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Forgive Me, Viewer: It Has Been Two Days Since My Last Shower
…which is the norm, actually, so I don’t know why I’m acting all proud here. At any rate, occasionally I am less greasy than in this video. Let’s just pretend I’ve smeared myself in bacon grease. Howzabout for the 4th of July, I run around a park, and y’all try to catch me? UPDATE: Tonight,…
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At Our House, You Don’t Have to Hide Your Brussels Sprouts in Your Napkin. Hell–That’s Funny–Like You’d Be Given a Napkin at Our House
Here are my dominant memories of first grade: 1) I got chicken pox and stayed home from school for a week. It got a little long, that week of lolling around, scratching myself, but then my mom set a Mason jar of buttons next to me (which her mom had collected for decades), and suddenly…
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Sometimes I Get So Distracted, I Forget to Wipe
Groom just disappeared for three minutes. When I came upstairs to, er, use the amenities, I saw what he’d been up to. It’s gotten so fun around here that I find myself drinking 467 ounces of water a day, just to earn repeat trips to the bathroom. Question: if a Pyramid Man breaks his…
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“(Mis)Adventures for Pyramid Man and For You, Too, Gentle Reader
Many commenters on my previous Pyramid Man post were correct that “Pyramid Man” was inspired by the They Might Be Giants song “Particle Man.” When Groom started playing around with the idea of the Adventures of Triangle Man, however, he quickly realized that a triangle is hard to confound, as it can just turn sideways…
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Parliamentary Procedure of Plastic
I never like my kids better–and trust me, sometimes I don’t like them at all–than in the hour before bedtime. For 9-year-old Girl, who is exploring the vagaries of attitudinal preadolescence, it’s a time when she often announces, “For my book time tonight, I want to talk.” Since she reads consistently on her own,…
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Yea, We Should Just Build That Fence Already
Okay, so Pyramid Man has been having a few more (mis)adventures, which will be forthcoming. However, since my Groomeo has been spending much of his time this week working on assignments for the three art classes he’s taking–and also hours and hours painting our upstairs hallway (that area is the final domino that toppled…
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If you’d like to have a logical explanation/How I happened on this elegant syncopation/I will say without a moment of hesitation/There is just one place/That can light my face…And It’s Called In Front of the Easel in Our Bathroom
If you were able to find a scale the size of Gary, Indiana, you could hoist upon it all of the toys, puzzles, and games in our house and weigh ’em–at which point, even though you weren’t actually weighing the toys ON the town of Gary, Indiana, I’m pretty sure, in a moment of transcendent…
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I’m Kind of An Old Woman, and While I Don’t Live in a Shoe, I Believe I Could Cobble Together a Modest Colonial Out of Boots and Flip-Flops, Featuring a Sunroom Constructed of Cleats
Personally, my waters are a bit muddy. I don’t perceive things as black or white, and my moral compass has never tweaked to true north. Hmmmm. There have got to be a few more metaphor/analogy/simile/personifications I can toss into that confusing mix. Try these: “my integrity shifts with even the smallest seismic activity” and,…
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All I Know Is I Sure Ate A Lot of Jelly Bellies As These Photos Uploaded
Alternate titles in the running for this post were “Doing Our Part to Revive the Economy”; “At Least It Got Us to Dust”; and “So, I Suppose If We Have a New Kitchen, That Means We Should Wash the Dishes?” Naturally, because my brain is cacaphonous and full of conflicting shouts and yips, I…
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As Henry VIII Would Tell You, Heavy Is the Head That Bears the Seed
My lad Paco is generally regarded as quite tall for his age. On more than one occasion, the drunken college students who rent the house behind us have tossed him their car keys and asked him to be their designated driver. As well, he could trounce all his fellow first-graders in a tetherball tournament, simply…
