Underneath the Driver’s Seat of the Mini-Van

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25 Responses

  1. Shania says:

    Wow. What a coincidence! I too keep shriveled and woebegone exes under the bed. It’s close enough to under the car seat to count.

  2. kmkat says:

    Poor Groomeo. Excellent plan about the ballet, though.

  3. ArtSparker says:

    Makes me want to quote Dorothy Parker:
    Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
    A medley of extemporanea,
    And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
    And I am Marie of Rumania.

  4. Pam says:

    Duh…why didn’t I remember Duluth was in Minnesota – I’ve been to Minnesota in my twenties! Delighted by the snow there,but then I didn’t have to shovel it. Thank you so much for your beautiful comment on my blog – it meant a lot. This was an excellent post about many things.Was wondering how Groomeo was going – continuing wishes for good luck with everything, including enjoying that handy inheritance at last.xx

  5. Kylie w Warszawie says:

    Spring Break for us actually falls in April, the week after Easter. Which makes SO MUCH more sense than Spring break when it isn’t even technically spring yet!

    I enjoy random capItaliZation. Thank YoU for aSking.

  6. Shieldmaiden96 says:

    I promise I was paying close attention to the post at hand and that I’ll comment again about the post later on, like, when I finish reading it, but I was completely derailed by the Joseph picture. Is that Joan Collins as Potiphar’s wife?

  7. Jazz says:

    5) you don’t need a smoking jacket with the chaise. Since you’re a GIRL (as evidenced by the bad chick lit) you get to wear a marabou trimmed dressing gown and mules and lounge around eating bonbons. Course, that’d sorta defeat the purpose of your food diary, but the chaise is worth that sacrifice.

  8. furiousBall says:

    “His Groomishness actually couldn’t do Cobra because of his crazy man hump.”

    i struggle with this too. folks will say, “oh just do the Silence of the Lambs tuck”… nay, nay i say – you do not know the power of the my humps. my humps. my crazy manly humps.

  9. the cubicle's backporch says:

    I didn’t know Candace Bushnell had another book out. Have you read “Trading Up”? That was a good one.

    It does seem sort of “Look how successful” I am for her to have a character who moves to the city b/c of Sex and the City.

  10. Pearl says:

    Now how did I get by without reading you???

    You are so funny. We should be friends. 🙂

    Love your writing. I’ll be back!


    p.s. I was born in Duluth. Wheeeee!

  11. Becky Cazares says:

    Oooh, I haven’t finished reading yet (had to take a breathing break from the LOL parts!), but had to note that I’ve started listening to books on CD, too, whenever I’m in the car. Beats talk radio and tends to keep my brain “school-ready” a bit better than anything else has. Tend to miss chunks while daydreaming or dodging pedestrians, but most of it does sink in. Haven’t done fiction yet, just Economics-related stuff so far.

  12. citizen of the world says:

    “any itch that plagues you during Spring Break is overshadowed by the lower back pain from shoveling.”

    That’s the good news about about living in Minnesota?? Yeesh.

    And I believe Paula is missing more than her contacts.

  13. chelle says:

    egads the crazy man hump (I just wanted to type that) prevented him from the cobra!>>??

    What a spring break you are having!

  14. Minnesota Matron says:

    Your comment on my blog made me want to throw a few punches. I know how you’re feeling tonight. XO XO Mary

  15. Jeni says:

    OMG, girl! You had me chuckling from beginning to end of this post. I loved the “Vasectomies Gone Wild” reference followed by his maybe never being able to have ’em hang the same way again. Just too darned funny and I’m sorry that I’m laughing this much at his misfortune but gee, sometimes the only way to recover from something is to make fun of it too, ya know!

    Now, that chaise -if you got one of ’em, then groomeo could wear the smoking jacket, have the came and a monocle too and look completely at home in a scenario like that. Provided of course that he has a veddy, veddy British accent.

  16. flutter says:

    crap, I just dropped my contact!

  17. Midlife Jobhunter says:

    Perfect post for a Saturday afternoon group of giggles, if I may be alliterate. I used to let my dog into the van to eat up all the “extras” left by my kids. Have to say, even the dog kept his distance in later years when it started smelling like a locker room. And I loved Hatchet! Read it to each boy.

  18. Fragrant Liar says:

    Poor Groomeo’s testes. I just can’t even imagine the discomfort you must be feeling about not getting any until the egglet has deflated. Oh, and I’m sorry Groom’s having to experience it too.

    You have been very busy this week. What’s it going to be like next week when the kids are on spring break? Hmmm?

    I like the sweater coats too, but they stretch out where my butt sits on them, and that’s just not attractive — Oh, oh, oh! Wait! Don’t anybody move! I’ve lost a contact!

  19. yinyang says:

    Judging from this post, people (and objects) would be better off if they wore glasses instead of contacts.

  20. Teresa says:

    His vasectomy…your ringworm…all in one post. I gotta say, it gives me the squeams. Speaking of which, do you ever hear from Diana of Piffle anymore? She was good at sqeamish scenarios from the Dr.’s office. I suppose though, I could email her.

  21. lime says:

    don’t all exes deserve to be kept shriveled and under a car seat along with some kid snacks that have grown hair?

    i am thinking the sweater coat is a whole lot better a fashion statement than the snuggie and would be easier than the way i shuffle around with my favorite wool blanket.

    oh and let’s compare itchy bits….”i’ve got a lovely bunch of eczema…here is it all creeping up my leg”….sing it with me….

  22. movin' down the road says:

    I know the words to every single “Joseph” song. Just so you know. I was in the play when I was in school. AND I saw it with David Cassidy’s brother on stage in Boston a few years ago. HAWT

  23. heartinsanfrancisco says:

    I’m kind of blown away by the nerviness of Candace Bushnell, too. There must be a word for that particular kind of egomania.

    So sorry that Groom is still suffering. The gift that keeps on giving… but hope you guys enjoy your Spring Break anyway. It’s encouraging to hear of someone with money flowing IN, for a change. You always were a terrific role model.

    I hope you find your contacts soon.

  24. Prefers Her Fantasy Life says:

    I agree with Pearl–you’re one funny writer. And you like My Wilco!!! Tell me you’re a beer drinker, too.


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