O Mighty Crisis Stories

Can’t Touch This 22

Can’t Touch This

  On my first day of college twenty-four years ago, I heaved into my arms a laundry bag holding Kermit the Frog (a stuffed version, mind you; the live one was on location in Hollywood), Howard Jones cassette tapes, and aerosol cans of Aquanet. A bit tremulously, I walked into...

If you care to share, click a square:
Ode to Sampson: I Type At You, My Vigor Diminished 22

Ode to Sampson: I Type At You, My Vigor Diminished

Do not even ask me to hold a kettle ball for you right now, much less to swing it around and jack up my triceps. As long as we’re on the point, incidentally, how come you’re always asking me to hold your kettle balls? At any rate, I couldn’t heft...

If you care to share, click a square:
If Imagination Were Actually Given Full Rein 14

If Imagination Were Actually Given Full Rein

By jinkies and holy Marco Polo, but I’m tired. We got back from our two weeks of travel the other night, and as of today, I almost feel hydrated and centered again. Mos’ def, travels full of weddings and college reunions are hot-doggoliciously fun, but coming home from them requires...

If you care to share, click a square:
This Gives Me Even Greater License to Drink, Right? 16

This Gives Me Even Greater License to Drink, Right?

I’m at my 20-year college reunion right now, so typing time is tight. I’ll simply say the beauty of attending such an event is this: I am assured I’m not the only one my age with a paunch and thinning hair. However, to my credit, and unlike many of my...

If you care to share, click a square:
June 2009: St. Louis, Missouri: A Wedding So Lovely I Sometimes Was Able to Ignore the Humidity 21

June 2009: St. Louis, Missouri: A Wedding So Lovely I Sometimes Was Able to Ignore the Humidity

Back in 1993-1994, Groom worked as a student naturalist at an environmental learning center in Northern Minnesota; during that year, he accrued a passle of friends who have hung together over the years. One of them, John, got married last weekend in St. Louis. Groom’s first memories of John, back...

If you care to share, click a square:
Home, Trashed Home 21

Home, Trashed Home

  As the countdown to the demolition of our kitchen ticked away, we continued our own initial destruction, tearing out cabinets and removing ceiling tiles; it got to the point where little in the room needed to be kept functional or pristine, and then Groom really cut loose. He hung...

If you care to share, click a square:
Not Occurring in Nature 21

Not Occurring in Nature

A convergence of events led to the following string of photos. First, my city is revamping its entire school system (in a really logical fashion that is entirely in the best interests of the children because its end result will be at least 32 kids in EVERY classroom and not...

If you care to share, click a square:
If You Like This, You Should Read the One About The Time My Bra Fell Out of My Ear at a Bat Mitzvah. That’s ‘My Ear,’ Not ‘My Rear 20

If You Like This, You Should Read the One About The Time My Bra Fell Out of My Ear at a Bat Mitzvah. That’s ‘My Ear,’ Not ‘My Rear

Mostly, I’m glad my antics didn’t break her water. I have a friend in the neighborhood, you see, who is in her 28th week of pregnancy; part of her MO when pregnant is to have the baby early because she only has half a uterus (somehow, her uterus is bisected...

If you care to share, click a square:
Ain’t We Lucky We Got ‘Em 197

Ain’t We Lucky We Got ‘Em

  During the 1980’s, I attended junior high, high school, and college. To recap that, for those of you Distractites who are reading this with one eye locked onto The Housewives of East St. Louis, I was an adolescent of the ’80s. Thus, all of my worst hormonal moments of...

If you care to share, click a square: