From the Mouth of Dinko

A few days ago, my new blog pal August, smitten with my irrepressible boy, challenged him to answer the Vanity Fair questionnaire that’s been making the rounds.

Wee Niblet, aka “Dinko,” has subscribed to Vanity Fair for years now–two of them, to be exact (the subscription came about during potty training, as he put in long hours of work on the little plastic seat; The New Yorker, with its endless pages of theater productions and show times, tires the preschooler set, so Vanity Fair it was). Thus, he was flattered and happy to rise to August’s proposition. Plus, Dinko has just added “C-A-T” to his literacy repertoire thanks to the PBS show Super Why! , so he was thrilled to have a public forum in which to display his new knowledge.

And now I must wipe a tear from my eye as I, Proud Mama, present Baby’s First Meme:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Watching Donald Duck have a snow fight with Huey, Dewey, and Louie; I almost wet my Tyrannosaurus Rex pajamas, I was laughing so hard at those cheek-wheezers.

What is your greatest fear?
Our basement. I can only go down there with someone else, and I have to say loudly, “There is no monster down here, for sure…you hear me? NO MONSTER” as we head down the stairs.

Which living person do you most admire?
Porky Pig. S-s-s-s-s-eriously, folks, it was like I saw myself there on the screen when I first spotted him. I lead with pink pudge, too. He’s coming to lunch next week, if I can get the peanut butter open for some sandwiches.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Poop. The fact that I can’t open the jar of peanut butter by myself. But you should see me cut up Playdough with a pastry blender. Now that’s plorable.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
When they refuse to try on my new paper-mache beanie; they are scaredy C-A-Ts.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Sleeping through the night.

On what occasion do you lie?
When I pretend I didn’t hear my sister say “I’m sorry,” just so I can tell on her. My mom would love for me to be bi-lingual, but that would mean I’d have to learn to say “butthead” in Spanish to describe myself.

That sounds like a lot of work. So I’ll continue to be an occasional butthead in English only.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
That annoying fourth eye sometimes causes me to walk into lamp posts.

What is your greatest regret?
I didn’t ride my tricycle more during the summer of ’06.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My mom. And her soft tummy of Love and Comfort. No one can compete.

So stop trying, Dad. You can go make dinner. We’ll be here on the couch.

Which talent would you most like to have?
Being a professional lasso thrower.

What is your current state of mind?
Humming. My mind and mouth hum all day long.

If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I’d have wings and a retractable whip growing out of my hand and X-ray vision and a real live baby dragon.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Making it through seventeen minutes of the Bee Movie


If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
Buneary, a cutie Pokemon.
Or maybe a snow plow driver.

What is your most treasured possession?
My beautiful and glamorous fake-real yellow crystal diamond from a booth at the Home Show. All people want this because it is very, very expensive, like $2, and it is a diamond, and everyone wants my rare and exotic crystal diamond.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Seeing the scarecrow’s head rot.

Where would you like to live?

In the bed with my mom.

In the future, it could be on a therapist’s couch.

What is your most marked characteristic?
When I’m hungry, you need to feed me. It gets really ugly, really fast otherwise.

Who are your favourite writers?
Mo Willems; Tedd Arnold; Ruth Stiles Gannett

Who is your favourite hero of fiction?
I listen to Junie B. Jones in the car when we drive around, and she makes me laugh all the time, like Wowie Wow Wow. When she thought her new baby brother was a real, live monkey, I about dropped my juice box.

Who are your heroes in real life?
Did you know my sister can ride a two-wheeler and is really good at spelling?

What is it that you most dislike?
Dressing myself. I kind of refuse to do it. So far, it’s been a pretty effective strategy.

What is your motto?
“I have a really great idea…”

Favourite journey?
The one that ends at Target. They have a whole section of Pokemon cards and Ben 10 toys there. I can push buttons for an hour before I need to go to the restaurant area for a bag of popcorn.

What do you value most in friends?
Proximity. If they are here, I will play. If they like to wear toe socks, too, like me, that’s a bonus.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“You know what?” and “When will Mommy be home?”

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Louis XVI. I hide my shyness in pageantry, too.

What is your greatest extravagance?
The occasional second bowl of applesauce.

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
We’d have a cutie baby. Mom says it ain’t gonna happen.

What is your favourite occupation?
Hiding a screwdriver in a heap of Ooblek and then watching it emerge as the slime melts away.

What is the quality you like most in a woman?
Red hair and glasses and an accommodating lap.

What is the quality you like most in a man?
A unicycle.

How would you like to die?
I’m only four. I’m not ever going to die.





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35 responses to “From the Mouth of Dinko”

  1. August Avatar

    Dinko honey, you’re lucky you’re so far away because I’m one of those annoying cheek-pinchers.

    (Boy do I have a case of the giggles here from reading “seeing the scarecrow’s head rot”)

  2. AmyTree Avatar

    Dinko – you are a wise young man! My favorite journey is ALSO the one that ends at Target. They have popcorn…

  3. Girl on a Wire Avatar
    Girl on a Wire

    Dinko – you rock! And you are so right about Mummy tummies being the most comfortable place on earth, we make them like that especially for you.

