-
No More Hustle: All Flow
The research papers were graded; the discussion posts logged. The nine day slow-motion swoon of goodbyes and “short visits” was drawing to a close. In the fridge, the crisper drawers had been emptied and washed out. At midnight, the windowsills received a vacuuming. Blessedly, the kids had sleepovers at friends’ houses, so we’d been…
-
Clearly, Every Applicant Underwent a Criminal Background Check
Imagine you are a renter, entering our house this Sunday on Move-In Day, acquiver over the fact that you get to live for the next year in a house with stainless steel in the kitchen, a playset for the kids out back, and a jacuzzi tub upstairs. You might not even care that you’re…
-
I Only Know He’s Human Because Sometimes He Smells
My husband and I have a dynamic in our marriage predicated on his innate superiority and my unwillingness to be fazed by it. Since I’m someone whose self-esteem can be shaken by a student commenting casually, “You sure have been an interesting teacher” (What the hell does “interesting” mean? Did no one ever teach you to…
-
Imagine the Bounties Each Bra Cup Can Cradle
Should you be having a tough day, I open with a photo aimed at making you feel better about your own life: Our master bedroom looks like the inside of Mel Gibson’s brain: unconnected piles of crap that somehow synergize into a vastly unattractive view. Despite the disarray of our most intimate room, we’re…
-
When You Have Several Thousand Free Hours in Front of You, Movies Seem Suddenly More Magical
Although Paco maintains this week, when he is FORCED every day to attend the YMCA camp called “Kitchigami,” that “Camp is boring. Camp is boring. I hate camp. Camp is boring. Who wants to swim five days in a row? We had to canoe, and the other kid didn’t do anything, so I couldn’t make…
-
The More Observant Among You Will Have Noticed My Heavy Reliance on the Pictoral Post in Recent Weeks, and Shut Up Already That I’m Essentially Phoning in My Blogging Life Because I’m Teaching Summer Classes at the Same Time I’m Computing How Many Pairs of Underwear Can Fit Into a Compression Sack
I promise I’m not complaining. The truth is, the kids are off at daycamp this week, which magically opens up the daytime hours for Groom and me to hustle around the house, throw bedding into plastic bags, and disassemble bed frames, all while staring at a pile of caribiners mixed with agates and Yu-Gi-Oh…
-
I Never Saw Harry Potter Slow Down Long Enough to Read a Book, Not Incidentally
“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?” Jane Austen Waiting for a break in the conversation, the impatient ten-year-old saw his chance. The two mothers had slowed their discussion of preschools just long enough for him to break in and change the topic…
-
We Haven’t Packed the Whiteboard Yet
…which means we still have a Question of the Day. Recently, I posed this one: “If you had a ball, a slinky, a marble, a pancake, and a fuzzy slipper, what would you invent with them?” My response was: “an extremely difficult obstacle course for Polly Pockets” Our Girl’s response was “a very bouncy,…
-
Daily Views
Regular life mixes with preparation for change. We have friends over, write commitments on the calendar, and pack boxes in anticipation of time away. Yesterday, tired of not being able to unlock or start up our one remaining vehicle without cursing and burying a crock of cabbage in the back yard under a full…
-
You Know How On Extreme Makeover They Drive the Bus Away for the ‘Big Reveal’? This Is Kind of Like That, Only Nobody Gets a Jungle Theme in the Living Room
The kids raced away from the school bus on the final day of the school year, sweat and excitement mixed on their faces. Breathlessly, Paco reported, “Al the Bus Driver is so nice. We’re the last kids off today, so he gave us each TWO suckers to celebrate the last day!” Just then, Al…
