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Stop Being So Square, Big Daddy
I would have made a great 1950’s housewife–and not just because I can whip up a chrome-plated five-can casserole and smoke and drink like a fiend while pregnant. Witness this exchange between The Groomeo and me, transcribed from the dictaphone in our secretary Miss Walcott’s shorthand during the year 1958: Groom: My ear still hurts.…
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More Importantly
The sad part, for me, when I look at this photo of two immensely lovely women exchanging rings and making a life-long and public commitment to each other, is the fact that you can’t see I was wearing some seriously kick-ass earrings.
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Rolling Down the Adventure to My Early Retirement
It’s official. Although I’ve been fighting off encroaching fine lines for several years now, and although I’ve been crochety for far longer than that, I’ve always maintained I’m still “young” (or, more recently, “young-ish”). But now, the sham has been revealed. Undeniably, I is old. I know this for sure because, just the other…
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Ah-ight
My marriage succeeds on many levels. Groom lets me sleep big many muches, when I need it. Groom cooks me food and sets out large plates. Groom laughs hard when I’m mean and small and petty. Even better, Groom and I have spent many-an-easy hour making lists of “Famous People Jocelyn Gets to Sleep…
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My Favorite Tool
Sure, there have been a lot of contenders over the years: words, books, swizzle sticks, a solid foundation garment. Each of these has served as a tool in its own right, opening doors for me and then, three hours later, getting me tossed right back out. But they’ve done the job. Occasionally, as well, I’ve…
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Two Weeks South of the Border: Part the End
The adventure continues and concludes in this installment, which ranges from ruins to Kaluha (words which also sum up my current existence). See how travel broadened this broad? ——————————————————- After a few days in Belize, my sister, some other Peace Corps volunteers, Cute John, and I rented a “taxi” to take us to Tikal, Guatemala…
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Two Weeks South of the Border: Part One
Guess who not only has 50 research papers to grade in the next week but also has the honor of serving as a witness in a big ole lesbian wedding extravaganzapalooza this weekend? I even get to give a toast at the reception (something along the lines of “May you always wear the same…
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Starring Matthew Modine and Linda Fiorentino, with a Special Appearance by Madonna
I have a friend of a friend. What? It could happen. I might have a friend, like from Cub Scouts, and this friend might talk to a bartender sometimes, and after about four vodka tonics, my Cubby Scouty friend suddenly has a new shot-pouring, swizzle-sticking “friend” blurrily weaving around there behind the expanse of oak.…
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Random Headlines from the Newspaper Printed Only in My Brain, Where Circulation Is Down
Thornless Rose Discovered; Members of Poison Devastated There’s Nothing Dumber Than Owning a Small Horse Bindi Irwin’s Tamagotchi Experiences Painful, Lingering Death Jury Decides: Tony Danza Was the Boss Members of Rock Group America Ride Into Desert on Horse Named “Monty”; Unrelenting Rain Follows Dolly Parton Skydives Naked, Manages Blind Landing ————————- Sorry for the…
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My Mama Pimped Me Out Well Before Misty’s Meth-Addicted Baby Daddy Dropped Her on the Corner of Hollywood & Vine
In my youth, a popular comic strip drawn by Stan Lynde called Rick O’Shay ran in the Billings Gazette. Oh, didn’t we chuckle at the exploits of that sheriff and the ragbag crew that staggered across the panels of his life. Lawsy, but we chortled at the antics of O’Shay’s preciously-monikered friends and colleagues in…
