Turns Out Eli Manning’s Not the Problem

15 Responses

  1. someday we’re going to meet IRL, then we’ll drink some wine and I’ll declare for you (whilst looking deep in your eyes) my undying love and devotion to you, J. That mind of yours. It cycles in strange and wonderful patterns of logic.

    (Did I see that right–did they toss down a plastic sack of Nerf bullets to Omar? So confused…)

  2. kmkat says:

    You are a genius. And a fellow Chipotle lover.

  3. lime says:

    i’m with ya on football. and wow, am i out of touch as i did not know dentists were now buying halloween candy and mailing it to soldiers. that is odd indeed. but here i thought honey boo boo was what’s wrong with america.

  4. Lil says:

    With you on the football. And the weirdness that is Halloween. There are so many things wrong with America, and with Canada too.

  5. Personally, I’m a fan of the whole Halloween candy thing. Because I love the little candy bars.

    BUT. Football. No. Don’t like it, and don’t understand how people can let their happiness ride on how other people play a freaking game. From an Noam Chomsky interview (“Manufacturing Consent”):

    “Take, say, sports — that’s another crucial example of the indoctrination system, in my view. For one thing because it — you know, it offers people something to pay attention to that’s of no importance. [audience laughs] That keeps them from worrying about — [applause] keeps them from worrying about things that matter to their lives that they might have some idea of doing something about. And in fact it’s striking to see the intelligence that’s used by ordinary people in [discussions of] sports [as opposed to political and social issues]. I mean, you listen to radio stations where people call in — they have the most exotic information [more laughter] and understanding about all kind of arcane issues. And the press undoubtedly does a lot with this.

    You know, I remember in high school, already I was pretty old. I suddenly asked myself at one point, why do I care if my high school team wins the football game? [laughter] I mean, I don’t know anybody on the team, you know? [audience roars] I mean, they have nothing to do with me, I mean, why I am cheering for my team? It doesn’t mean any — it doesn’t make sense. But the point is, it does make sense: it’s a way of building up irrational attitudes of submission to authority, and group cohesion behind leadership elements — in fact, it’s training in irrational jingoism. That’s also a feature of competitive sports. I think if you look closely at these things, I think, typically, they do have functions, and that’s why energy is devoted to supporting them and creating a basis for them and advertisers are willing to pay for them and so on.”

  6. chlost says:

    Football, candy and disgusting couples. A wonderful summary of what’s wrong with America. Someone had to say it. And you did-beautifully.
    I will look forward to receiving that package. Thanks!

  7. See, this is what a person needs to read after an election.

    Thank you for introducing me to Omar, whose cheekbones I believe I could pitch a tent under and never get wet. Or, real wet.

    Speaking of packages, yours got lost in the mail, so instead I’ll send you my old piece on Mackenzie Phillips.

  8. Maria says:

    Ok, first…football is fun, particularly Cornhusker football. This is a fact and not up for discussion.

    Secondly, I agree with you about Halloween. But, I like the history behind it: the fact that people dressed up to disguise themselves from ghosts, witches and ghouls because it was All Hallow’s Eve. How children got involved in this sort of stumps me. And candy. It’s sort of an American thing, like when we eat turkey, stuffin, that green bean casserole on Thanksgiving and pretend like our ancestors did too. And actually, it is celebrated on the wrong day. Most historians believe that the first “thanksgiving” was celebrated in April. But, what the hell. We’re Amuricans. We do whatever the hell suits us.

    I chose to ignore most rules too, that don’t suit me. For example: I know grammar and word usage. I KNOW that to lie is to recline and to lay is to put or place. I also know that the present tense of lie is lie or lying and that the present tense of lay is lay or laying. And that the past tense of lie is lay and the past tense of lay is laid. And of course, silly, the past participle tense of lie is to have lain, had lain or has lain. And that the past participle tense of lay is to have laid, has laid or had laid.

    But, I don’t feel the need to go around correcting everyone and I just use whatever usage feels right to me, even if it doesn’t fit what I know in my head.

    And I got the package. I do so love a good doily. But, I’ve never had one in puce. I will adjust. There is a place for everyone and everything. Especially football. CORNHUSKER football.

  9. So what you’re saying is you and Green Girl are going to road trip out here to SoCal and we will eat Chipotle and drink wine while people-watching at a football game? And then have candy for dessert?

  10. Bone says:

    I’m going to pretend you didn’t say those mean, horrible things about football.

    Now that we’ve (you’ve) decided Eli’s not the problem, I’m going to assume that means I’m cleared to write another football post.

  11. christopher says:

    The question of ‘What’s Wrong with America?’ could probably be substituted by asking ‘How Much Irony Exists in the World Today?’…..start list here.

  12. Jess says:

    I agree with you on both football and candy (children should not be allowed to eat it, only I should), therefore I will eagerly check the mailbox for my present later today. Also, I believe, based on the photo of him above, that Byron and I might actually be soul mates. Move over, sister, I’m coming to visit. Todd says he will send YOU a present if you’ll keep me and let him play video games (#3 in the What’s Wrong With America? game) in peace.

  13. Meg says:

    Ha! My version of the game is called, “What does sex between those 2 look like?” It’s usually gross or else I laugh out loud and draw stares. It works on airplanes, too. As for football: don’t like it; don’t watch it. Here’s my solution to Halloween candy run amok: science experiments! Dissolve it in various solutions! Heat it! Freeze it! Chop it! Examine it under a microscope! And then eat it before the kids ruin their teeth and expensive orthodontal work on it. The things I do for my kids.

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