  4. Jazz Avatar

    Dinko I’ll be your official peanut butter jar opener if you want.

  5. Maddy Avatar

    You are too silly. Just as well other people in your household have some sense!

    This is my calling card or link“Whittereronautism”until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.

  6. furiousBall Avatar

    Can’t argue with Dinko’s answers. Mo Willems – great call. And lasso throwing was a really booth at the career fair too

  7. Her Grace Avatar
    Her Grace


    When I found out Junie B. thought her new baby was a real monkey, I DID drop my juice box.

    You are a sage young man.

  8. Hammer Avatar

    I find myself giving many of the same answers. I guess things don’t change that much after growing up 😉

  9. Steve Avatar

    Wee has a curious ability to make an Oedipus complex endearing and wholesome; plus there’s the added benefit of having four eyes should one want to put out a couple someday.

    I’m weeping with joy.

  10. Jamie Avatar

    Out of the mouths of babes…
    What an enjoyable read. And what an impressive vocabulary young Dinko has. He must get that from his Mum.

  11. lime Avatar

    dinko, you’re brilliant. i have toe socks and glasses. though my hair is not read i also have an accomodating lap. you may perch there while i read tedd arnold’s ‘parts’ in the most dramatic fashion. my boy has sort of outgrown that and i rather miss it. if i make ooblek and give yo uall of mr lime’s hand tools to sink into it will you make me a cool 4 eyed alien mask?

  12. lime Avatar

    that shoudl be *red* hair…although it is curly and wild i don’t think it has formed any actual words to read.

  13. That Chick Over There Avatar
    That Chick Over There

    You make me hurt. In a good way.

  14. WanderingGirl Avatar

    I heart him.


  15. Claire Avatar

    Dinko you are such a delightful and funny dude. You can come hang out at my house anytime! We love pokemon here too, in fact one of our cats is named Jiggleypuff.

  16. Glamourpuss Avatar

    They used to call it ‘precocious’…

    He’ll either re-invent physics or end up on I’m a Celebrity get me Out of Here.

    You mark my words.


  17. Diana Avatar

    That Dinko, he’s a wise one.

  18. rak Avatar

    sheer genius, that boy!!

    dinko, i’m not ever going to die either… i’m only 28!

  19. Theresa Avatar

    Dinko, you are too cute for words! Just for that I’m going to help you become bilingual, “butthead” in Spanish is “caraculo”, my kids love calling each other that. Isn’t that just plorable? And about that cutie baby, if your mom says it ain’t gonna happen, then trust me it ain’t gonna happen (besides it would just steal your favorite lap).

  20. Franki Avatar

    He had me at “I lead with the pink pudge too.”

    What a joy you all are.

    Frankily Yours

  21. SQT Avatar

    Humming is my favorite state of mind too…

  22. Shari Avatar

    LOL. Smart kid. They always have interesting things to say.

  23. Dorky Dad Avatar
    Dorky Dad

    Professional lasso thrower? Why didn’t I think of that when I was choosing a career? How cool a job would that be? Just throwing rope all day?

  24. Princess Pointful Avatar
    Princess Pointful

    That’s right… you are going to live forever.

    Someone inherited mommy’s wit… and perhaps her penchance for apple sauce?

  25. Wizened Wizard Avatar
    Wizened Wizard

    Dinko, you’re a prince. And I’m sure your mom agrees with you on the most over-rated virtue.

    Wait a minute… was that you on the playground…?!?

  26. Emma in Canada Avatar
    Emma in Canada

    Oh that was good. ANd how I miss Junie B! Luckily, I am only another year or so away from reading them again.

  27. Karen MEG Avatar
    Karen MEG

    Dinko, what a sweetheart you are! It’s a good thing that you love your mommy so. If we had a Target in Canada, my little rugrats would love to hang there with you too… they also think Pokemon rocks!

  28. heartinsanfrancisco Avatar

    I love this. Will you come and sit on my lap if I dye my hair red and wear glasses even when I’m not reading?

    I spent a whole summer learning to lasso the picket fence gate when I was Dinko’s age. It’s harder than it looks but way cool.

  29. jen Avatar

    oh….the first meme….be still my heart. he’s one of us.

  30. Ann(ie) Avatar

    This was so fun to read and you are one witty little guy!! So happy to get to share in your first meme. Merry Christmas!!

  31. urban-urchin Avatar

    dinko- you are a smart one. My kids don’t like the basement either. Mo Willems is great- we love him too.

    You are welcome to come hang out here anytime- just bring your mom- so i can have a playdate too.

  32. my4kids Avatar

    Madisons favorite state of mind is humming also!
    Oh I enjoyed this too too much!
    I’d love to get Maddies answers to this but momma didn’t tag anyone or anything and this would have been a cute tagging thing..or something.

  33. Diesel Avatar

    Junie B. Jones kicks ass.

  34. Dan Avatar

    Our basement. I can only go down there with someone else, and I have to say loudly,

    I’m scared crapless of your basement as well! In fact I can safely say that I have never been down there, with or without someone. 🙂

  35. velvet Avatar

    Dinko is awesome, plain and simple. He obviously takes after his mom (and I’m sure his dad, too). Quite charming. 🙂

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