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Obligatory Kitchen Remodel Update, To Satisfy My Sister, If No One Else
The notion of remodeling our kitchen first took root five years ago (namely, the day we moved in to our current house and recoiled in horror at the dark, run-downedness of that room…which, strangely, implies moving-day was the first time I ever spied the kitchen–as though I hadn’t known the previous owners, eaten dinner…
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He’s Making a List and Checking It Twice: For Only With Such Careful Reviewal Can He Be Certain No One Named ‘Pedro’ Gets a Train
“That’ll be $1.50,” announced the parking lot attendant from inside his air-conditioned box. Eyes twinkling, cheeks rosy, beard fluffy, he followed up with a jolly, “So…what’s new at the zoo?” It was hard not to grin back at this Santa Claus look-alike, especially because I haven’t exactly been a good girl this year, but I…
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Take My Wife…Please
My dad was a mild-tempered man. He made Jimmy Carter look like a rowdy spitfire. In fact, I only remember my father snapping or lashing out on the rarest of occasions during my childhood. I remember him getting upset one time when his three monkey children were blowing really big, loud bubbles in their glasses…
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Shove Me to Snivel
Ever since I had kids, and my head got full of other voices, I tend to figure things out when I’m running. During the hour or so a day when I’m alone, when my body’s motion is overcoming my Fatigue of Brain, thoughts gel. As feet turn over, I think forward. It’s actually become a…
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Real Cool
If you crave a getaway right now, click on these, and I’ll take you to the beach: Then we drove up the road to warmer waters: I can’t believe a kid of mine refused to put her head under a waterfall due to moss. What a pansyarse:
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Seems I’m the Type That Was Heard on High…or, In Your Case, Read While High
A few weeks ago, after two terms in my English classes (both writing and literature), a student sent me this email: “Thanks for your engel pacience” First reaction? Clearly, my work here is done. Second reaction? Less clearly, something like “BWAHH?” coupled with an impulse to mock. Third reaction? Clearly, I should never try to…
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I Did Not Either Go Back Three Days Later and Stage These Photos, So Hesh Up with Your Badgering Questions Already
Check out my science experiment this week: When a body falls in the forest, and no one’s around to hear it, it does make a sound, and that sound is “Great Johnny Appleseed, but OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” This scientific breakthrough happened the other day when I was out for a run on one of my favorite sections…
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They Say They’ll Be Done in Four Weeks…
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Can’t Touch This
On my first day of college twenty-four years ago, I heaved into my arms a laundry bag holding Kermit the Frog (a stuffed version, mind you; the live one was on location in Hollywood), Howard Jones cassette tapes, and aerosol cans of Aquanet. A bit tremulously, I walked into my freshman dorm. Naturally, the…
