O Mighty Crisis Stories

Twenty-Three Years and Thirteen Days 21

Twenty-Three Years and Thirteen Days

  In terms of female friendships, I have sixty-eleventeen inspirations but only three true Women of My Life. One of these three I met in 1985, in a dorm lounge, where she was being way too cute and cynical and cutting for her own good. Intimidated, I decided I didn’t...

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Neuf 25

Neuf

A pot of water boiled on the burner behind my husband, as he leaned against the stove, pulling my face into his sweatshirt. This story does not end with seared human flesh, so relax, gentle reader. He hugged me to him for a long time, hard. Finally, I managed to...

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Decapitating the Child 24

Decapitating the Child

For almost nine years, Groom has been our stay-at-home parent (I married him because he was the closest thing to a woman I could find in a man’s body). He is an example of walking Zen, so his temperament has been perfectly suited to taking the kids to storytime at...

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In a Fog 22

In a Fog

It was full-frontal foggy the other day. This wasn’t just film noir, dry ice kind of stuff. Nay. This was, “Holy Haunted House, but I’m holding my hand up in front of my face, and I can’t see it!” Okay, it wasn’t my actually my hand, but I was waving...

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Casting Your Vote in 2048 16

Casting Your Vote in 2048

In about forty years, if you start seeing lawn signs in your neighborhood touting “Wee Niblet for President,” I urge you to slow down your hover vehicle and take note. In Wee Niblet, you’d have a president who could work both sides of the Target Halloween clearance aisle, who could...

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Deep Tissue, Deeply Discounted 21

Deep Tissue, Deeply Discounted

I could have taken my experiences at cosmetology school and washed that cheapitude right out of my hair. Hell no. One of my greatest hallmarks is the refusal to take a lesson, even when it’s slapped onto my head and speared with swords. In the case of my follicular thriftiness,...

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Deep Conditioning, Deeply Discounted 21

Deep Conditioning, Deeply Discounted

Early on in my career as a person with hair, I stumbled across the option of the beauty college. Generally titled something like Darlene’s School of Cosmetology, such places are, theoretically, win-win for both the cosmetological students and the shallow-pocketed patrons. For nine bucks, customers can get a hair cut...

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The Wreck of the Edmund FitzJocelyn 21

The Wreck of the Edmund FitzJocelyn

I live next to the largest body of fresh water in the world in terms of surface area. Because I have a long bendy straw, and I am very good at leaning out my window, I am never thirsty. And because I am always careful to suck up my requisite...

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There’s a Kind of a Hush All Over the World Tonight 25

There’s a Kind of a Hush All Over the World Tonight

They’re out. Gone. Vamoosed. Praise the long-armed reach of absentee landlords (take that, Ireland!): the bohunk renters across the alley have been evicted. After my earlier post about these five college lads’ disruptive partying tendencies, things got worse. They hit a new high the night that Phat Boy Renter and...

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If These Photos Represent a Mere Ten Seconds of My Day, How Could I Possibly Find More Hours For Blogging? 16

If These Photos Represent a Mere Ten Seconds of My Day, How Could I Possibly Find More Hours For Blogging?

I don’t mean to post all the time about mein Wee Niblet, but, hand to heaven, he continually provides a mind-boggling amount of fodder. For example, we have a deal in the household, when the kids are due for haircuts, that they can go sit in a stylist’s chair somewhere...

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