The Crying Game: Except I’m Not Hiding Anything Under My Skirt

I posted a few weeks ago about needing the physical release of a good, deep cry. The comments in response to my “make me sob, woncha?” post were amazing. So far, I’ve used some of your suggestions and shed a few quiet, gentle tears. First off, I want to thank my close personal friend “Anonymous” for her terrific tip to watch something I never would have otherwise: the Catelynn and Tyler episode of Pregnant and 16 on MTV. Since we don’t have cable, I watched it online and, yup, found myself wiping my eyes. Criminy, but both teens were unbelievably aware and realistic about their chances of being good parents at the age of 16. Quite bravely, they chose to give up their daughter for adoption, despite the active opposition of their crap-ass parents (so helpful of Tyler’s father to get a weekend out of jail so he could come home and lecture Tyler about how every kid needs a father). It was immensely good for me to feel such respect and awe at two 16-year-old kids who somehow achieved a preternatural maturity. My tears were exclusively reserved, though, for the birthing scene; I will always and forever be a sobber at the moment of witnessing a birth. In fact, if you are in labor right now, as you read this post, just know I’m crying at the wonder and beauty of what you’re doing. Except maybe don’t touch the keyboard until you’ve washed up, honey.

Several fine commenters also suggested I watch P.S., I Love You, a film based on Cecelia Ahern’s book (which I’d read but forgotten). For the most part, this effort was less successful. Partially, the film never became “transparent” for me; I kept thinking, “Wow, the costume designers sure are dressing Hilary Swank in black and white a lot. Hmm, where’d they get those boots? I like those boots. I want those boots.” At that point, I tried to work up a good cry over the fact that I’d never get those boots, but then I remembered there are other boots in the world, and some of them know my address, and then I started smiling rather too broadly. Throughout the film, I was also distracted by how Gerard Butler’s self-confidence borders on arrogance; I was immune to his very studied, near-gloating cock-eyed charm. Mostly, though, the problem was that the couple of times I managed to get to the brink of tearshed, the DVD froze up. By the end of the film, the thing had frozen more than 20 times. It took me almost three hours to watch that two hour movie. However, the next day, when I returned the film to our neighborhood movie store (and bike shop!), I mentioned the freezing issue to the owner, Tony. In return, he gave me two DVD rentals free of charge that day, at which point I got a little weepy over how cool people can be. So, ultimately, I did get about 32 tears out of P.S., I Love You. You’re a great guy, Tony. Oh, crud. Here I go again. Pass me a tissue, Tito.

In truth, the cathartic release I’d been craving came at me sideways, catching me unawares. Its lack of orchestration made it perfectly gratifying. There we were, His Groomishness and me, watching the final season of The Shield on DVD. Damn, but I love it when a good show goes out in a way that enhances all the seasons that came before it. Specifically, the finale pulled together every tendril, every thread, of all the characters’ actions all along—and, thusly, catapulted the show to a higher level of quality than I’d expected. Without spoiling anything for anyone, I’ll just say there is one particular scene in the finale that revolves around a profoundly tragic gesture of love. The whole thing cracked my heart in two. When I finished sobbing and keening and blowing my nose and eventually just wiping my whole disgusting mess of a face on the couch upholstery, I turned to mein Groom and noted, “We’re going to need a new couch now,” and he agreed, assessing the quality of my breakdown, “Yea, that was a particularly good one. You’re going to be feeling good tomorrow.”

As ever, he was right.

Next up in my Calculated Stress Relief Through Sobbing plan: watching Love, Actually–which, again, I’ve seen but forgotten, as is my wont–just to see the “I’ve Looked at Love From Both Sides Now” scene with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman.

Groom says I have to sit on the floor during it and not go near the furniture. With the kitchen remodel and all, we can’t afford the continuing cost of my tears.






22 responses to “The Crying Game: Except I’m Not Hiding Anything Under My Skirt”

  1. Midlife Jobhunter Avatar
    Midlife Jobhunter

    You'll have to sit out in the front yard for Old Yeller.

  2. sid Avatar

    I haven't watched any of the films you mentioned. If you're still looking for romantic movies to make you weep, how about Spanglish?

  3. Kirsten Avatar

    I do love "Love Actually" if only for Andrew Lincoln. Why such a sweetie would "fall" for Keira Knightley…just icks me (not irks me, icks me). And Laura Linney…sigh. I don't know if it's a weeper of a movie, but sweet and gooey.

  4. lime Avatar

    the 20 freeze ups would indeed kill any weepishness. crimony i'd be lobbing shoes at the tv.

    just a suggestion, but you could go all Marie Barrone (MIL in Everybody loves Raymond) and cover your couch in plastic to protect it from the flood of tears.

  5. Jazz Avatar

    Alan Rickman….

    I wouldn't have any tears to cry for a movie with him in it – I'd be too busy drooling.

  6. Lone Grey Squirrel Avatar
    Lone Grey Squirrel

    I am a bit embarrassed but I'm all waterfalls when I watched P.S. I love you. The other one that gets me is River Phoenix in "Running on Empty" where two parents have to give up seeing their child again to give him a chance of a normal life. And then there's …….sadly the list goes on and on.

  7. Jenn @ Juggling Life Avatar
    Jenn @ Juggling Life

    I never cry over anything, but that episode of 16 and Pregnant definitely had me weepy. Their maturity in the presence of such immaturity on the part of their parents was breathtaking.

  8. Liam Avatar

    Pregnant at 16. I know a little something about that. Well not me personally. But as you know I got my High school sweet heart pregnant at almost that age. Not a happy time. Very difficult for the mother. Not so great for the Father either.

  9. Ash Avatar

    so, this may be an overshare, but your over thinking of PS I Love You is EXACTLY what I do if I try to watch porn. "I like her shoes." "I wonder if they threw that couch away afterwards?" "Why is she still up on that ladder?" on and on and on. 🙂

  10. Jeni Avatar

    Hey, as long as you got the catharsis needed, that's the important thing, isn't it? Boots that know your address, huh? Loved that image in my mind.

  11. kmkat Avatar

    Love, Actually is a Christmas movie in my mind. I watch it every year. Enjoy your cry!

  12. secret agent woman Avatar
    secret agent woman

    I cry at births, too, every time.

  13. Prefers Her Fantasy Life Avatar
    Prefers Her Fantasy Life

    Yes, the scene where Emma Thompson gets the CD instead of the jewelry gets me. And then I start hating every older man who has left his wife for her younger, prettier, adopted Korean daughter.

    Oh, how about this: Getting online to get Wilco tickets and having them be sold out. That'd do it for me. But luckily, I got on line the day they went on sale, so it's all good.

  14. Pam Avatar

    Aaargh..I HATE crying. I don't mind warm feel-good crying, but those movies, supposedly cathartic, that make your nose block and give a thumping headache – no thanks! As long as it makes you happy (?). I have a friend that sneakily invites me to these. When I return red-eyed, husband says "Movie with Susan again??". Only to you Jocelyn could I say, wishing you a tearful weekend.xx

  15. Jazz Avatar

    Sweetheart, no discussion necessary, he's mine. :-p

  16. Fragrant Liar Avatar
    Fragrant Liar

    I was JUST telling my good friend last weekend about Love Actually. I adore that movie and will watch it anytime anywhere. The scene with Emma Thompson after learning about the necklace just slays me. I am spellbound as I watch her performance.

    Don't forget. ET has a sweet tear-jerker ending too. I know! You're welcome.

  17. Patois Avatar

    So glad to hear there's nothing up your skirt.

    Free-flowing tears: here's hoping there are a bunch in your future.

  18. actonbell Avatar

    LOL, Midlife Jobhunter! Glad to hear that you got your cry on.

  19. Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings Avatar
    Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings

    I'm just glad you were able to get a good cry out, my dear! Sorry about the furniture, however.

  20. Minnesota Matron Avatar
    Minnesota Matron

    Truly, Madly, Deeply will leave you weeping, even if you're spent. Truly.

  21. heartinsanfrancisco Avatar

    I could also benefit greatly from a tearful release, but I was trained not to cry in childhood so premeditated crying is impossible. I tend to tear up at children marching in parades, God knows why, anything to do with births although I have only been at my children's and my own, graduations, funerals and sad books, movies and news stories. There is so much that needs and deserves to be cried over, and so many unshed tears looking for an outlet.

  22. phd in yogurtry Avatar
    phd in yogurtry

    "I tried to work up a good cry over the fact that I’d never get those boots"

    Bwah hah! You are a hoot.

    Glad you got your good cry, afterall. Unexpected is the best kind.

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