Author: Jocelyn

  • Harvest Recipe

    Take one locally-grown 4-year-old bubbie: Mix in a little Mo Willems’ KNUFFLE BUNNY: Shake vigorously. Months later, after ripening and fermentation, when the wee bubbie subsequently suggests making a “gravetomb” (preschooler speak for “tombstone”) to decorate the yard for Halloween, gently fold in the question, “What shall we paint on it? R.I.P?” He will figure…

  • Jocelyn Buttstrong

      By mistake, I went on a 14-mile bike ride the other day. It’s not like I was transferring the sheets from washer to dryer, only to suddenly look down and note with a surprised “How the hell did this happen?” that I’d been spinning along on a bike for more than an hour. That’s…

  • Bread and Pez

    As is the case with most households, we pretty much live in the kitchen. Food happens there, of course, but so do soul-baring, cross-word puzzling, game-playing, homework-doing, robot-building, friend-entertaining, and mind-numbing-boozing. We spend a good part of every day in that room; it is, quite clichedly, the heart of the house. Yet our kitchen sucks…

  • FREAK IT, But She’s Hot

    Even heathens and pagans know this one: A guy named Paul, a whole long time ago, found a scroll and a quill and, over a leisurely cup of red wine, asserted that “a woman’s hair is her crowning glory.” For completely non-biblical reasons–who is this Paul to me, after all?–I’ve often believed that this assertion…

  • All Shook Up

    My mom graduated from high school in 1953. She graduated from college in 1957. In many ways, she remained distinctly behind the times; for example, when Elvis Presley first appeared on the Ed Sullivan show in 1956 and essentially transformed youth culture in the space of 3 minutes, my mom was blissfully unaware that some…

  • Sucking It Up

    In last month or two, during a phase when my lap is always full, my neck skin is constantly fondled, and “I yuv you a bushel and a peck” is whispered repeatedly into my ear throughout the day, I am exceedingly aware that I have never before–and will never again–be loved as sweetly deeply profoundly…

  • Sandwiched Ellipses

    Some months ago, my much-adored blogpal, Glamourpuss, tagged me with the following meme. Although I entertain some ambivalence about memes, I so much enjoyed reading Puss’s answers that I’m game on this one. To wit: If I were a beginning, I would be….everything in the movie RAISING ARIZONA that comes before the opening credits. Then…

  • Junk in Our Collective Trunk

      “Junk in Our Collective Trunk” Dear Painters of the Renaissance: I’m sorry I was born 450 years too late. I apologize for my absence, for I could have inspired you. In your work, Peter Paul Rubens, I see appreciation of a natural, bountiful female sensuality; in your work, Tiziano Vecelli (aka “Titian”), I see…

  • Dognapped

      Until recently, we had an extremely yappy dog living next door. She didn’t live alone, of course. She had handlers. Interestingly, this family of hers was, in every area outside of pet ownership, an uptight, buttoned-down group of people. Their home and yard were tidy, pristine. Their voices were never raised; indeed, they were…