O Mighty Crisis Stories

“Tell Me I’m Pretty, Then Watch Me Cling: Lonely Hearts and Icy Lungs” 16

“Tell Me I’m Pretty, Then Watch Me Cling: Lonely Hearts and Icy Lungs”

“Tell Me I’m Pretty, Then Watch Me Cling: Lonely Hearts and Icy Lungs” Yesterday on the Western Waterfront Trail: -10 degree wind chill + an hour of trail running = me, in the clearance bin at the Lunacy Mart That’s the new math. Three minutes into the run, I was...

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“Suffering From Twinklementia: Color Me Ronnie” 15

“Suffering From Twinklementia: Color Me Ronnie”

“Suffering From Twinklementia: Color Me Ronnie” Zoom in on 1997: One day, having just slammed a triple-shot mocha in an effort to fight off a marauding hoard of the late-afternoon grumps, I made a new friend. As I exited the coffee shop, a woman–a stranger to me–came up and said,...

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Ehhhh? I Cain’t Hear You ‘Lessin’ I Turn Up My Hearing Aid 10

Ehhhh? I Cain’t Hear You ‘Lessin’ I Turn Up My Hearing Aid

“Ehhhh? I Cain’t Hear You ‘Lessin’ I Turn Up My Hearing Aid” Here’s a statement that most everyone–outside of perky cheerleader Homecoming Queens, Buzz Lightyear, Paris Hilton, Lassie, and Barack Obama–can agree with: “I’ve spent a large part of my life feeling not cool but wishing I were.” Certainly, my...

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Will Shortz and a Gold-Lame’ Bikini 6

Will Shortz and a Gold-Lame’ Bikini

“Will Shortz and a Gold-Lame’ Bikini” Speaking of why parents worry that the schools won’t be able to unlock their kids’ particular gifts… Yesterday, my three-year-old son, Wee Niblet, draped me a big poncho of goosebumps, with one, random comment. We were getting out of the car, on our way...

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Every Rose Has Its Thorn 3

Every Rose Has Its Thorn

“Every Rose Has Its Thorn”My freshman year of college, I watched 40 people recoil in horror when I announced at the first floor meeting in my dorm: “And I really like heavy metal, especially Ozzy.” Soon enough, after four years of being exposed to the folksy Midwest, I outgrew my...

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The Original Cheap Date 3

The Original Cheap Date

“The Original Cheap Date”A couple of weeks ago, on October 31st, The Groom and I volunteered to be readers at our daughter’s school; the school celebrates a “Harvest of Literature” that day because to actually say the word “Halloween” would have meant that the place was run by Satan worshippers...

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Daytime Pain and Nighttime Soap 4

Daytime Pain and Nighttime Soap

“Daytime Pain and Nighttime Soap” Call me predictable, even stereotypical: I dread going to the dentist. Sure, Dentist Person may be a very nice individual, well-qualified, and gentle of touch, but I still don’t like him/her. Me no want to see Dentist Person.The deal is that Dentist Person has tools–tiny...

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Twenty-Eight First Graders, the Lone Teacher, a Slew of Specialists, and One Shy Girl 5

Twenty-Eight First Graders, the Lone Teacher, a Slew of Specialists, and One Shy Girl

 Anne Lamott once wrote of a type of situation so taxing it could “…make Jesus drink gin from the dog dish.” This is how I often feel, as the parent of a school-aged child. It’s surprisingly hard to let my kid go off all day to be manhandled by the...

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No So Much My Saviour After All: The Pompous Lord 3

No So Much My Saviour After All: The Pompous Lord

“Not So Much My Saviour After All: The Pompous Lord” I feel it. Pulsing towards me through cyberspace, I sense your desire to read more of my rambling adventures in other countries. Or maybe what I sense is just my computer trying to stream this week’s episode of Ugly Betty...

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Scoundrel Cabbies: So Unfare 5

Scoundrel Cabbies: So Unfare

“Scoundrel Cabbies: So Unfare”This past weekend, I had to don a big mohair sweater of The Happies, as I spent four days in the mountains of Colorado, celebrating past, present, and future with two of my best galpals from college. To even divulge how long it’s been since I first...

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