The Ultimate Splinter

12 Responses

  1. Deborah says:

    Oh my lord, Jocelyn – what a hell of a story! Made me hoot, all while my eyes were nearly squeezed shut at that image. Poor but BRAVE Allegra.
    Furthermore, you have those 2 essentials for a writer: an observer’s eye, and an elephant’s memory. The sense of humour doesn’t hurt, either. Thanks for kicking me into high gear on a grey So of Fr morning.

  2. Maria says:

    I must now admit something very unfriendlike. I sat laughing like a hyena through this entire piece and at the same time thanking my lucky stars that this never happened to Liv when she wore braces. Because she is very much like your little chicabell. I wonder if it’s a colic thing? Liv had colic too. Even though I am a medical professional, I was convinced that she was possessed sometimes. I would sit holding her whilst she screamed so loudly and profoundly that sometimes she would stop and gasp for breath and I would start panting FOR her, terrified.

    And how wonderful of you to stand by and keep rubbing her back. I LOVED the line where you compared it to hooking your first boyfriend. In fact, I burst out laughing and startled the dog out of a sound sleep.

  3. jenny_o says:

    Alternating between grimacing and grinning here. Your girl has grit to spare; she’s going to be all right 🙂

  4. alexandra says:

    You must know how I LOVE to laugh, chortle, guffaw, and slap my thigh.

    You filled me with mirth with this one, Jocelyn.

    My endorphins, thanks to you, my friend, THROUGH THE ROOF. (I’ve got one of these kiddos too. His name is Xavier and he is a delicate flower. I have discouraged his interest in medicine accordingly)

  5. pia says:

    Oh my. Why? Why can I endlessly read about your children–though I make sure I’m not eating or drinking anything nor anything that might break. I can get crazed when laughing.

    Allegra’s so right about real pain

  6. MsD says:

    My favorite (ok that’s a misnomer) similar medical catastrophe averted occurred when my 13 year old, just as we were leaving on a four and a half hour drive for a family funeral, ingested a soda can,pop top which she had put into the can as she opened it. Quick trip to the doc and, spoiler alert, forty eight hour poop watch, which cruel mother that I am, I made HER perform. She lived, and now she’s tough as, well, aluminum!

  7. Leigh Ann says:

    I’ve had this open in a tab for DAYS waiting until I had the patience and the concentration to read it. I’m so glad I did.

  8. Bijoux says:

    I was not able to handle this post, once I saw the photo and realized what happened. Neither can I put a simple post into someone with pierced ears. I also skipped all ER visits with my kids.

    That said, I did natural childbirth three times . . . all because I hate needles!

  9. Green Girl in Wisconsin says:

    Oh my. You have such skill with words and parenting and humor. Thank you for always entertaining.

  10. Meg says:

    Lordy-loo. What great tale-telling! No picture? Or not authorized to publish it? Surely you had a cell phone camera jammed in there! I’m quite impressed with Ms. A’s analysis of the situation. Astute, that one. Maybe it comes with the colic – my eldest was a screamer, too.

  11. Okay, to be perfectly honest I had to stop reading when I got to the tongue injury. I’m still shuddering.

  1. March 6, 2015

    […] The Ultimate Splinter. (Gorgeous piece of writing by one of my new favorite blogs.) […]

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *