Harvest Recipe

Take one locally-grown 4-year-old bubbie:


Mix in a little Mo Willems’ KNUFFLE BUNNY:




Shake vigorously.

Months later, after ripening and fermentation, when the wee bubbie subsequently suggests making a “gravetomb” (preschooler speak for “tombstone”) to decorate the yard for Halloween, gently fold in the question, “What shall we paint on it? R.I.P?”

He will figure out, with scant 1/4 cupful dollops of explanation, what the R., the I., and the P. stand for, ultimately decreeing, “No, I don’t care if the people under the ground are left in their peaces. I know what we need to paint on it.”

With that, his half-baked idea will hit the jar:


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So for all of y’all who leave your porn propped open on the Fisher Price Rescue Hero Command Station, knock it off. Kids pick up what’s in the reading materials. They internalize it. They paint it on their gravetombs.

And wouldn’t it be a shame, this fine All Hallow’s Eve, to have the neighborhood reading on your yard’s gravetomb that “Hot sluts do it sideways”? Even telling passers-by, “Heck, my kid suggested it” won’t keep you from being regarded as the local Larry Flynt.

Keep it clean this Halloween, my dear ghoulfriends. Keep it clean.

If you care to share, click a square:

Comments

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Published by Jocelyn

There's this game put out by the American Girl company called "300 Wishes"--I really like playing it because then I get to marvel, "Wow, it's like I'm a real live American girl who has 300 wishes, and that doesn't suck, especially compared to being a dead one with none."

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35 Comments

  1. hhhmmm, so i should also hide the testily worded letters to yahoo which has locked me out of my email account and my health insurance company which i swear is run by monkeys banging on typewriters?

  2. Too. Freaking. Adorable. I knew I like Mo Willems, but that 4-year-old Bubbie’s got something special.

    If you do decide to move into my site, I promise to keep the porn out of reach.

  3. Great tombstone! Even the colors are perfect. It’s 8am and I have the pumpkin-scented candles on already. Sunday’s are good.

  4. “No, I don’t care if the people under the ground are left in their peaces”

    LOL! This is precious:) He is so adorable:)

    What a coincidence about the shoes, too!

  5. LOL. Love the gravetomb.

    The post below is a masterpiece. Or a Mrs. Peace. I enjoyed it a great deal anyway.

  6. That is EXACTLY what I want written on my gravestone. Exactly.

    I love Mo Willems’ books. They’re fantastic.

  7. That is so cute. I’d love to see the neighbors shake their heads and wonder what the heck that means. But indeed, it is much better than something like, “save a cow, eat a vegan.”

  8. That’s adorable… has he made the acquaintance of Mo Willems’ Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus? Or perhaps the literary genius that is Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog? It’s required reading in my house and we’re all well over the recommended reading age…(I see there is a new one!! Don’t Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late… note to self, Christmas is right around the corner…)

  9. Every time i walk through a cemetery I’m still hoping to read a tombstone that reads:

    “I am NOT a hypochrondriac!”

  10. Aha ! No email address – Just remembered what that book was called = ‘Grave Humor’ and ‘a little bit of grave humor’ both by Fritz Spiegl.
    Cheers

  11. We loves us some Knuffle Bunny, yes we do. We also must read those two pages 20 times each time we read the book, until we are both falling out of the chair. Lived we closer, you’d find that brilliant gravetomb mysteriously transplanted into our yard.

    Lucky for you it’s too long a drive.

  12. LOL!
    I’m hoping I can convince friends and family to put something like, “She’s on her last great adventure” on my gravetomb.
    But A.F.S. would do nicely!

  13. What does “Aggle Flaggle Snurp” mean?

    I am so deprived when I just wanna be more depraved.

    Seriously, aggle flaggle snurp?!!

    Nobody tells me ANYTHING.

  14. awww- that’s really cute tombstone.
    i love that book. and the don’t let the pidgeon series too.

    the guy up the street has super scary decorations out- it really freaks out my little boy, poor thing.

  15. I saw another halloween gravetomb with a great epitaph. It said: I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK. Yours is better though.
    V.

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