don’t let the pidgeon series too.

    the guy up the street has super scary decorations out- it really freaks out my little boy, poor thing.

  28. Stepping Over the Junk Avatar
    Stepping Over the Junk

    I worry about Halloween and what it does to people. Tee hee!

  29. Voyager Avatar

    I saw another halloween gravetomb with a great epitaph. It said: I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK. Yours is better though.

  30. Diesel Avatar

    I’d like to think of myself as more of a regional Larry Flynt.

  31. choochoo Avatar

    I’m locking the door and keeping all the candy for myself, I am. Buahahahaha.

  32. frannie Avatar

    love it!

  33. chelle Avatar

    Too cute!
    We just read Knuffle Bunny too from the library! Mo WIlliams is great!

  34. Princess Pointful Avatar
    Princess Pointful

    At least you know where the idea came from!

  35. Glamourpuss Avatar

    Personally, I think Aggle Flaggle Snurp sounds positively obscene. Painful, too.


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