O Mighty Crisis Stories

This Gives Me Even Greater License to Drink, Right? 16

This Gives Me Even Greater License to Drink, Right?

I’m at my 20-year college reunion right now, so typing time is tight. I’ll simply say the beauty of attending such an event is this: I am assured I’m not the only one my age with a paunch and thinning hair. However, to my credit, and unlike many of my...

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June 2009: St. Louis, Missouri: A Wedding So Lovely I Sometimes Was Able to Ignore the Humidity 21

June 2009: St. Louis, Missouri: A Wedding So Lovely I Sometimes Was Able to Ignore the Humidity

Back in 1993-1994, Groom worked as a student naturalist at an environmental learning center in Northern Minnesota; during that year, he accrued a passle of friends who have hung together over the years. One of them, John, got married last weekend in St. Louis. Groom’s first memories of John, back...

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Home, Trashed Home 21

Home, Trashed Home

  As the countdown to the demolition of our kitchen ticked away, we continued our own initial destruction, tearing out cabinets and removing ceiling tiles; it got to the point where little in the room needed to be kept functional or pristine, and then Groom really cut loose. He hung...

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Not Occurring in Nature 21

Not Occurring in Nature

A convergence of events led to the following string of photos. First, my city is revamping its entire school system (in a really logical fashion that is entirely in the best interests of the children because its end result will be at least 32 kids in EVERY classroom and not...

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If You Like This, You Should Read the One About The Time My Bra Fell Out of My Ear at a Bat Mitzvah. That’s ‘My Ear,’ Not ‘My Rear 20

If You Like This, You Should Read the One About The Time My Bra Fell Out of My Ear at a Bat Mitzvah. That’s ‘My Ear,’ Not ‘My Rear

Mostly, I’m glad my antics didn’t break her water. I have a friend in the neighborhood, you see, who is in her 28th week of pregnancy; part of her MO when pregnant is to have the baby early because she only has half a uterus (somehow, her uterus is bisected...

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Ain’t We Lucky We Got ‘Em 197

Ain’t We Lucky We Got ‘Em

  During the 1980’s, I attended junior high, high school, and college. To recap that, for those of you Distractites who are reading this with one eye locked onto The Housewives of East St. Louis, I was an adolescent of the ’80s. Thus, all of my worst hormonal moments of...

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Instead of Being a Gumshoe, I Chew Gum and Buy Shoes 18

Instead of Being a Gumshoe, I Chew Gum and Buy Shoes

I’m trying to figure out why I don’t feel like sitting down and writing a post this week. Perhaps it’s because I just finished a year (my 19th) of teaching writing, because I have been spending every evening the last two weeks compiling and editing a 100 page student publication,...

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I Can’t Even Look at These Photos Without Needing to Roll My Body in Pancake Batter and Flip Myself into the Non-Existent Arms of the Badly-Combed-Over, Green-Suited Fisher-Price Man Who Worked Changing the Stoplight From Red to Green in the Toy Village of My Youth 25

I Can’t Even Look at These Photos Without Needing to Roll My Body in Pancake Batter and Flip Myself into the Non-Existent Arms of the Badly-Combed-Over, Green-Suited Fisher-Price Man Who Worked Changing the Stoplight From Red to Green in the Toy Village of My Youth

To summarize that title: for me, much of the zest of life is tied up in food and toys. If Buzz Lightyear could hobble up to me, holding a cob of corn dripping with butter, I’d take him to infinity–and beyond. If a Chatty Cathy doll could toss me a...

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Gallery in the Galley 27

Gallery in the Galley

In which I blather again–oh, holy Jeebus, yes–and then some more. If you can’t tolerate the video, or if it just makes you cry too much, the upshot is: my husband can’t get a critique of his art work. So that means you should give him one.

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